Magpie and Her Mind

The Writing on the Wall

2011-11-05T10:12:00.008-05:00

"King Belshazzar gave a great banquet for a thousand of his nobles and drank wine with them. While Belshazzar was drinking his wine, he gave orders to bring in the gold and silver goblets that Nebuchadnezzar his father had taken from the temple in Jerusalem, so that the king and his nobles, his wives and his concubines might drink from them. So they brought in the gold goblets that had been taken from the temple of God in Jerusalem, and the king and his nobles, his wives and his concubines drank from them. As they drank the wine, they praised the gods of gold and silver, of bronze, iron, wood and stone. Suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lamp stand in the royal palace. The king watched the hand as it wrote. His face turned pale and he was so frightened that his legs became weak and his knees were knocking."

-Daniel 5:1-6

I was sitting on a gas station toilet (well not really sitting, that would be gross. More like squatting or hovering) when I became suddenly inspired. The human race as a whole has such an obsession with writing on things. What causes us to be so inclined to do so? I pondered this question and started thinking of all the different places people tend to "throw their piece up" or whatever the cool kids call it.

1. "Written on a Subway wall...And tenement halls."

What are tenement halls anyways?

The most typical place people write is on walls. Some people term it graffiti. Sometimes it’s names and sometimes it’s something guttural or gang related. Some of them you can't even read. This is probably the most artistic writing I have seen. The vibrant colors and odd letter shapes. Have you ever tried your hand at Graffiti? I did. It was pretty gettolishous. We had a school project on bullying. My task was coming up with an activity. I took a large piece of cardboard and made it look like a brick wall. I put "STOP BULLYING NOW" in Graffiti-like letters. It looked trashy to me but I figured that it would look cool to 4th and 5th graders. The activity was to have bullying situations on the wall and the kids came up with solutions. Anyway, that stuff is not as easy as it looks or as the graffitists make it look. It took lots of studying and a steady hand to make it come out right.

But...have you ever seen PROFESSIONAL graffiti? It's like perfect on the first shot. And you know that the person isn't standing there for five hours doing it. And how do they know how the letters fit together? Amazing. True Artists.

2. "Jenny, I got your number, I need to make you mine. Jenny, don't change your number, 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. I got it, I got it, I got it! I got your number on the wall! For a good time, for a good time call..." -Tommy Tutone "Jenny"

One place where human markings are prominent and that never seizes to amaze me is bathroom stalls. I love how people put stuff like "Magpie wasz here" as if we know who the heck you are. Or when people write:

YAY! Celebrate your love by writing your initials in a heart with the one you adore on a wall probably covered with unimaginable microorganisms in the most degrading place: public bathrooms. I mean come on people! People pee and poop in those stalls! Maybe even ON the stalls! Well, I guess nothing says "I love you, you are the one for me." like putting it up on a bathroom stall wall. Just make sure you etch it in so it doesn't get covered up with paint when the janitors decide to paint over the sharpie marks.

People write their phone numbers or others’ numbers up there. Have you ever been tempted to call the number and be like, "Hey, it said for a good time in this Soldier Field's bathroom stall to call this number. I am just sitting here pooping so I thought I'd call because I'm bored." I wonder if the numbers are fake. I should try that sometime. With my luck, I would probably get some old man who use to be an CIA agent and will trace the number back to me. Not good.

Some people write some funny stuff. In Jolly, Tx, there is a gas station and restaurant right off of 287-S. You can't miss it. There is nothing in Jolly, Tx but that. Unfortunately, I was unable to hold my pee any longer and needed to use their high class facilities. By the way, if you can manage to hold off until the next town, you might want to do that. Anyways, people started conversations on the wall.

Have you ever been so desperate to pee here you don't think about how gross it is?

Reply: Sadly yes

The weirdest one was the following:

Please don't throw toothpicks in the toilet because the crabs use them to vault.

Whaaaaaaattt? Who comes up with this? Plus, do people have THAT much time sitting on a gross public gas station toilet to think that up? The biggest question...who carries a sharpie with them 24/7?

Mark Your Territory

There is an old love tradition that two love birds write their initials on a tree with a heart. Romantic or Cheesy? Is that some sign of immortalizing that love? Hmmmmm....so, what happens when the tree goes through a drought and due to extreme heat spontaneously combusts in to a burning pillar of flames? Or what happens when a housing development company decides that it wants to build some multi-family housing and cuts the tree down? Does your love dwindle? Do you fall apart? Or does your love burn as an eternal flame? *wink* Romantic or Cheesy? I think it can go either way depending on the person.

"I'll get you my pretty!!!"

Has anyone ever offended you? Has anyone ever hypothetically ripped your heart out and held it beating before your eyes? And then squeezed it as they laughed? Has anyone ever angered you to the point where you see red? Yeah? Well, what are you going to do about?

Announce to the world how that person is a complete and utter JERK! That's right folks! Write it up on a billboard! Write it on the side of a train! BETTER YET! Write on the trailer of a semi. That way the WHOLE world will see how horrible Nick or Betty or Richard or Mollie is. So who cares if there are a million other Nicks, Bettys, Richards or Mollies? Well maybe not Betty. I haven't seen that many Bettys. Anyway, at least we know they are a jerk and we can stare at them with evil eyes. YEAH!

So, in the end, look around. You're eyes will be opened to a whole new world of vandalism. Believe me, as you start thinking about it, it is pretty interesting. And you too might find humor in the words written on the wall.

Until next time,

Magpie

From Vampire to Jesus

2011-10-25T02:03:00.000-05:00

As a nurse, you have the option of working all sorts of shifts. 7am-7pm, 7am-3pm, 3pm-11pm, 7pm-7am, 3pm-3am, etc. For the past year, I have worked the night shift, grave yard shift, shift of the dead. Whatever. For the most part it was great. I worked on a "regular" floor. When I moved and joined the Army Nurse Corps, I became the night shift worker for the Maternal Child Unit. In other words I was a mommy/baby nurse. Nonetheless, things start to change after working night shift.

1. "IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS!!!!!"

Night shift makes the sun become your enemy. It sears through your skin and burns your very soul. Sometimes you forget that it exists. You come in with the sun down (or going down) and you leave when the sun is coming up...if it has even woke up yet.

After working the night shift for such a long time, I started to CRAVE blood....literally. So my higher superiors thought it wise to move me to another unit. So Magpie the Vampire gets moved to Perianesthesia Care Unit (PACU). Operating Room is only open during the day. DAY SHIFT!!!! Man, the first time I walked into the daylight I felt like my eyes were receding into the back of my head. My body quickly began self destructing. This isn't right. What is this highly intense light source? Why does it burn? WHAT DOES IT WANT FROM ME?

I became accustomed to the light soon and became a new living being. As if I rose from the dead. It was pretty amazing.

2. "BE HEALED BY THE POWER OF CHRIST!"

Another thing that was different for me was the patient care. Here I was already caring for patients who were awake, could wake up on command, or were at least functioning in some capacity.

Now I wasn't. Now I was waking people up from a slumber during which they were cured or fixed. It was like being Jesus! Sitting by their side, being the first thing they see. Telling them that everything went fine. Telling them that they were cured! Man, Jesus had a life...

3. Things actually exist during the day

No one exists during the vampire hunting time AKA the night. Stores, malls and other merchandise-carrying places are closed. Restaurants are closed after a certain time. Even bars stop serving alcohol after a certain hour. It is hard to find anything open 24 hours. Denny's, IHOP, Walgreens and your occasional Meijers (props to those who know what that is).

My favorite pastime is moseying through Walmart. I would walk around, view the people, try on clothes, play in the toy aisle. Early on my relationship with my boyfriend, when we were still just "hanging out" with each other, we played catch in the sports aisle. I would sit in the patio furniture. Oh and take random artsey pictures. No one bothered me there. Try doing that during the day!

When I switched to a day shift schedule, a whole new world was opened up to me. I was able to shop at the mall! I was able to eat where ever I wanted. People watching was AMAZING. SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!! Yet with this newly discovered attribute to the day life, chaos overwhelmed my brain. This many people really exist in one place? How do they all function together? How do they not bump into each other like ping pong flubber in a tiny glass box? I can't follow everyone! I can't seem to get out of their way! Amazingly, they seemed like they could. They navigated around and through each other's paths sometimes, without even looking up at the person. Wow...just wow. I adapted as quickly as I could to this phenomenon. I reach way back into the recesses of my mind to my pre-night shift coping skills. It was sorta like trying to ride a bike after having amnesia, not that I know what that is like.

So no more hiding in the shadows; no more fear of being melted away like the Wicked Witch of the West only with the sun rather than water; no more living the life of a vampire. I was now a new woman. I was a healer.

Just in time too! A couple months later and I moved to the Emergency Department...on night shift.

With all my love, my deliciously blood filled readers!

Magpie.

What's on your armpit?

2010-10-29T12:36:00.000-05:00

So I was putting on my deodorant (and antiperspirant...they just so happen to be in the same container/tube) and I decided to take a nice long whiff. It had a flowery, fruity sweet smell. I turned it around to read what it was that I was smelling considering I had forgotten what I bought at the store months ago.

Rain Kissed Water Lily

That is my flavor.

It got me thinking. What exactly does a rain kissed water lily smell like? Has anyone gone out after a nice gentle rain to a pond, waded out to a water lily and smelled it? Did they get water in their pants while doing so? As I pondered these complex questions, I thought about what a rain kissed water lily SHOULD smell like.

Most people have smelled the air right before a big storm or spring rain. I can't explain the smell exactly but it is similar to wet dirt. Wet dirt smell is like when you open a bag of warm, fresh, moist top soil you potted plants in, only less concentrated. So take your bag of top soil and spread it across the earth. That is what rain kissed smells like to me.

Now let's work on the water lily. Has any of my readers smelled a water lily? I have a water lily back home in our fish's pond. Just to let you all know THAT one does not smell. Looks beautiful...just no scent pours forth from the delicate pale pink petals. You can smell the fishy smell similar to smelling Lake Michigan water (a rather outdoorsy smell than a deterrent smell) but no fragrance from the delicate bloom.

So the question exists...does any water lily really have a perfumey scent? Upon further research using google and wikipedia, the answer is yes. Its name: Nymphaea odorata aka...dun dun duuuuunnnn.....Fragrant Water Lily or.....Beaver Root whhhaaattt??? Somehow Beaver Root has no resemblance to Fragrant Water Lily. But that is just me.

Ok, so we confirmed that a fragrant water lily DOES exist and it is called some weird unfragrant names. But honestly, people, has anyone smelled that flower after a rain? And can rain even kiss? Fairies can...I don't know about rain.

But, my readers, Rain Kissed Water Lily is not the only flavor that doesn't seem to make sense. What about Old Spice Swagger? How does anyone know what swagger smells like? To me, when I hear swagger I think of a rustic, scruffy bearded pirate who reeks of stale old rum and urine. Swagger.

I will admit, it does smell godly.

Secret has a lot of "don't make sense" smells. "Green Euphoria"? Sounds like deodorant just took some acid. Degree is a little more conservative until you go to their "Girl" series. "Love"? "Just Dance"? As far as I heard in some songs, love actually stinks. And just dance reminds me of sweat. So not exactly scents that I would like to wear. The men's side is just as funky (excuse the smelly description-AH HA HA...that was a joke). "Adventure" and "V-12" makes me think of FlapJack the cartoon and a diesel truck engine. I don't know what Flapjack smells like but a diesel engine is not something I want to cuddle up next to.

Let this blog not discourage you from wearing deodorant/antiperspirant. Believe me, you are not an aura of smell good when you don't wear it. I have experienced it. I have been to Europe several times. Some people over there do not wear any type of scent but B.O. aka body odor. When I was in Ireland on a bus ride to the Wicklow National Park, there was a girl about my age there from Bologna who probably didn't shower in two days and didn't have deodorant/antiperspirant. I was nauseous the whole way until I got some nice fresh Ireland mountain air. Then I had to ride the way back.

Nothing, and I repeat NOTHING beats the smells of World Youth Day. World Youth Day is a gathering of youth from around the world in one concentrated spot to celebrate being Catholic and to see the pope. It can get very crowded. Talk about some interesting smells. One time, my group was standing on a subway going somewhere. We were packed in there. By packed I mean clown car packed. Like sardines. You got to know your neighbor very well. Riding on a subway means to brace yourself on poles and loops from the ceiling which would, if you are not familiar with riding subways, would require you to raise you arm exposing the arm pit. We were surrounded by armpits who hadn't seen a cool, refreshing breeze probably since three days ago. And nothing stopped the heavy smell from escaping and lingering in front of our noses. I looked over at my brother whose nose was practically bumping into some Italian's hairy armpit by the jolts of the subway car.

One tradition of world youth day is to trade things. You can bring medals or cards or gifts from your state, country etc. I brought some cards and medals. I should have brought travel size deodorant/antiperspirant. "Here! A gift from the Americas!!!"

Anyway, place your deodorant/antiperspirant on your underarms. Don't be afraid to wave hello, fully extending your arm into the air. Be proud to smell like rain kissed water lily.

Until next time,

The wonderfully scented,

Magpie.

Yan Can Cook...but can Magpie?

2010-06-28T00:15:00.003-05:00

So, today I had the irresistible urge to do some home cooking. So I broke out the Kitchen Aide, flour and sugar and started on my adventure in cooking. Usually things go pretty smoothly and I have no issues. Yet there was a black rain cloud over Magpie's new apartment kitchen today.

I started out with pretzels. They turned out ok. I mean they didn't look like the ones in the picture but the taste test proved to be good to go. Tasted yummy. I sent them off to family and friends plain with the intention that when they arrived to their destination, the receivers would make their own topping. I considered setting baked goods at random people's doors but thought that would be a bit creepy. Can you imagine trying to send pretzels all buttery and gooey with sugar and/or salt toppings? Disastrous! Well my puffy little fat pretzels came out and that was the start of the day. Good start, you say? Read on, my friends...read on.

Dinner fast approached and I pondered what to make for it. After all, I needed to eat something as it was 2300 (11pm for those of my readers unfamiliar with military time). For the past week, I was craving breakfast food. Not cereal or hash browns or eggs but I was craving French toast. Moist French toast that is slightly buttery and covered in sweet gooey syrup. I pulled out my fancy Teflon frying pan I bought in a set from Walmart and set to cooking. After putting a slab of butter in the bottom of said frying pan, I turned on my stove and started mixing the eggs with just a tad scootch of milk. A scootch (pronounced like scotch except with a long o) is when you hold the milk over the bowl and just wiggle the jug so some splashes out, just fyi. The butter starts sizzling, notifying me that it is now time to add the eggy bread. Smoke begins rise from my frying pan so I turned on the over head thingy that sucks the exhaust from the oven. Exhaust fan, yeah. I get two slices of bread freshly placed in the pan when all of a sudden a loud piercing alarm goes off. After, regaining my bearings, I quickly abandon my feast (after turning off the heat source) to climb a chair and press the button on the smoke detector. Silence in sued as I tried to plan how to get the smoke out of my apartment. I turned on both bathroom exhaust fans, opened my porch door and turned on every blessed fan in my abode. As I turned to go back to cooking, I found that a great deal of smoke was pouring into the air above my frying pan.

"What the heck??? I turned off the stove!" I found myself saying aloud. (I am finding that I talk to myself much more now that I am living alone.)

Apparently, you have to REMOVE the cooking utensil from the burner on electric stoves as the burner does not cool down as rapidly as on a gas range top. Another lesson learned in the world of the independent Magpie. I went to turn off the lights in my apartment so that bugs wouldn't come in attracted to the light (and so that my neighbors would only hear the insanity and not see it). The alarm rang out yet again so I re climbed my alarm chair and pressed the standby button. And then I stood there. On the chair. Waiting. Waiting for that alarm to go off again. It happened one more time. Then I ate my French toast (slightly soggy due to sitting in egg and butter for a good half hour) by light of the t.v.

BUT the night is not over yet for night shift Maggie! I've got to add insult to injury! I promised the brothers and some friends cookies! Can't let them down! Things calmed down alarm wise so I was able to resume my night life in somewhat normalcy without fans going and doors opened. I turned on the stove and began preparing the cookie sheets, as I already made the dough. I have to say, I was a little tentative about the electric stove. I didn't have a whole lot of experience baking in one and the last time I did, my cake didn't turn out cooked right. However, my first few batches came out amazing. Delicious, I might add. I guess cooking with an electric stove wasn't all THAT bad.

Spoke too soon.

I dapped on the fourth batch. The timer went off suggesting that it was finished. But they were still raw. So I added more time. The timer went off a second time. Nope, still raw. Maybe I need to turn the temperature up. I turned the dial from 375 degrees to 400 and reset the timer.

DING DING DING

Still raw.

Hmmmmm.......450. Reset timer.

DING DING DING

STILL raw. 500. Reset timer.

DING DING DING.

Raw...crispy...and I could touch all of the inside of the oven. It took two hours to bake that one batch that didn't even BAKE! AND it was now something like 0200 (2am). I was tired. I was discouraged. I was fed up. How many cooking disasters need to occur in one day!?!?!? I threw the rest of everything away. No more cooking for the Magpie tonight. I'll pick it up another time. Maybe even earlier in the day so as not to wake up my sleeping day shift neighbors.

Now, I hope that I did not chase any of my readers away with my cooking story. I am actually an EXCELLENT cook and LOVE to bake for my family and friends. Next time you come over I'll show you. Till next time!

Magpie.

PS. I thought I broke my stove. I was really frustrated. But then a few days later it worked again. I am now convinced that either my kitchen hates me or is laughing at me while I sleep.

What's In A Name?

2010-05-25T17:05:00.000-05:00

One of the first things people ask me when I introduce myself is if I go by any nicknames. This is a long and complicated answer that I usually just reply, “You can call me whatever you can remember me by, as long as it isn’t anything bad.” I remember when I had to put that clarifier on. Someone turned around and called me a name which I cannot repeat on my family friendly blog. It started with a B and ended with an H. Yes, even the good can be classified as bad. That is if you consider me a good person. Most of you internet readers don’t know me beyond the letters formed into words on this page. Muhahahhaha I shall use this to my advantage.

Anyway, over the years of telling people to call me whatever, I have found a wide variety of nicknames that are not the usual nicknames found with Margaret. Yes, you have gotten the inside scoop on my real life non internet name! Consider yourselves blessed. My first name is Margaret.

If we Wikipedia Margaret, we come up with a whole list of nicknames. Meg, Meggie, Madge, Maggie, Mag, Meghan, Megan, Peggy, Peg, Marg

The first nickname was given to me by none other than myself. I renamed myself Margi (pronounced Margee with a hard “g” sound). This lasted all the way pretty much until I reached middle school. My dad also called me Pooks during my younger years. Sounds like spooks without the s. I am not sure where the name came from but that was my nickname from dad. Marg is also a name that is used quite frequently around the house. I think it is just a nickname made out of laziness. Which is fine. I like Marg a lot.

In middle school, my brother nicknamed me the longest nickname I have ever had. Ready? Go.

“Margie Pargie Pudding and Pie kissed the boys and made them cry. When the girls came out to play, Margie Pargie Ran away.”

This was after the nursery rhyme:

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play, Georgie Porgie ran away.

It was quite annoying when he wanted to ask me a simple two or three word question.

““Margie Pargie Pudding and Pie kissed the…” he would start

“What?” I asked

“…boys and made them cry. When…”

“WHAT?!?!?”

“…the girls came out to play,”

“WILL YOU JUST ASK ME ALREADY!?!?”

“ Margie Pargie Ran away?”

“Ok, what?”

“Can you pass the milk?”

“…..”

This nickname still carries on today, with my seven year old brother pulling the same thing. Only thankfully he does not go on to say the whole poem. He just greets me with the first line. Still, in the morning, it is not exactly the thing I want to hear.

In high school, I received the nickname that I carried on and titled this blog. I was honorably nicknamed Magpie by one of the band members. Sometimes it was shortened to Mag or Mags but it was mostly Magpie. This was one of the more unusual ones I received.

College brought a new nickname to the table. A friend of mine fondly started calling me Margѐ. (Pronounced Marga soft “g” long “a”) This stuck pretty much my whole college experience. It is hard for people to pronounce so I tend not to tell people this one. The say Marge like Large Marge from Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure. Ten points for you if you’ve seen the movie. Five points for you if you only heard of the movie. Twenty points for you if you’ve heard the movie, seen the movie and know the scene in which I type of.

After I graduated and started my career as a professional nurse, I had to start initializing everything. Well fortunately, I have the best initials in the world: M.E.G. So I would just initial everything Meg. All my coworkers began calling me Meg. I explained that it wasn’t my real name but my initials but the name stuck. At the hospital, there was also a nurse from the ER who would call me Maggie May after the Rod Stewart song. But no one else really called me Maggie. Anyway, you all have to guess my middle name.

Now that I have moved on, the nicknames continue to come. I am now officially a Maggie and I love it. Maggie is more of an Irish nickname so maybe that is why I am drawn to it so much. However, almost everyone calls me that here. Maggie. I like the ring it has to it. A couple of people use derivatives of Maggie like Mags, or Mag. But Maggie is always the more common.

I will always have nicknames given to me. I believe that Margaret is the most versatile name for nicknames. I wouldn’t change my name for the world. I love all my nicknames. To me, nicknames are a sign of comfort and ease. If people are comfortable around me enough to make a nickname for me, then I am happy. My mission is complete. Nicknames are also a personalizer. People “adopt” me as their own when I am given a nickname. Weird, I know.

TTFN! (Ta Ta For Now!)

Magpie (or anything else you would like to call me)

California Dreamin'

2010-05-03T14:20:00.002-05:00

So the other night I saw the midnight showing of Nightmare of Elm Street and thus began thinking about dreams. My dreams can be really incredibly real sometimes. The movie kind of reminded me of it. Yes, readers, the subconscious mind of Magpie is just as crazy as the real awake version. Here are some of the top dreams of mine. And for fun, I have interpretations too!

#1 Scariest Dream

I would have to say the scariest dream I ever had would be years ago. I guess I am not easily scared. I was eating at a restaurant with a family friend and my brothers. After we were done, we began walking to the car. We were not on a good side of town and I sensed that something was going to go down. All of a sudden a shot was fired and another. People started running from behind buildings. I started running to get to cover and somehow got disconnected from my brother. We were in the middle of a gang gun fight. I could hear the shots being fired. It was seriously real to me. I looked around and could not find my little brother. I started to panic. I found the family friend but could not find my brother. The family friend got shot. I started to freak out and finally woke up. I was still freaked out and still wondering if my brother was ok. Yeah, I admit it. I was pretty sweaty. I mean I had just gotten out of a fire fight. The only thing that would help was going to mom and dad.

*Knock knock*

"Huh? Wha? Who's there?" a low sleepy drone voice asked

"Dad...." I whispered, "I had a nightmare..."

"....."

"It was real."

"Go back to sleep."

"Ok."

Yeah, that was all I needed. A though back to reality. And yes, readers, I was still in high school.

Interpretation:

A gang represents a group of fears, aggressive tendencies, or parts of myself. The shooting represents the destruction of a part of myself by another which is demanding energies in an aggressive way. Losing my brother represents some feelings about a lost opportunity, something that I have forgotten that I need to remember, or the loss of an important personal quality of mine. So I conclude that it is time for me to find that sock that I lost on June 13, 1999 because I am afraid that I will have a mismatched pair for the rest of my life.

#1 Saddest Dream

I think my saddest dream, again, had to do with my ex. We were still in that broken up state as I mentioned before. So we were in his car driving down a street near my house. We were discussing how we were broken up. I was asking if we get back together. I wasn't being annoying or whining just pleading with my misery that I wanted to be with him. Well he told me no in the dream. Yeah, not a happy wake up for Magpie. Meh, I am good to go now.

Interpretation: The car represents me being influenced by someone else...you know what....I'll tell you what it means without the help of a book. It was my mind telling my heart to stop mulling over something I knew wasn't going to work. But sometimes your heart doesn't want to listen to your mind. Sometimes your emotions over rule logic and you don't want to listen to the people around you or yourself. Therefore, it had to tell me while I was sleeping that it is not going to happen. Geez, my mind is a genius.

#1 Happiest Dream

There was a point in time where my ex and I were not together. We had broken up for a few months. I really missed him and it was hard during that time. One night, a few weeks before we started going out again., I had one of my favorite dreams.

It was spring out and I was sitting on our deck in the backyard. Everything was green and the birds were chirping. The flowers were all blooming and the sun was nice and warm. I liked the outside but on the inside I was not happy. I was apart from the guy that I loved. I turned around to go back inside and instead saw my ex standing at the bottom of the deck stairs. I didn't say anything because my heart was pumping and skipping around.

"Hello" he said

"Hi" I said, "I really missed you."

At this point, he reached up to hug me. I reached down and instead of a hug he lifted me off of the deck and held me for a little before he set me on the ground. After my feet hit the ground, we just stood there. He just held me in a hug. It was the most comfortable feeling in the world. I felt safe and felt like all my pain and hurt was done with. When I woke up, I still had the feeling of his arms around me.

Interpretation: Springtime represents a new beginning in some area of my life. My ex represents my felt relationship with a particular man, or males in general. The hug represents the feelings of control. So basically in this dream, I am not wanting to move on in my new single life and want to hold on to what I see as comfortable. What does this all mean? Suck it up, Magpie, and dive in! The water's fine.

#1 Saddest Dream

#1 Zombie Dream

It never fails that after a zombie movie, I will have a zombie dream. Now, if you read an earlier blog, you will find that my ultimate zombie plan is inebriation. I actually find the topic of zombies interesting, stimulationg and deep. Yet at the same time utterly laughable. So after watching Dawn of the Dead, I had my #1 Zombie dream.

I was somewhere in New York just running. I think it was Central Park but I have never been to New York or Grand Central Park so I can't say for sure. But anyways, it was dark outside and I could see only the streetlights and the things underneath them. It kind of looked like the Twilight Zone. I heard a low drone which was a classic sign of a Zombie somewhere. I started running again, looking back behind me to see if I was outrunning the unseen Zombie. As I entered a tunnel, I faced forward. Before me stood a zombie. He didn't move. He just stared at me. I stopped running and watched him. He honestly just stood there. I mean he saw me. He just didn't move toward me. I went up close and sure enough, he was "alive". Why didn't he attack me? I just didn't get it. I started laughing. This was totally not for real. Then the zombie started laughing. We both had a good laugh together, we walked off like old buddies conversating. Then I woke up laughing. It was pretty good.

Interpretation: The zombie represents that I feel emotionally disconnected from things going on around me. Running represents trying to escape from some emotion or some fear. So what did I gather from this dream? Dream interpretation is a bunch of crock sometimes.

#1 Funniest Dream

By far the funniest dream I had occurred quite recently. I was going through BOLC and having some funky dreams. I would wake up half asleep and notice two people from my platoon trying to get me up to formation at o'dark 30. Ends up no one was waking me up and I was dreaming. As we were going through our field training, this occurred more frequently. One night, my dream became reality.

I was sitting under a tree in full battle rattle with two other fellow soldiers. The other two were sleeping. I started to hit the soldier next to me.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! We have to get to formation. Wake up!"

They didn't wake up so I moved to the next soldier.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" I said as I hit the other soldier.

"WHAT?" a voice said.

"Who is this?!?!" I asked.

"It's me Meghan...you're roommate...I've been sleeping next to you the past month."

"Oh....well then who is this?" I asked as I hit the "soldier" next to me.

"That's your duffel." Meghan replied, "Go to bed, Crazy."

So apparently, I was hitting my duffel trying to wake it up and then hit my room mate who was sleeping in the cot next to me to wake her up. I thought for sure it would be my head in the morning for waking anyone up. However, it was a good laugh instead. I am actually amazed at my mad skills of not falling out of a tipped cot from reaching across the abysses to hit her.

Interpretation: I honestly think that the reason I had this dream was my paralyzing fear of being late to formations and anything else in the army. I have a tendency to be late to everything so I had to try extra hard and be very vigilant to not be late. I managed pretty well thanks to my roommate and my developing sense of time. Oh, and a watch did help. I think this dream was my stressor spilling over into my dream state.

So in the end, dreams can tell you a lot. They can tell you your fears and they can reveal things to you that you refuse to see even though your subconscious is screaming. Or they can just be fun.

Anyway, go see Nightmare on Elm Street if you haven't already. It is a pretty good flick and worth it.

Magpie

Gag me with a spoon...

2010-04-02T10:38:00.000-05:00

So the other day as I sat in another boring PowerPoint brief, I began to allow my mind to wander. Now you all know what happens when my mind wanders. It can get a little crazy. Anywhos, I began to think about how much I miss my kitchen aide. I just want to bake something! Like muffins with my silicon muffin cups that I can reuse for the rest of my life. I want to turn on the candy apple red mixer and hear the hum and smell the ingredients as they are gently thrown against the side of the shiny metal bowl. I almost cried thinking about the beautiful scene being played out in my head.

To prevent tears from spilling forth from my eyeballs I began to think about the other tools in the kitchen that are utilized. Then my thought shifted. What is my favorite kitchen utensil? HEY! BETTER YET!!!!!! What kitchen utensil would I be IF I were a kitchen tool???? Clever eh?

So while we learned about mentors and proteges and mentorees (which I think sounds like manatees which I would rather not be compared to but, meh, it is not my presentation) I began to list out the utensils and think about which one resembles me the most.

Spoon

The curvy spoon. For some reason I think of a spoon as something cuddley. I think because when they sit in the drawer they all nestle together like I do when I curl up in my blankets at night. Maybe because you can't really make a good batch of comfort food like chocolate chip chunk cookies or a cup of delicious steamy, creamy hot chocolate. Mmmmmmm. Well, I guess you can make it with a fork or a potato smasher but it would not be the same. I don't think it will taste right.

Also nothing beats a good wooden spoon. They are sturdy. They are reliable. Some families have a wooden spoon that gets passed on from generation to generation. That is way awesome. They are comfortable to hold. Ever try mixing a stiff batch with a metal spoon? It hurts after a while. Wood is the way to go. Yeppers, good old oak or pine.

Face it spoons are pretty cool. Without a spoon you could not eat soup or oatmeal. I mean you can just drink it up from the bowl but then, at least in today's society, you will look barbaric(don't worry I do it all the time). Not a good first impression if you are trying to make a good first impression.

Plus, they come in every MRE. Actually they are the only utensil that comes in an MRE. I have a ton of MRE spoons. They are that cool.

So, could I be a spoon? I can be part spoon I guess. I am curvy. But something just seems to be missing from a spoon that I couldn't quite pinpoint at the time of my logical thought process. So I moved onto the next utensil

Fork

Forks are pretty awesome, you have to admit. How many people can eat spaghetti without a fork? I would like to see you try! Plus why wouldn't you want to? It is fun to twirl that thing. Admit it. You know you like it.

They also stabilize articles of food. Try stabilizing, using a spoon, a hunk of awesome juicy grilled peppered piece of cow while you cut it. Yeah, not going to happen. Everyone around you will laugh and you are probably not worthy of eating Bessie who died for your meal. (I love beef) Forks. They way to go.

But can I be a fork? Nope. Not prongy enough. Plus forks look mean. I don't think that will work.

Knife

Knives are one of the rare kitchen utensils that can cross into the magical world of the Home Depot cutting aisle. It crosses over into the world of self defense. Knives are not only a kitchen utensil but so much more. You can't cook without a knife. I don't now about you but soup with whole pieces of celery, carrots or onions is not very easy to eat. Presentation is everything. Hunks of food is not easy to eat. It is hard on your stomach. Chunks are no good.

You can't cut with a fork or spoon. It will take you forever. Like that moose on Happy Tree Friends. It took him forever to free himself from under the tree with a spoon. And painfully slow. And you will look stupid.

I am not cunning like a knife. I try not to cut like one. I am not handy like tools. Knives are definitely unrepresentative of me.

So what utensil am I? I had to talk to some friends. Both of them said the same thing right off the bat.....

SPORK

Yeppers, the rare, almighty, unique spork. That is the one. It is odd shaped. It is dually used as a spoon and fork. It is almost human! I am unique and I am just a little weird. I say things that most people don't even think about (although I believe you do, you just don't vocalize it). I am just me. Sporks are just them. Sporks also make people happy. Who picks up a spork and say with fiery anger, "I HATE SPORKS!!!"? Sporks are just cool. People smile with sporks. I am happy. I like to smile. I hope I make other people smile and happy. So in the end, I had no choice but to agree. At last I felt comfortable with my kitchen utensil choice.

I am a spork.

What are you?

Magpie :)

Touchy Feely

2010-03-31T19:02:00.002-05:00

I am not one to share all my feelings and rants on a blog. If I do, it is more in an educational, story telling mode that usually ends up funny rather than a gar rar rar fest. Anyways, today is one of those rare days that I will. I will write here my feelings so hold on to your hats. Cherish this day, reader, because I guarantee it is not going to happen often.

Just as a background to all readers, new and old alike, I love trauma. I know that it is sick in a twisted way. Yet, if I did not love trauma, then who would take care of your family members who God-forbid, might end up in a trauma-like situation? Just like there are nurses who love doing Cancer and nurses who love catching slippery cheesy babies, I like trauma. Before you think that I am sadistic or evil or cold hearted, stop. Like I said, everyone has a passion in life. If your passion is sitting in front of a computer and invoicing the heck out of your company so be it. Leave me to my ER. I don't want to see anyone get hurt. Trauma, as much as I love it, is horrible and devastating. However, if it happens, I want to be there to fix things.

Recently, I have been getting frustrated. I can't use the word discouraged because that would mean that I am giving up. I am not discouraged, just frustrated.

I cannot begin to explain the feelings I get when I see firetrucks, fire engines, ambulances and, my favorite, helicopters (particularly Blackhawks). They all signal trauma. During one of my field training exercise, a Blackhawk came to pick up "casualties". I turn to the Captain next to me and said, "That...is...so...cool!" He just shook his head. I asked, "Don't you get that feeling? hat feeling when the Blackhawk comes soaring over and lands? That awesome overwhelming feeling?" "No," he replied, "You are just too Army."

I am just too Army.

Another time, I was watching Blackhawk Down with some of my fellow BOLC officers. The scene where the medic is trying to clamp the severed artery? That is the type emergency medicine I want to practice. I want to be a first responder! I want that! I want to be able to make that first critical vital difference in the life of someone. I want to have to think quickly and innovatedly to save the life of my patient. I mentioned that out loud which was my mistake. "THAT is the nursing I want to do." "No you don't" One of my fellow classmates told me.

Nope. Obviously I don't. Because this officer who knew me for at the most one month can read my heart, mind and soul. Obviously, he, like so many before him, know and dictate what I should like to do in my life.

I know what I want. I know what I feel. I know what gets me going. Maybe I don't look tough enough. Maybe I don't look like I can handle stress, physically or mentally. Maybe people are afraid that I will break.

Granted, I know that people mean well. But let me do what will make me happy. Face it, trauma happens and sometimes unfortunately people die as a result. So if it happens and I know that people die regardless of everything I might do to them to save them, why prevent or discourage me from doing what I want to do? Death is not easy whether it is a person bleeding out because he was in a three car crash or a person who was blown to pieces from an IED or a person who died a slow painful death from ovarian cancer. They are different for every person and family. Yet it is death. It still hurt when my oncology patient screamed out in pain for medicine and I was unable to help him/her. It still hurt when they died after knowing them for months and caring for them and their family. How can you tell me that I will not be able to handle my trauma patient screaming out or dying? Do people think that medical/oncology or any other nursing is a "softer" form of nursing? No, it is all hard physically and mentally and emotionally. Why not let me do what I want and love?

It is hard enough to fight to get ahead of the game. It is hard enough trying to get into an ER when everyone else wants to get there too. Discouragement is not what I need.

I will become who I want to be. I will save lives. I will become a highly skilled critical care/ER/flight nurse. It will take work. It will take sacrifice. It will take time. It will take experience. I am willing and ready to do all of that. Just stick around...you'll see.

Thank you for your time. Now back to the regularly scheduled magpie blog posts.

Paranoid

2010-02-23T12:27:00.005-06:00

Finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind
People think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time
All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy
Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify
Can you help me occupy my brain?
Oh yeah
I need someone to show me the things in life that I can't find
I can't see the things that make true happiness, I must be blind
Make a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and I will cry
Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal
And so as you hear these words telling you now of my state
I tell you to enjoy life I wish I could but it's too late

Ok, so I don't have a woman and I am not sad or unloved. I just like that song. It rocks my socks. But, on with the blog...

So there are many different forms of paranoia. It is a paralyzing irrational fear. Some people are claustrophobic or afraid of small closed spaces. Some people have arachnophobia or a fear of spiders. I have none of the above. I have an irrational fear of public bathrooms.

No, I am not afraid of grossness or of the strange forms of undiscovered bacteria that might loom there. I am irrationally and deathly afraid of being in the wrong one. So here goes my confession. I am crazy.

Well it all started back when I was on a date at Chili. I needed to use the bathroom so I went towards the sign that directed me to the restroom. I entered the bathroom and saw baby toilets. I pondered what this new addition to the women's bathroom might be. I began to list all the possibilities.

This is odd. Why are there little toilets in the women's bathroom? And there is no stall around it. This is just not making sense. Maybe it is for mom's when they bring their children into the bathroom. Yeah. That has got to be it.

I make my way into the stall. I was still rolling this solution in my head. The decision making committee within my brain was not in agreement with my solution. Questions and doubts were being raised by the mental decision making panel. The realistic logical brain cells protested this ridiculous though "Magpie, you gotta rethink this through." Other cells were firing rapidly, "Yeah, it makes total sense! Why even question it."

With the fight still on within my noggin', I exited the stall and went to wash my hands. Finally, the brain matter stopped mid-fight and I looked at myself in the mirror. I stared into my own eyes as the realization hit me. Those little toilets were not for kids that moms brought in. Those were URINALS IN THE MEN'S BATHROOM.

"Oh.....no..."

The bathroom door opened and I said the quickest most sincerest prayer I have ever said, "Please don't let that be a guy." I opened my eyes after my prayer and saw a guy pass behind me. Purse on my forearm, I scooted as quickly out of that bathroom as humanly possible. I don't think he saw me. I am stealth like that. Ohhhh.....Yeah.

The second incident occurred in Union Station in Chicago. I had just finished my NCLEX AKA the Nurse License exam and was heading home with a clouded mind. Medications, patient care, and thoughts of failure were all zipping through my brain. I walked absent-mindly into the bathroom because sitting for 2 hours after coffee was not exactly that appealing to my bladder. As I entered the bathroom I was faced with the back of a tall slender guy staring at the wall. I stopped as I was only 3 feet within what I realized was the men's bathroom. Remembering my stealth skills from my previous wrong bathroom experience, I spun on one heel only to face a really cute guy.

"Uhh....I'm in the wrong bathroom." I managed to get out.

"Yeah...you scared me." cute boy replied.

Yeah, the whole train ride home I had to stare at that cute guy...until I arrived home.

I began to have nightmares at this point. Nightmares that I was in the wrong bathroom and the only way I could get out was by walking past all the guys standing at the urinals. In real life, I started double checking signs before entering bathrooms. I began to stare at bathroom signs that people made in other languages or that people made all cutesy just to make sure it all translated to "Ladies" or "Women" or "Female Species". Even when entering the right bathroom, my heart would drop when I heard the door open and I would peek through the cracks of the stall to see if the girl at the sink was a girl. Or I would peek at the stall next to me to see if it was a female shoe beside me.

My most recent incident was actually in another country. I was at Powerscourt Estate in Ireland. The bathroom was covered in ivy leaves and I located the sign of a stick person in a skirt. Without looking around, I entered the stall and did what I needed to do. I heard the bathroom door open.

My heart sank.

I hope I am in the right bathroom. What do I do if I am not???? HOW EMBARRASSING!!!! I know, I will just wait until I hear them go and I will leave. I am sure I am ok.

I heard the door open again and there was silence in the bathroom. I cracked the stall door open and peeked out. Before me, staring at me, laughing at me, were a row of pristine, white, ceramic urinals. I ran for my life hoping no one was on the other side of the door. Once I was outside, I glanced around to see if anyone caught me in the wrong bathroom. A lady on a phone sitting on a bench minding her own business. Good. I am safe. I turned back to see how I could have missed the sign that I double checked. Covering the males midsection was an ivy leave. This gave the bathroom sign the illusion of being a female stick person rather than a male stick person. Not my fault. Still made me even more paranoid though.

So anyways, this week is field training at BOLC. We had a briefing about staying in your gender appropriate tents. We could get in serious trouble if we are found in the opposite gender's tent. They said it will be clearly marked. And I am sure that the tents will not have ivy growing on them. I am still nervous. Not a paralyzing nervous but I guess a good healthy look-alive nervous that I will enter the wrong tent and be kicked out of the Army.

Ok, so I know that I won't get kicked out of the Army. But I know I will be reprimanded. With my awesome winning streak of bathroom mishaps, I am bound to walk into the wrong tent. I know it. Give me any insect and I will deal with it. Well, except centipedes. I will not and could not deal with those things. And I hear that they are huge down here. I am not excited about that but that is a story for another day.

Come on in, friend!

2010-01-23T21:00:00.000-06:00

So nothing tells the Walgreen's cashier that you are on the rag like piling on the counter a package of tampons, midol and beef jerky. We've all been there. Yeah, unless you are a guy but sometimes I still think you get visited by the period fairy just because it seems like everyone has "that time of the month."

There are a lot of misconceptions and myths that surround the mystified spirit that comes to women in the form of pain and hormonal fluctuations. The things you hear in the media and in cartoons are not blanket statments for everyone involved. Each person is different.

1) The low down on PMS

PMS gets such a bad rap. Someone is crabby and automatically they are PMSing. So not true. I am rarely crabby. I usually get crabby when people are idiots. Not because I have my Crimson Tide. I will admit, some people get INCREDIBLY irritable. It drives me nuts. Throw some ambien their way so that they sleep through it. Or just don't hang around them.

Before women get their period, hormones drop drastically. Thus the title of this section is the "low down" AH HA HA HA. Ok, I have to laugh at my own nerdy jokes, I know. Anyways, I am sure that everyone has had the drop feeling. Let me explain, has anyone ever had that dream of falling off a cliff and you jump in your sleep? How about being on a rollercoaster or other ride with a sudden drop? You know that feeling you get inside? Try imagining that with hormones. That is sorta what occurs. Everything is pretty much level and then it drops like a sack of heavy potatoes. This occurs usually before Aunt Flo visits. The drop in hormones is what tells the blood to start flowing basically. This sudden drop in hormones also causes a wide array of symptoms classified under the dreaded and feared phrase Pre-Menstrual Syndrome or PMS.

For some women, they become irritable. This is what the world around us protrays as the "classic" symptom. They show women, ranting about like they are going to chop someone's head off. Although some women are like this (I've seen it) this is not the typical scenario. Women will become more weepy, a little more on edge, and just have a shorter fuse in the inside. The woman you pass in the store today or the co-worker you sit next to every work day just might be PMSing and you don't even know it. Now you will look at her in a different way. Just watch. You are going to go to work and look at her and think, "I wonder if her hormones dropped today." Do us all a favor and don't ask her. That will be unwarranted and unwanted.

For me, I tend to just get more teary eyed. Thoughts of Dumbo's mom being incarcerated and Bambi yelling for his shot up mother in the fog seem to follow me everywhere. I might just start crying out of no where. If this occurs and you are around me, a hug would be nice. Hugs are always a good cure for the PMS blues.

Don't hug a psycho woman. You will not be well off after that. Let me repeat. Hugs do not cure psycho behavior. Only time does.

Some women also get physical complaints. They will state that they have bad cramps or a bad headache. I find that if you over hydrate before your period, your cramps are significantly better. My main issue is for a day, my back will be very tense and it will hurt. So will all my joints. I will also be super sleepy for a day. Midol is the miracle drug. I should make a song for Midol. Midol should pay me for putting a plug in my oh so famous blog.

Chart to help those understand.

I like charts. They help me.

I love this chart.

Heck, I love studying the whole menstrual cycle.

Yes, I am a freak.

And a nerd.

2) Cravings

Another misconception is that all women who have received the Monthly crave chocolate. Women crave a lot of weird stuff when their friend comes a callin'. Many women eat chocolate. Chocolate has natural happy stuff in it. Of course, and maybe I shouldn't be admitting this, but I will definitely use period sometimes as a way to eat chocolate guilt free.

I mostly though crave salt and protein. Like, I just want to take a hunk of beef and chow down. Just the other day I had like two tablespoons of peanut butter. It was so good. I wanted to eat the whole jar. My hips disagreed. I had to settle for the two tablespoons. I also love beef jerky. It is so good. I love the salt and the beef. Oh my gosh. I want some right now. Man, it is so good. So so good.

Some women will eat ice cream. Ice cream is good comfort food. My favorite ice cream will contain chocolate and peanut butter in some form. Moosetracks is a personal favorite. But when I'm on the rag, I go more for salty than I do for sweet.

3) What to do when a loved one has entered her monthly time.

Just love her or show you care really. That is all she needs. If she is crabby or irritable then just kinda let her be. Don't antagonize or try to pick fights. If a fight starts just know that she will be a little unreasonable. Let it go. You are not going to win and if you try to win you will ultimately lose in the end. Believe me, you will want to slap her, shake her, whatever to get sense into her mind. That will put you in jail. Just leave the room and let her rant it out. Its painful.

If you have someone like me who doesn't really get crabby but gets teary eyed, then again, just love them or care for them. Hug them and hold them. They might cry and cry. There might not be a rhyme or reason to them crying. It might be really "Nothing" behind those tears. Just random emotions that cannot be pin pointed. Hugs are good cures. Holding them is a good cure too. Soon they will be bouncing back to their random selves again in no time.

How long will this hell last? Again, it totally depends on the woman. If the girl is always PMSing chances are, she is just a jerk. You decide what you want to do with that. There is no way that a girl can crabby all the time and blame it on that. There is a personality thing that is happening. If she were a guy she couldn't blame it on hormones. She'd just be a prick. However, for girls like me, it is just a day of misery and then we're back to normal. Others have it more, lasting the whole time.

4) Facing the fact.

I was once embarrassed to buy my necessary items from the store. In fact, in the beginning, I would look around and wonder if anyone knew that Aunt Flo was staying with me. I felt like I had PERIOD written across my forehead in a purple permanent marker.

Then one day (not long after all this started) I realized that I am not the only girl who has period and that all girls get them. But I had to yet face my biggest fear...buying tampons, pads or anything to that nature...BY MYSELF! Mom would do it. I admit it. Mom did it for me. Dad on some occasions if he were going to the store at that time. Thank you Dad.

Well there came a time where I had to actually buy feminine products because no one could do it for me. I gathered my courage before I gathered my tampons. My heart was pounding so loud I thought everyone around me could hear it. Then tried to camouflage it with other useless items that I really didn't need at the time. A soda. Ketchup. Coffee. Pickles. Magazine. Socks. Mind you, this was the time before self check outs. All the cashiers (which was one or two) just HAD to be men right? Yep. So onward, soldier onward. I drew in a deep breath and piled the stuff on the conveyor belt all the while keeping my eyes down.

*beep*

Ketchup

*beep*

Coffee

*beep*

tampons

*Magpie breaths a sigh of relief while still maintaining non-eye contact with young male cashier*

*beep*

rest of items

Ok...mission almost accomplished. All I have to do is pay and then run. Pay and run. Pay and ru...

"Do you want any garbage stickers, stamps or our value item of the day?"

"WHAT??!?!?! NO!!!! I AM NOT ON MY PERIOd!!!!!"

Ok, that is what went through my mind. Not in actual life. Luckily my filter was turned to the on position and I did not yell that to the good cashier only trying to do his job.

"Um, uh, no that's ok. I'm good."

"Ok, your total is $whatever.00"

Pay.

Run.

Now, I don't care. I am all out there with my tampons. Yes, Young Male Cashier, I am a woman. I have my period. Hear me roar...rawr...

So here's to the a long life of monthly visitors. One of the many signs of my womanhood. Even if I could go for it being like two days instead of 4 or 5. And I could go without the aches.

Magpie.

Kick your heels together three times...

2009-12-21T00:39:00.004-06:00

...and pray you don't fall.

There is nothing like growing 4 inches magically with the help of your best pair of heels. Considering that today was "Wear Heel Day" in Magpie's world, I decided that today's blog post will be dedicated to them.

My first pair of heels actually came from asking my dad. I was nervous. I don't know why I was nervous. I guess it was one rite of passage that I was afraid of asking my parents for the key. So I turned to dad for help.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Could I have a pair of high heels?"

So off shopping we went. Mom, Dad and I went to a bunch of different stores. I guess you could call me picky but I had a particular look in my head. I knew that pointed toes would not work for me. I would look ridiculous. It had to be square toed or rounded. Also, the heel had to be chunky. I knew there would be no way I could balance myself on a tiny little heel. Finally I could not see spending triple digits for a pair of shoes. So finding my style in my price was a tad bit hairy. But finally I found them. There they stood on the clearance rack. Plain. Black. Shiny. Square. Awesome. My first pair of black pumps.

Years later, after I learned to walk somewhat normal, I found that heels could be pretty and actually fun. So I began finding other pretty heels to wear. I fell in love with Willy Wonka's shoes from Charlie and the Chocolate factory. I liked the way they looked: the chunky heel, the toe, the style was just funky enough for me. After a long search, I found them. They were on sale at Carson Pierre Scott. I bought them and they are still considered my Willy Wonkas.

It recently became more and more difficult to find shoes that fit my funky style. I would go to DSW just to browse. I then came across a brand that fits me to a T. Mudd shoes really does fit my funky attitude with its modern take on classic looks. Wing tip Mary Janes with a chunky heel? Yes! I love it.

For graduation, I for some reason had to get shoes to match the dresses I was wearing. I don't really understand that except for the fact that when I am wearing a spring time bright colored dress, my regular black heels won't do. Off to DSW with mom. Found shoes to match the dress (again, Mudd brand) and tada...my collection is complete.

Then my old black heels started to show years of wear and tear :( I still have them hoping to salvage what I can of them. But I did manage to somewhat replace them with another Mudd shoe that is just as professional. So. There we have it. No more shoes for me :)

Now, you'd think that after 11 years of heels, I'd be a professional at walking in them. Or at least somewhat decent. Nope. Although I haven't fallen, I have tripped, slipped, and twisted over a dozen times. Hilarious for some, embarrassing for me. It is sad when you have to give yourself a pep talk as you walk across a stage.

"Ok, Magpie, don't screw this one up. Walk tall, straight, and pretend like you don't have heels."

*first step is taken*

"Ok, new game plan. Realize that there are an extra 2 inches on your heel."

*second step*

"Good....good...now, try to not clack so much."

*third step*

"Um, don't look so goofy"

Lets just thank God that I get to wear gym shoes to work everyday :)

Magpie.

Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.

2009-12-15T18:20:00.002-06:00

So today I went swimming. Unlike most of my swim times, I decided to ponder on the water I was swimming in. I came to realize again that my favorite property is the property of water. Yep, good ole' H2O. Why other property of the world is as diverse and awesome?

Without water, you could die. It is essential to keeping the body functioning. Dehydration could send you to the hospital. Which, if unless it is a way to see me, I would rather you not go to the hospital. Being dehydrated is not fun. You feel all gross on the inside. Whenever I haven't gotten my daily dose of H2O orally, I can imagine my poor tiny cells all shirveled up and screaming for relief. Then I can imagine them sighing with joy as I splash some water down my throat.

My favorite part of water is the playfullness of it. I think this is why I like swimming so much. I am weightless in water. I love being able to split it with my hand just to see it join back together. It is so easy for me to imagine all the little water molecules laughing as my hand push them foward in a gentle curling wave.

Water is so graceful. It ripples and it drops in with such beauty. I think this is why I like to be outside in the rain. I love the feeling of the drops on my face as I look up at the grey sky. It is like a shower that washes both my skin and my soul. I love watching the rain fall onto the ground and puddle into nature mirrors that reflect the world around me.

It is so diverse. On hot days, there is nothing like sucking on an ice cube or putting said ice cubes in a tall glass of water. When I have a cold and my nose hurts like no other, warm steam from water soothes it. There is nothing like walking outside in the foggy mist. The clouds that descend from the sky are refreshing and add mystery to my day.

So water, here's to you. You are just awesome. I really do believe that you are my favorite element here on earth. I know that without you I would totally not survive. Thank you.

Magpie.

Don't Be Mad...Get Glad

2009-12-14T01:55:00.002-06:00

Are there just times that you want to punch a wall? How about poke someone in the eye?

Yeah, we all have our days. Even me. Don't worry. It means that you are human and that you are alive. However, it is important to channel all this negative energy so that it does not hurt you or someone else. Sure, you can do the normal, everyday diffusion like, journaling or shooting stuff off. But, you can also take a creative (and safer) approach to your daily debriefing.

Here are some examples from Magpie:

1) Boogey on down now:

Dance in your room when no one is watching. Sometimes this is enough to brighten a sour mood or just to take your mind off of whatever is causing you so much grief. Any music can do, pick your favorite dance tune and get jiggy wit it. I personally enjoy some dance/techno/house to dance to. Just whatever will take your mind off of things.

2) Listen to music in your car....loud.

It is preferable to go somewhere without a noise restriction. Recieving a ticket will not help your day. And you will have to debrief from your ticket reception. And you might want to shoot the cop. Both are destructive to the cause. If you turn up the bass and sit back the whole car vibrates and thus will vibrate your very soul. Then the vibrations take all that negative feelings of hate, depression, anger, frustration and shake them out into the atmosphere.

3) I scream. You scream. We all scream for Ice Cream.

Ok, don't eat out of frustration. Gaining 15 lbs of frozen dairy goodness is just going to add more weight to the problem (no pun intended if one can be taken). Instead, in that same location of the blessed car, go to a secluded location. Shut all your windows and doors. Then let a scream out. Swear if you want. Tell that person off in your car. Pretend they are in front of you. Now don't you feel better? Yep, I do.

4) Rippin' Rags

We all could use a little extra rags around the house. You know, to clean, and dust, and wipe things with. Take those old clothing that charity won't even take and rip them apart with your bare hands. No sissors allowed. Just rip.

5) Exercise

Nothing makes you hate life more than a good hard run. And at least you will hate life because you are running rather than because Joise two cubicles over read your personal emails and printed them for the office to see.

So I am sure that everyone will have their own personal ways to diffuse their inside soul. Mine might not work for everyone, but it sure works for me.

Magpie

Lessons and Carols

2009-12-07T19:59:00.010-06:00

So this past weekend was Lessons and Carols at my old university. Lessons and Carols consists of nine readings from Scripture about Christ's birth. They are readings from Old Testament and New Testament. After the reading, an appropriate carol is either sung by the choir or played by the band (me) or both. There ya have it, Lessons and Carols.

This got me to thinking, what are my nine personal Lessons and Carols?

Lesson One: Check bathroom signs before entering bathroom.

I don't know what my problem is. Maybe somewhere tucked away in my Id (HI SIGMUND!) I desire male hood. Maybe I just want to see the inside of the boys bathroom...multiple times. Hopefully (and I am betting on this one) I am just too preoccupied with what is going on around me that I just don't look at the signs.

The first time this occurred, I was on a date. I needed to use the restroom and didn't check the sign. Well of course, I come up to the urinals with puzzled bewilderment. Why are these tiny toilets doing in the women's bathroom? I tried to work through this issue, coming up with all sorts of reasons. Finally, I found one. OH! It is for the children when the mom brings them to use the bathroom. Half satisfied with this solution, I head for a stall. I didn't understand it but whatever. It wasn't until I was washing my hands that I realized where I was. The water still running, I look at myself in the mirror with horror in my eyes. It hits me, I am in the wrong bathroom. The door opens and I say the most sincere prayer, "PLEASE don't let this be a man." Sure enough it was and sure enough I was out of that restaurant before anyone knew what had happened.

It happened again after my NCLEX. I think I was just brainwashed at that point. And I didn't enter the full bathroom. Just the threshold. Then I turned around and scared the guy coming in. I had to ride the train home with this complete stranger who now knew me as, Wrong Bathroom Girl. He was cute too. Ultimate loss.

The last time it happened before I learned my lesson, I was in Ireland. The little stick figure had an ivy leave over the person so I thought it was a dress and I thought it was a girl. I did the same time, used the bathroom. It wasn't until I stepped out and faced a row of urinals that I realized what had happened. I shot out of there quicker than a jackrabbit out of a bush of cougars. There's a picture for ya.

Now let everyone stand and sing, "Man! I feel like a woman!"

Lesson Two: Fake Numbers are the way to go.

There was one time that I was out with some friends bar hopping. I was DD because I didn't want to drink. Surprising I know. I had drank way too much the previous night and really didn't want to do a repeat night. So there I would be, taking pints of H2O while my friends drank shots and pints of EtOH. I was approached by multiple people. The first one was someone straight out of Laverne and Shirley.

This is what he looked like:

He gave me some fake line about being a friend to the owner or how the owner owed his buddy money so he was here to help collect it. So how does this coincide with you trying to get my number? Fake line calls for fake number: My number is 630-678-9654.

Next bar some drunk dude starts talking to me.

"Oh hi, what's your name?"

"Magpie"

"Oh, what do you do?"

"I am a nurse."

"Oh, where do you work?"

"Edward"

"OH ME TOO!"

mmmmhhhhmmm, yep you do.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I sell the monitors that you guys use."

"Oh. Ok."

"Yeah, so I just broke up with my fiancee and moved here from New York..."

Oh man, here goes...

"...and I don't know too many people. I am looking for a wholesome girl and you look like a wholesome girl. I can see it in your eyes. Can I have your number?"

Cheesy lines deserve fake numbers: My number is 708-965-6598

Few bars later, my friends and I end up at our last bar.

"You should smile more often. You light up every time you smile. I like it when you smile."

Aw, that is sweet...you are way too old, like 50 year old too old. My number is 633-695-9875

Now let us all stand and sing: "The Call"

Lesson Three: Live in the moment and don't think too much.
Oh man, this is the hardest lesson for me to learn and it is on going. I totally over think EVERYTHING. Like, if I did something that offended someone. Or if I completed everything I was suppose to at work. Or if I really do this or that, I am going to repel people with the weirdness I exude.

STOP!

Stop thinking. If things are meant to go a certain way they are. Otherwise, it is out of your control. Why worry over something you cannot control? You'll kill yourself.

Live for the moment. Do those somersaults. Catch those snow flakes on your tongue. Dance when there is no music. Sing as loud as you can even if you are off key. Smile to those you don't even know. Laugh when there is nothing to laugh at. Go star tipping. If you don't know what that is then look it up. It is these little moments that we will treasure forever. It is these moments we will never forget. They are by far, my favorite moments. I replay them in my head almost constantly.

Now let us sing...er...rap Eminem's Live for the Moment.

Amen. Amen.

Magpie

Superpowers

2009-11-26T03:23:00.004-06:00

So I was thinking the other day, if I had a superpower, what would it be? Would I fly? Would I lift things with superhuman strength? Would I read minds? What superpower would truly be useful for me?

I came up with turning invisible. This would be the most useful thing for me because there are so many times where I wish I were invisible. Plus how cool would it be to be the "fly on the wall" for some moments?

One place that becoming invisible would be especially useful is at the mall. When I am shopping at the mall I really don't want people to talk to me. I mean I am all ok with people asking me if I am doing ok and if I need any help. That is just doing your job. What I don't like is badgering. My mall has these booths in the middle of place. People call out to you like men looking for women. Except instead of whistles and "Hey nice butt!" (Which by the way, readers, I do not get. I think the look I shoot discourages this.), they say, "Good _____ (whatever time of day it is), can I see your nails?"

Now, if any of you know me, you will know this: I HATE nails. There are few things in this world that make me gag. One of them is nail maintenance. Pedicures are murder for me. Manicures make me want to throw up. I do them anyway once in a while for special occasions or because my nail jobs look gross. Otherwise I cut them myself. I will paint them myself (even if it looks like a three year old did it.) I never was able to cut anyone's nails. It makes me gag. I can cut my own though so everyone breathe a sigh of relief.

Now, here is this guy straight out of France. His hair pulled back into a low ponytail. He was skinnier than me and about my height and just reeked of insincere kindness. Sometimes I want to tell these people to just treat me like a human, not the princess I am. He stands there feet together with this silver platter of a nail polishing buffer thing (I do have this at home. I like it) and lotion like he is going to serve me my next course in a fancy dinner.
"Ma'm do you have natural nails?"
"Uh, yes, I think so."
"Oh may I see them?"
"No"
"Please"
"No, you don't understand, you cannot see my nails."
"What is your name?" He asked as he girlishly extended his hand to shake mine.
"Magpie" I said standing five feet away slowly making my getaway.
"Come on shake my hand."
I reluctantly shook his hand. All the while I was planning to make a bolt for it if he thought it would be clever enough to pin my hand down, flip it over and look and touch my nails. Luckily, he didn't. He released my hand and I went back to my five foot away place and turned.

THAT is when I need to be invisible. When these pseudo street merchants badger my walking around the mall. How totally awesome would it be to become invisible as I walk by them and then become visible after them? Or what about when Phillipe over there wanted to shake my hand and I go to do it and just as I reach out to touch his hand I disappear. He'd totally flip. He'd second guess talking to anyone from that point on. Yes. Yes he would.

Another good place to be invisible is at conversations where you know you will be mentioned. Or any conversation where you just want to be a fly on the wall. You know the common stuff. This would be more useful if you were a kid and you wanted to know your birthday gift. Now I would just want to know what the nurses in the ER are saying about us or what the nurses at the nurse's station are talking about when I am not there. It would kinda be like having eyes in the back of your head in a way.

I would also try to sneak into conversations where my crush was at to see if he says anything about me. OR better yet, I could have my friend talking to my crush and I am invisible sitting there (or standing that way I can scare the man if he starts talking bad about me). That would make life so easy wouldn't it? Oh yeah it would. I wouldn't be so nervous then. I'd be either more confident or just bummed. Either way, it wouldn't be as awkward as me going up to the guy and telling him that I like him or think he is cute or think he is whatever I think he is. I'd just know.

Being invisible would help in sticky situations too. For example, I am getting chewed out by one of the nurses for some hypocritical reason or by a doctor for not being a good nurse. Usually, at these points in my job I just want to find a nice quiet secluded corner to curl up into a ball and cry just from being way too overwhelmed. However, if I disappeared, the person yelling at me would totally not know what to do in a situation where their scratching post disappears. I can see it now:

"You called me three times during the night about this woman's blood pressure but you haven't taken it for three hours?"
"Doctor, I've been taking it every two hours, I just..."
"That is bad nursing. I mean, you haven't checked it in three hours."
*CUE TO DISAPPEAR*
"I mean, that is just bad.....Hello? Hello?"

Or how about in front of my charge nurse when she finds that she can't reach me on my SpectraLink:
"You never have your phone on. You answer your phone. Change you battery."
"I don't like answering it when I am talking to my patient."
"You tell them 'Wait one moment please.' Then you pick up your phone and say, 'Hello, can I help you?' And then it will not go to my phone and my phone doesn't bother my @$$."
"I will not answer my phone when I am talking to a patient. That is rude."
"You will answer....WHERE DID THAT CHILE GO????"

Sweetness. Sweetness greater than that you, dear readers, have ever tasted.

How about embarrassing situations? Like the mulitple times I walked into wrong bathrooms. Or the times I bring a guy home and my brothers swarm him like a bees swarming a half eaten discarded piece of fruit? Or when I say something stupid, or incoherent at work?
"I would have flown across this desk and slapped you." Me to some phelb.
"You are too sweet to do that. You are a nurse."
"Just wait until I get you in one of those beds." <----stupid comment on my part meant to inflict fear of pain.
"Magpie, stop talking." <-----my friend and coworker.
*CUE TO DISAPPEAR AND CONTINUE TO DISAPPEAR EVERYTIME I SEE THAT PERSON*

Anyway, I think it would be pretty sweet to disappear. Lots of useful situations and moments to utilize this superhero power. Even if I do use it selfishly. However, I do not posses this power. For now, I will have to deal with my embarrassing comments, scoldings and learn my lesson to look at the floor and not make eye contact with market barkers. Either that or close my eyes. That seems to work just as well.
TTFN,
Magpe.

Being Thankful

2009-11-26T02:57:00.003-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving readers!

So it being thanksgiving and all I figured I'd let you all know what I am thankful for. Yeah, yeah I know, reeeeaaaallly original. Don't worry. There is never a dull moment with me. Everyone is thankful for the "normal" things in life like family, a job, money, a roof over you head. I am thankful for that too. However, I figured I should mention things that I am thankful for that really doesn't always get credit.

Ok, after this plug because I really have to say this:
1) I am extremely thankful for my family: You all are probably the most interesting people I will ever know-even when I've lived with you my whole life thus far. In times, where I just want to give up or in times where I am at my lowest (because you know we all get there at least once in your life) you have been there. I never stop laughing around you guys. Between Buckboard's witty comments, Willeo's quirky actions and Patrick's sweetness, I am never bored. Mom and Dad, you have always supported me in all my endeavors and dreams. You helped me reach my possible goals and helped redirect my impossible dreams. Without you guys, I really don't think that I would have been the success that I am today. Greg, I love you so much. I cannot wait until you are totally done with school and out of debt so that we can travel the world. With LisFlo of course. In all my moods and all my grumpy times, you guys are still ready to give me hugs. No matter how horrible I look in the morning (or pretty frequently the afternoon/evening), you boys are all ready to greet me with "Well here is sleeping beauty!" "Hey Starshine!" "Hey beautiful" "I Margie Pargs pudding and pie, kissed the boys and made them cry." I love you all so much. I truly believe that God put me with the best family in the world. I am pretty sure people are really tired of me talking about you guys all the time. Thank you for being my family.

Ok, onto the regularly scheduled thankfullness:

EDIT/Ok, I was reading over this one and had to delete the whole middle part. I just was sitting here thinking. None of these things compares to the things that I am truly deep down happy to have in my life. None of them could shine a light to it. So, sorry folks. You get a boring blog this time./END EDIT

This is actually harder than I thought. Everything I am, everything I have, everything that I am thankful stems from those basic things that I am thankful for: my family, my job, my co-workers, my home, my future, my friends. I really have a great life and I am truly thankful for that.

What are you thankful for?
Magpie

Cement Geese

2009-11-21T01:32:00.009-06:00

I am not a fan of Geese. They poop on all my walking spots. They hiss at you like they own the place. I mean, I am not one who owns much of anything. But I don't go around shoving people off sidewalks and streets because I don't want them there. Geese do that with their nodding heads and hissy throats. They scare me. No human would ever get away with the stuff Geese pull.

But then, why is it that humans, want to make cement geese and dress them up? I will tell you why. Because they are crazy.

My grandmother lives in a condo near by. It is full of elderly people. It is a condo for seniors basically. On my grandmother's floor, someone, probably an old lady, insists on putting their stupid cement goose in the entry way to the hall. Furthermore, she (or he) dresses the thing up for holidays and seasons.

Plain Cement Goose

For summer, the goose had swimsuit. Not just any swimsuit but a very sexy pink bikini with black pokadots. The top part of the swimsuit was ridiculous. The goose had some serious plastic surgery done. Well just let's say that we wanted to make the female goose a male by losening the strings holding up the top. Don't worry we never did. We didn't have to. The Fourth of July made the goose a man overnight.

Goose in similar bikini outfit.

Fourth of July, Unlce Same came to visit with whiskers and all.

Uncle Sam

The best had to be Halloween. Surely, they should ban this costume. No one in their right mind would set this on their front porch and NOT expect a burning cross to be placed beside it.

The real deal. Condo Goose decked out Klu Klux style.

In the spring you can expect a "cute" colored rain coat. What about Easter? Well Transgender Goose not only changes sexes BUT species as well.

IS THAT A RABBIT NOSE ON THE FRONT??? You have got to be kidding me.

This month, Pochantos has made her debut. Complete with cute fake braids.

Pochantas is Thankful

I wish I had the wardrobe this goose has. Do you know how much money these things cost? The goose is $55.00. Each outfit is about $30.00 on average according to one site I visited. So let's just say this woman/man (because the same site says that these geese are like Barbies for adults. So men can play with them too!) has an outfit for each month give or take a few. Let's say this woman/man has 16 outfits for this goose.

Goose: $55.00

Outfits: $30.00 x 16= $480

Total: $535

Then does this goose has it's own drawer or a closet for all his/her's outfits and accessories? *thinks* I wonder what the inside of this woman's condo looks like.

Well, in my opinion $535 is a lot of money for a good laugh. But, hey, if you get your kicks from dressing up a cement resemblance of a disliked feathered friend then go for it. Just don't scowl at me when I stand pointing at it and while laughing.

Ok I will give this Woman/Man credit. At least they have the slight decency to put a BEARS cheerleader outfit on it. GO BEARS!!!

Magpie

Oh what to do with the SpectraLink

2009-11-18T02:50:00.003-06:00

At work, we have a call system that attaches to the cell phone in our pockets (or often on our desk). So when the patient presses the button to call for assistance then our phone will beep. If the patient would rather call us, they can dial the four digit extension to our phone and we will pick up (most of the time). This glorious (not) tool is called the SpectraLink *spits to the side*.

The SpectraLink is loud, obnoxious, persistent, huge, cumbersome and the list goes on. There are days that the phone is relatively quiet. And then we have those days that the thing does not shut up. Those days I begin to plan evil things to do to said SpectraLink.

1) Toilet time!
Many of the patients use commodes. This is like a portable toilet. It has a toilet seat and then a bucket underneath which the nurse or aide empties. I have often had the desire to "accidentally" dump the thing into a full bucket or urine or stool. Who would want to touch it after that? Unfortunately, my manager would have me dig it out with a glove and wipe it clean. I am not looking to dig in someone else's excrement voluntarily so I will leave that out.

However, I am sure that it will fit down the toilet! I keep mine in my back pocket and it is sooooo easy to have it fall out and into the toilet! *OOPS*! *Flush* *Overflow*

Don't try it at home.

3) Chute! I dropped my phone :saint:
So on every floor is a trash and laundry chute. It is a long way to the bottom from the top floor of the hospital. It is so easy to accidentally bag the phone in a bag of dirty linen or bag of trash and drop the phone to its ultimate death. I often wanted to ride those chutes. I imagined it a couple of times. I'd climb in. Let go of the sides and fall all the way down like a tunneled water slide. Then I hit the bottom. Everything is cushy and soft. And smelly. And poopy. And then I come back to reality as my SpectraLink rings. Thank goodness I didn't follow through on my joy ride.

4) Out the fifth story window.
None of them opened. I tried when I wanted to throw an IV pump out there. Scratch that one.

5) Oh...would you look at that...my phone "died"
There is always the old ploy of having your phone "die". That lasts for maybe .25927 seconds until someone comes to find you and tells you, "Go change your bat-ter-ie, Chile (Child). You don't answer your phone. Den it bod-ders me."

In all cases, I would probably be assigned a new phone which trumps all previous attempts at getting rid of one. AND...I'd have to pay for the one I lost/destroyed/annihilated/dismantled.

Happy Silent Nights with no Phone ringing!
Magpie.

Over My Rainbow

2009-11-16T18:08:00.005-06:00

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star

and wake up where the clouds are far

Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops,

Away above the chimney tops.

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow,

Why then - oh, why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

Why, oh, why can't I?

There are times when life just gets way too frustrating. There is no where to escape in these moments in reality. As I lean my forehead up against the wall and close my eyes, I escape into my somewhere over the rainbow.

It is beautiful over that rainbow. There is rolling green hills with flowers. A gentle slight breeze blows over them making the silver stems glisten in the warm sun. Butterflies fly everywhere from flower to flower. There is a forest beyond the hills where cool moss grows by a bubbling creek. There are animals everywhere and they are not afraid of me. They come and go as if I am not even there. Sometimes it rains but it is gentle as it falls and it washes all my troubles and frustrations away.

I can do whatever I want there. I can run fast and far or I can roll down hills. I can just lay on the sweet warm grass and sleep in the sunlight. No one is going to tell me I should grow up or stop. No one is going to tell me that this is immature. I can cuddle and pet all the animals and they do not mind. I am at peace there.

There is no doctors telling me that I am a bad nurse. There is no one telling me that my dreams are unrealistic. No one criticizes me as me. There are no call lights going off and there is no IV pumps beeping OCCLUSION. Everything is working out. I don't have to cross hurdles or obstacles. I don't hurt. I will never hurt there. This place is perfect.

Everyone can have their escape location. Everyone has their somewhere over the rainbow. What is yours?

Magpie

Need New Skin

2009-09-08T23:51:00.000-05:00

Yes, it is time once again to shed the summer skin. For a 12 hour graveyard shifter....I never had a summer skin to start with. Well maybe it was a little golden.

My blog too needs an updo. That flower Japanese thing at the top was just not cutting it. Therefore, this site is under construction. Proceed at your own risk.

Magpie

weight loss for me

2009-08-29T18:35:00.004-05:00

Alrighty. I am going to lose ten lbs. Don't try to talk me out of it...it would be way too easy for you to do.

I am going to exercise 3-4 times a week. Lost ten lbs by winter. and drink 8-10 glasses of water a day.

And to make sure I do this I am in pact with Rach. So....i can't break it.

So far I exercised two days ago and today. Yesterday I don't think running across the airport to catch a flight counts. So. I failed at the water thing yesteday only a glass in a half. Today I have like 10 more glasses to drink. Ok 8 glasses. But I EXERCISED!

^_^

TTFN!

HAPPY NURSE'S WEEK

2009-05-06T02:26:00.002-05:00

So this week is Nurse's Week. As many of you probably don't know I am a nurse. Yep, Magpie RN at your service. Also this week marks my one year anniversary as a nurse. AND I AM LOVIN' IT! And you know you are too.

In celebration of Nurse's week, I came up with a list of reasons why you should know *cough*date*cough* a nurse.

We are always on top of things.
Yes, as nurses we need to be ahead of the game. Anticipate what will happen next. This goes from anticipating a patients' need to what the doctor might order. As a result, we are prepared for what just might happen next. Why is this good in a relationship? Well, just think. You are sitting on the couch and you are about an inch away from needing a new bottle of your favorite Guinness (because that is what you drink) and you are debating whether or not to get up from the couch to get another one. All of a sudden, a bottle comes flying across the room and lands right next to you on the couch. TA DA! Instant magic. Or...is it anticipation?

We prioritize everything.
Everything we do is based off what needs the most attention and what is the most important thing to do first. Should I let the patient finish what he/she is saying or do I take this doctor's call? Should I give pain medication first or should I give the antibiotic? Which patient should I see first? Do I save the person who is coding or do I drink my coffee to survive? Cream or sugar first? How does this apply to a relationship? Well, if you are important to the nurse in your life (or the nurse that should be in your life) then you will be on the top of her/his list. She/he will drop what they are doing to answer your call. You will be on their mind all the time (not in a creepy way but in an endearing way). Basically you will come first. Or the coffee will. Depends on who is better.

We handle sharp objects with skill.
Do you know how many needles we handle in a shift? A whole lot. We draw up medications, inject insulin, lovenox, heparin et. al. into patients. We wield our tools well. Needle sticks are very rare now if you practice good sharps skills. We start IV's with the greatest of ease, unless you are bad at them. How does this help in a relationship? I...don't...know...but I am sure it will come in handy.

We speak a whole other language.
Nothing says "I love you" like "Tomorrow you will be having a Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter which will overlie the Superior Vena Cava. As a result you will be able to receive Total Parenteral Nutrition without the risk of phlebitis. In the meantime, your Vancomyacin to treat the cellulitis in your left lower leg will be running through the 20 gauge intervenous catheter." Or we could just say, "I love you."

We are very observant.
We need to always keep a vigilant eye out on our patients and their condition. They could rapidly turn into a code blue if it were not for the watchful eyes of the nurse. How is this helpful in the relationship? We pick up on things. Subtle little insignificant things. You'll like that.

We are always clean.
We have to be. With MRSA and C.Diff. and VRE and ESBL...we need to be to protect our patients and ourselves and our loved ones. So why is this a good thing if you are dating a nurse? Well, you all heard the saying, cleanliness is next to godliness. Therefore, if nurses are clean then they are cleanliness which makes them goddess (and gods). There. WALA! You are dating a goddess/god.

Alright, so I could go on and on about why you get to know a nurse (or date on) but I will leave it go for now. Nurses are great people. We are smart, we think quickly, we are quite the sociable bunch, and we love to help people. So in honor of nurse's week you should all go out and kiss a nurse. Especially this one...*MUAH!*

Ok, well you can at least hug us. We don't bite.
HAPPY NURSE'S WEEK FELLOW RN'S AND RN'S TO BE!!

Magpie

Dating for Dummies

2009-03-04T12:54:00.004-06:00

er....men/boys.

1) Say what you mean.
You guys think you will hurt us if you do not tell us what you think we want to hear. Personally, I would rather you tell me that you never want to talk to me again and that you don't think that things will work out rather than never hear from you when I thought that everything was fine. That only leads to me thinking I did something wrong. It leads to wondering. Then you tell us that we over analyze. No, if you just said what you wanted to in the first place and didn't lead us on then we would be fine.

If you did not think the date went well and you did not have fun then say that you don't think it will work out. If you think the date went well and you want to date more and then say that. Do not say the latter for the former just to smooth things over. That just makes matters worse.

2) We hurt.
Get over it. We hurt. We will hurt if you say no. We will hurt if you say yes and then never call us. BUT! we will hurt LESS if you say no in the first place. We can then just move on to the next person. Stringing us along making us think that we did something wrong to cause you not to call back even though you said that you would makes it hurt WORSE. Just be honest with me. I won't cry in front of you. I won't beg you to stay. If one person is not happy in the relationship it just means that life will be hell. So why would I want that? BUT I would love to know the truth. It just makes things much easier than trying to think up the truth because you were fed lies.

3) Don't give us lines.
"You're awesome." "You're a keeper." "My buddies think you are a keeper." I don't care. Don't feed me the lines unless you really want to stay with me...unless you REALLY MEAN IT. And don't use the lines to get a date with me or a second date with me when it will not be any more than that.

Think of it this way, if a girl is fed lines like that on every date they went on and then nothing comes of it, how is that person suppose to know that that the next guy really means it? They don't. So now, the next guy comes along and he really truly means that I am awesome and a keeper and beautiful et. al. I can't believe him.

4) When to kiss.
Do not pity kiss me. Please. I'd rather kiss my rabbit. My rabbit at least will love me and like me the rest of my life. If I kiss you and you don't want me to, just stop me or do not kiss me back. Don't hug me. In fact just don't touch me. I'd be SO much better off knowing that you want nothing to do with me. Again, it is easier to get over.

5) Follow through.
Don't tell me you will do something and not do it. I would rather not hear that you are going to call me, stop by, text me, whatever than hear that you will and be disappointed later. If you say you will call, CALL. If you are busy CALL and say, "I can't talk for long. I just wanted to say hi." WOW. I will say it out loud and time it. "I can't talk for long. I just wanted to say hi." THAT took less than 5 seconds to say. The girl might say in response: "Ok, thanks for calling it made my day. I'll talk to you later. Bye!" That took another 5 seconds. Wait...you mean calling me when you are busy and using those lines will take 10 seconds out of your busy day? Wow. Just shows me that you don't have even 10 seconds to spend on me.

6) We have walls built.
Everyone has walls. They are built for reasons too. Mostly for protection. They are built strong and thick. It takes time to break them down. Do not expect the walls to come tumbling down after the first date, the second date, the first kiss et. al. If you are patient, you will slowly take each brick down until you have full range of the other person's heart. And when you do, be careful with it. You don't want another wall built in your name.

7) Trust is not an overnight thing.
Trust is built as a wall comes down. It takes time. You don't automatically trust every person who asks you out on a date. It just does not happen that way. We see how you act. We test you. When you complete what you say you will do and when you follow through on your lines, our trust builds. We do trust you. But it starts little and it grows. How fast and how big it grows is up to you.

Why am I writing this blog? Because I am sick and tired of men. You are all just not thinking. We feel. We do think about it. Maybe you all can forget about that date that you gave us a kiss but we don't. When you give us nothing to go off of, what do you expect us to do? Forget? No, we think, we wonder, we try to figure out what went wrong. What did we do? "Maybe I shouldn't have let him hold my hand." "Maybe I shouldn't have made that joke." "Maybe it was too soon to tell him my views on this that and the other thing." "Maybe I shouldn't have pulled that joke." "Did he think that I am after something?" "Does he think that I want him to spend tons of money on me?"

I am not high maintenance. I am me. I do not ask for much. I don't want money spent on me. I don't want fancy dinners. I don't want you to take me to far away destinations. I just want someone to be truthful, honest, sincere, and show that they care for me.

Meg

Attack of the......

2009-01-29T23:18:00.003-06:00

You know some people are too preoccupied with a zombie attack. There are books, videos, forum threads, great discussions on what to do during a zombie attack. There are even several movies out feeding into this perhaps irrational fear.
I remember watching "Dawn of the Dead" with my ex boyfriend (EBF). Afterwards we had an intelligent conversations.
"If we have a zombie attack, I decided that I'll go over to Gander Mountain."-EBF
"Oh?"-Me
"That way we will have enough ammo and guns to survive the attack. We'll go on the roof and bar the doors."-EBF
"Ok"-Me
"Yeah. I'll pick you up and me and J. (his friend) will protect you."-EBF
"Yeah, ok. I am going to sleep."-Me
"WHAT? Sleep?"-EBF
"Yes. Sleep."-Me
"Why? You'll get attacked!"-EBF
"Why run? Just get eaten, die and then you don't have to deal with it."-Me

Sounded fine to me.

Needless to say, he wasn't too excited with my plan. Neither was is friend whose plan was to head up into the far North of Canada or Alaska where zombies cannot survive. I don't mind cold and snow but there is no way I am going to voluntarily head North for a huge portion of my life. In snow. Sorry. I'll risk the viral laden bite.

My ultimate zombie plan? Stock up on bottles of wine and drink myself into total utter unconsciousness. Then every time I wake up I drink another bottle. Sounds like an excellent plan to me.

Honestly, people, what is the likelihood hat we will be attacked by zombies? There are so many other things that can attack s before zombies.

Black Friday Shoppers: These are not the normal shoppers They are professionals. They are the ones going into every store with 5 shopping bags slung over each shoulder. Not the small normal petite bags but the big 3x1x1 bags that they put maybe MAYBE a pair of jeans or a shirt in each huge bag. On their way in they hit everything and everyone in their mad dash for the clearance racks. EXTRA 75% off, baby!! They are the ones who will fight you to the death over that faux pair of alligator skin mid calf hell boots IN BLACK just because the store only has one size 6.5. I advise you to better protect yourself from these shoppers than zombies. My ultimate Black Friday Shoppers' plan? Sleep. There will be other sales another day.

Politicians: Fear them. They chase after you with a can that has a recycling symbol painted on it screaming "GLOBAL WARMING!" and "OVERPOPULATION!" They will suck your brains out with lies and empty promises. Liberal and Conservative alike, the minute they attack, they all look the same. They will have the same words spill forth from their lips and they will have the same thought on their mind: power. My ultimate Politician attack plan? Riot. Oh yeah...tear gas me baby! I'll be out there on the pickets and the sidelines protesting them. Woot.

Idiots: They are quite annoying. However, you mus be careful when judging idiocy. You do not want to write off the annoying intelligent people because you are being subjective When judging idiocy in the middle of an idiot attack, it is important to remain objective. Idiots are often distinguished from others as having an opinion concerning a topic that they really have no intellectual knowledge about. It is useless really to argue with them. Very rarely will they change their opinion. Instead you will become frustrated and in the end, become an idiot yourself. Aside from being obnoxiously annoying, an idiot attack is not harmful. I would not stand too close though. You might catch their stupid. My ultimate idiot attack plan? Remain above the masses with my beautiful intelligence well intact.

Men: You are especially susceptible if you look like the following: Beyonce, Shakira, Jenifer Love Hewitt, Angelina Jolie or if you are just pretty in general. They will swarm around and attack with lame pick up lines such as: "hi my name is Rick and on the Rick-ter scale you're a 10." or "Are you tired? Because you have been running through my head all day." or...and this tops all: "I am looking for a nice wholesome girl. You like you are wholesome. I can see it in your eyes." Uhhhhhh.....yeah. Some ways to avoid such attacks are: do not shower; look down at the ground at all times (oh hey! a quarter!); do not acknowledge; bite; punch; dress like a nun; and wear a ring on the fourth finger of your left hand. My ultimate Man attack plan?

Ok I actually do not have one. Man attacks actually aides me by providing an array of men to choose from. Like shopping. Black Friday shopping.

So there are certainly more attacks to plan for before you put together our ultimate zombie plan. These attacks are more likely to be realistic than zombies running rampant eating fresh human flesh. Yum. And, if zombies do attack, know that you can always join me in my alcohol induced sleeping. Just bring your own wine.

Over and out,
Meg

In 2009...

2009-01-01T01:38:00.004-06:00

I resolve to:

1) Fold my clothes:
Yes, I am just that lazy...er...patient. I wash my clothes. I dry my clothes. But the folding part...well that can wait. I lay my clothes over the rocking chair in my room and walla...perfect until I have to wear them. Then out with the iron to get rid of wrinkles. I hate wrinkles. HATE.

It isn't that I don't like folding. The whole process just takes time. I do not like to take that time to do it. I would rather move onto the more important thing of life like working, taking photos...or blogging.

Ironing, however, is a dangerous task for the Magpie. Yes, if I must Iron I do so. However, I have a problem with Irons and clothing. I tend to burn my clothes. :( It is really not my fault. I start at a low setting. However, someone before me manages to screw up the iron by making it dirty with whatever it is dirty with. So my clothes get this nice brown stain on them. I also have a tendency to use too high a setting for my clothes. There was one time that I was getting ready for a band concert. It was really a special concert considering we were going to a university to play before judges and then have a clinic with the university director. Me being me, I wanted to look my best. So I pulled out my skirt which really didn't need ironing and thought it would be best to iron it. Well, it was a cheaply made skirt that needed a low temperature setting. About an hour before I had to be at the high school with my brother to catch the bus, I put the iron to the black skirt.

SKIIIISSSSSSSS....

Shoot.
Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot.

I tentatively lifted the iron off my only band skirt. Against the stark black was a nice white hole where the ironing board cover peeked through. I stared at it in ghastly wonder. What. The. Heck. Was. I. Going. To. Do. Maybe..just maybe that 3 inch in diameter circle would hide when I put it on. Unfortunately, it did not. In a panic I flew down the stairs. I met my brother at the bottom and he looked at my face a knew something was wrong.

"What happened?"
"Um....I just burned a hole in my skirt."
"WHAT??? How bad is it? Can you hide it?"
I showed him.
"Oh my gosh...what are you going to do?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"You gotta go tell mom."
"Oh man."

Mom sent me right away with dad to get a skirt which we were able to find and still make the bus. Thank goodness.

To avoid any further burning problems, I think it will be wise to fold my clothes. Oh and hang them up. I will probably end up having to iron anyway but hopefully not as much.

Chances that I follow this resolution?
4 in 10 chance.

2) A picture a day
Keeps critics at bay. I guess. Not that I have any critics. Only me. I am my biggest critic. My goal is to become better at my favorite hobby: photography. So I decided to do Mission: 365. It will be a photography project. I need to take one creative picture a day and post it on my flickr account. By the end of the year I will have 365.

Chances that I follow this resolution?
9/10

3) Keep the weight that I lost off
So as I chow down on chips and creamy dip, I write this resolution. At least the chips are mulitgrained. Multigrained? Multigrain? Grain of mulitple proportions? I can no longer make a resolution to lose weight. I have very little weight left to lose. So here I am. I need to KEEP it OFF. Exercise. Eat right. Woot!

Chances that I follow this resolution?

10/10

I never NEVER ever want to be as big as I was. That is for sure.

So in this New Year what do you resolve to do?

Happy New year to all my readers. Hope that you and your family have the best of luck and all that jazz.

Magpie.

Matchmaker Matchmaker find me a catch

2008-12-29T02:10:00.000-06:00

or.....do it yourself ;)

1) Smile.
Even the ugliest girl in the world lights up when she smiles. Genuine smiles bring twinkles to eyes. And if you walk around randomly smiling imagine the looks you will get! Don't worry, they REALLY aren't thinking, "Wow...she's nuts." "What the heck is she smiling about." They are thinking, "Wow...she's got a great smile." And when the look around they are not trying to find what you are smiling at. They are trying to make sure no one else sees you so that you will be ALL theirs. :D Oh and they are definitely not looking at the strawberry seed stuck in between your two front teeth. Just think of that seed as smile enhancement. Smile on girlfriend!

2) Hair Toss
There is nothing better than a good hair toss. All you have to do is grab a tuft of hair...and then throw it out of your face. Let those locks flow loosely. It will drive a man nuts. Make sure you are grabbing your hair and not his. Oh and if you are grabbing his hair, you are either way too close for a hair toss or you are dating a guy with long hair. If that floats your boat go for it. I am not one for long hair though.

Speaking of long hair, the hair toss is especially effective if you have longer hair. However, do not toss your hair if the guy is two feet behind you and you have three feet of hair. That would make him hate you. No man wants a mouth full of hair. Neither would I. He might take it as a sign that you are telling him he needs more protein. No man wants to know his flaws right off the bat.

If you use Herbal Essence it makes the hair toss more fun. The smell radiates off it and permeates the whole room. I wonder if you drink Herbal Essence it will have the same effect...

3) Talk to him
It's ok. He won't bite. I promise. He looks scary. He looks like he will break you in half....with his eyes....but he can't. That would be unlawful. He'd go to jail. And if he is a good guy, he will be all for staying out of jail. Don't shake. If you start to shake your whole body will shake and then your voice will shake and then it will break and he will think you are singing to him. Just make little bits of eye contact and talk. Focus on him. Join in. Don't stutter. No one will understand a word you said.

Keep your knees loose...you don't want to faint. Do some random knee bends before talking to him. That is good. Pick up an invisible pen off the floor. Then go up and talk to him.

If you say something stupid...laugh...chances are he is not walking away thinking, "Wow...that was the worst conversation in the world." It is more like, "She can laugh at herself. That is self confidence."

Remember....breath...air is a good thing. Oxygen is your friend. Wait...slow down your breathing. Don't hyperventilate. You'll faint. Then they will take you to the ER and you will wake up fine. And then you REALLY feel like an idiot.

4) BEEEEEEEEEEEEE yourself.
Honestly, ladies, do you really want to act like someone else for someone you like? Sure he might like you back but he really not like you. He will like the fake you. Then you have to act the whole time you are with him. It is way too much work. Hey if you are up for the challenge I guess you can go for it. I am lazy. I want the guy to like me for me. He doesn't have to like EVERYTHING about me. I am annoying. Everyone is to some extent. You get over it though.

Plus, do you really want to end up in a psych ward for something that you really don't have? If you end up suddenly changing from fake girl to real girl then you might be put there for sudden altered mental status, drug detox or sudden personality change.

5) Blushing is ok.
Girl, that is a natural response. Don't comment on it. It will make you redder. Oh and if someone else mentions it don't dwell on it. Oh and don't lie...it is blushing...you did not get wind burn when the wind is blowing at negative 12 MPH outside. Just blush and be down with it. Try not to think about it. It will make you embarrassed and then you won't focus on the task at hand....interaction. DO NOT and I mean DO NOT tell him you are blushing. That is awkward. Furthermore, do not excuse yourself from interaction. Blushing is not an excuse. Your face starting on fire is an excuse. Blushing is not. Play it cool. Continue interaction. Then when the interaction is over, go hide.

6) Have fun
It is not everyday that you get to have your heart flutter and your knees quake. Butterflies in your stomach is an awesome feeling. Let it happen. Enjoy it. It is awesome. Even if it doesn't work out in the end, it was fun right?

Ok, so if it doesn't work out you are crushed and yeah it hurts. But it is ok. That is why it is called a crush right? There are like...a bazillion guys out there. Someone is bound to turn up and your crushing will start all over again.

So here's meeting people and trying out the techniques. Don't worry, I have tested them and they all work without fail.

Ok, actually I lied. I have not tested them. But nothing is saying that you can't! GO FOR IT! WOOO!! In any situation, happy dating. Go get 'em tiger...and all that jazz.
Till next time,
Magpie

Now class...what did you learn today?

2008-12-07T22:59:00.006-06:00

Well this week was lesson week for Magpie.

1) Your car is not a safety zone.
You are not invisible in your car. I can see you pick your nose. That is just disgusting. Don't do that. Singing and dancing will provide entertainment not only for you but to other drivers around you. When you act like a rockstar in the car, everyone sees you. They do not think you are a rockstar. They think that you are crazy. But that is ok, we all know that you are not crazy. Well maybe a little. At least you are not THAT crazy. If you dance just be aware that you will get some interesing stares from your neighboring drivers. However, don't let that bother you. Dance on, Queen, dance on. They will never forget you even if you don't know them. Nice, huh? Maybe in a way you are a rockstar.

2) Water is an important entity to life.
Skimping on your water for a week is not a good idea. You will be all shirveled and gross feeling. You lips will be ready to fall off. Trying to catch up by bolus dosing yourself with 2-3 liters a day is also not good. You will be spending most of your time trying to find the nearest bathroom because you kidneys are really going to kick in. You will float away. Yeah, hypothetically not literally but you get the picture.
Water is also very important for bathing. Perfume and body spray can only cover up so many days worth of filth before you actually need to shower. Soap is useless without water. I suggest lathering up with plenty of water. Mind you I didn't put this to the test but I could mention a list of people who really need to recognize this fact.

3) Remember your parking spot.

Ok this wasn't from this past week but it is still an important lesson yet for me to learn. It is important to look competent when at your workplace. Especially if the workplace involves the lives of human beings. Losing your car in a 4 level small parking garage is not very encouraging to the people around you. Furthermore, when you still cannot find you car after covering the levels of the parking garage you really should sit down and think. When you finally find your car, it is important to note where the exit is. It really looks stupid if you go in a circle on yellow level three times because you cannot find the exit on blue level. Also, how you end up exiting on green level one floor beneath blue level is beyond me but good job. If anyone catches you, it is good to laugh it off. It will just put them at a little more ease when they see you walk into their room with an angiocath to start their IV.

4) Frozen Water is not an important entity to life.
In fact, it can be downright detrimental. The fact that you slipped once on a thin sheet of invisible ice just might be a hint or warning sign that you should slow down. I am sure that you do not want to land on your butt...twice. Instead, take it slow. People are watching you even when you don't realize it. It is better to be slow and sure rather than make a complete fool out of yourself and slip...twice.

5) Chocolate is really not that great.

Ok, this is not true. There is no way that this can be true. No way. Chocolate is totally awesome! It makes your brain think, it is rich in antioxidants. Chocolate is really great.

6) Chocolate is really great.

Oh....yeah.....:cool:

7) Parting on the right rather than the left produces better results.

One side of my head looks better than the other. It is just the way that I have to use my hands to style my hair. The right side is more awkward to manipulate. So the less hair to work with on that side is easier to deal with rather than have a whole bunch of hair. The left side is easier so if I do everything for that side then everything will be a-ok.

NEW TOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-06T00:57:00.003-06:00

Yeppers Yeppers!!!!

Magpie's got some new toys :D :D :D

Two new lenses, an IR filter and a new camera bag :D

Woot
Magpie

Help me! I can't find my car!

2008-11-25T02:12:00.009-06:00

I have always had hand me down cars. Not that anything was bad with that. I quite enjoyed it. Actually each car I have holds a special place in my heart. ^.^ I know...I am weird. However, they do. They each had something special about them. And I have so many memories of them.
My first car was a Tempo. It was tan and it was from my Great Uncle. It was my very first car. It was so old school. It had the seat belts that would slide across you at the top and then you had to buckle the bottom. The rear view mirror had come off and the air conditioning went out. It was older so things happen. I took my driver's test in that car. My driver's test...was not so great. Don't get me wrong. My driving is fine. The day of, my dad put the rear view mirror back on.
"Now, sit down so that you can adjust it."-Dad
"ok" *Adjusts mirror*
"Ok, now don't touch it again when you get in the car because it might fall off again."-Dad
"Ok."

Oh so ghetto.... :)
I got to the driver's facility thingy and I waited in line. There were several people doing the driver's exam at that time. Of course, I get the crabby one. We get into the car and I start it.
"Ok, I am in. Let's get the air conditioning going in here or something." She rudely demands.
"I am sorry, there is no air conditioning."
"Yeah there is, right there."
"It does not work."
"Are you kidding? *irritated sigh* Fine let's just get this over with."
Luckily little words were said and I passed my driver's exam. YAY! MAGPIE CAN DRIVE!
Unfortunately for the car, the speedometer broke a couple of months later. Then the engine went. :( We got rid of my precious first car. My only living object left is a leather key chain that was on the key ring to the car.
My second car was a hand me down from my grandpa. It was a Buick Roadmaster. Yes, it was a huge station wagon, maroon with wood paneling. My grandpa could not drive anymore. I had the privelege of driving his car. My grandpa was really into cars. He had two model A's. He really loved this station wagon too. It was his pet. When he learned that I would be getting his car, he pulled me over to the window and said, "Magpie, that car is a great car. Even when everything else in this world let's you down, that car will not. That car is you best friend." Well, the Roadmaster became oadmaster on one side and Roadmaste on the other. The speedometer gave out. The gas gauge went, the rubber siding came off, the pastic door part flew off, and then the transitor went out. Finally, after the front emblem was pulled off, it died. It drove like a tank, looked like a boat but was my companion for so long.

deceit

I even had my first ticket in that car. The speedometer broke and I couldn't tell my speed. I was in the dark, no one was around me so I couldn't gauge my speed. A cop pulled me over. :( It was not a happy day for me.

*sirens*
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No officer. I have no speedometer. It is broken."

*insert tears here*
"Uh...you should really get that fixed."
"Yes, my dad and I are going to work on it."

"Yeah....here is your ticket."

So after a great deal of embarrassment, I managed to pay the ticket, take the class and now I have a clean record. By the way, crying does not help.

That car was really an awesome car. Honestly, how many people in the world own a maroon Roadmaster with wood paneling? No one.

Yep that car was awesome. My grandpa was really into cars. He had two model A's. He really loved this Station wagon too. When he learned that I would be getting his car, he pulled me over to the window and said, "Magpie, that car is a great car. Even when everything else in this world let's you down, that car will not. That car is you best friend."

Well, the rubber siding came off, and the door part came off, and the speedometer broke, the gas gauge broke, and then transmission gave out...oh that is a funny story.

Well, almost no one. There was this time when I went to school and parked in the same parking lot I had for the past few years. I go to class, come back to leave for home and try to open the car door. Now I never locked my car doors. That was jut how I rolled. In fact, I would love to see someone try to steal anything out of that car or steal the car itself. Honestly, there was nothing in there. Anyway, the car was locked. What the heck? So I pull out my keys and go to unlock the car door. It was not opening. So here I am with my arms full of books trying to open my car and the car was not opening. As I am struggling with the task at hand I look up and see another station wagon like mine: maroon, wood paneling, everything. I look at the car before me. It too was maroon, had wood paneling....only it was clean inside. And it had the full Roadmaster on the side rather than oadmaster like mine. Oh and it had the front emblem on it too...mind didn't. Slowly I withdrew my key from the door and backed up away from the vehicle. I think briskly walked over to my station wagon and jumped in. How embarrassing...

That was really the only time I "lost" a car until recently. I now own a Scion TC in sizzling crimson...:cool: Very awesome...very sleek....very.....Magpie. Well the other day was a late night at work. It was not the best of days and I was ready and dying to get home. So I usually park on the blue level of the parking garage. I walk there dead tired and look around. My TC is nowhere to be seen. "Oh, I parked on yellow today." I thought to myself and I went back to the stairwell and walked up to yellow level. I came out and walked around the whole yellow level. Still no TC. So I go back to the stairwell and go up to red level which is the roof. I stopped. No, I know I didn't park on the roof. I would have know if I parked on the roof. So down to yellow level I go. I was so confused. How do I lose a vehicle that cost me an arm and a leg and is bigger than any other object I own?

Once on yellow level I walk out and begin to walk the whole garage. I meet one of the residents who is just getting off her shift.

"Hi." I said to the resident.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"Ok, I am looking for my car....again."

"Oh....maybe you should call security."

"Oh no no no....I don't want to do that. It is here somewhere. I will find it."

"Um...ok...." the resident laughed. She is cool.

So off to her car she goes and embarrassed Magpie roams the empty cold dark parking garage in search for her car. Well not dark. It is will lit. Anyway, I finally found my car. It was on the up ramp going to the yellow level.

I am relieved that I found my car. I get in turn it on and start to drive toward the exit. Yet the exit is not there. So around I go. I thought I went up. Instead I went in one big circle. Again, no exist.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I yelled in my car as I stood at a stop in the garage. I regained my composure and pressed the gas pedal once again. I made carefully sure that I was truly going the right way this time. Down the ramp I went and made my way out of the garage....it was the wrong exist but at least I got out...alive.

Magpie

No White Wedding for a Magpie

2008-11-03T12:00:00.000-06:00

"What did you dress like before you were married?"
"...I'm.....not married."
"Oh....I thought you were married and had kids."
"Nope. Not married. No kids."
"Oh because sometimes you have food on your shirt and I thought it was from the kids."

So if there is anything like oil and water it is Magpie and white. Funny considering the profession I chose: nursing. I seem to always mess up my white clothing.

For the past two times that I wore white pants to work, it rained. Yes, full out downpour. Both days I attempted to bring my car in as well to have a look over and check up. You know that cars need doctor appointments too. So the first time I was too late. If I had gone through with my car's check up, I would have been late for work. So I drove off and went to grab something to eat before work. I went to Potbelly's and then drove by a Starbucks.

Now, if you read the previous thread concerning coffee you will know my addiction to the black drink which one can consider a very sad one at that. Anyways, I digress, I was walking normally, not noticing the fact that there was a nice puddle in front of me. I had one goal in mind. Grab my fix for the day and head to work. My mind was focused on the task at hand. I tend to walk fast no matter where I am. Thus my steps are usually broad and my feet tend to plop at times onto the ground. One step, two step, three step...SPLASH! My pants became soaked from my foot to my knee. I stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Rain was pouring down on my head because I am just that anti-umbrella. So basically as I stood there I was becoming more and more wet. Aw, Man! What was I going to do. There was no time for me to go back home to change my pants so I was going to have to stick it out. No worries, I still get my fix!!! I ordered my coffee and went to work. I did have a huge splash mark on my pants though. It did dry....eventually.

The next week, I again attempted to bring my car to get it looked at. This time I got out early enough in order to have it looked at. On the way to work, I had a few minutes so I stopped at DSW. Again, parking lot. Again, rain. Again, puddles. THIS time....I was more careful at what I was doing. Unfortunately, the bottom of my pants and the fronts were spotted with rain marks. Nice. At least my car is healthy and I have a new pair of nice Mudd heel Mary Janes. Nice. :)

Yesterday....not a good day for the Mags. I decided that I was going to make a pretty day out of it. I put my white scrub top on and my pink pants to match. I walked out the door. I got into my car. Everything was great until I went to get my fix. This time I went to Dunkin' Donuts. Coconut coffee with cream and sugar. MMMMmmmmmm oh oh oh sooo sooo soooo good!!! I drank it the whole way. I enjoyed the creamy sensation as it slide across my tongue and down my throat. I took the cup from my relaxed face to notice that there were drips on the edge of the cup. I didn't think of it. I took another gulp and again, drips. What was this about. Then my mad critical thinking skills came into play. I just dumped coffee on myself. Twice. I look down and on my white top are three large and totally out there spots of brown. So Magpie took an unannounced unplanned trip to the Walgreens store to pick up Tide Marker Spot cleaner and also Shout Wipes. Knowing myself for the past 24 years made me think that two products might just be better than one. Luckily the Tide Marker to Go helped a great deal and my scrub top was white. Well, it was almost white. It has some pen marks on it from the pen being my pocket. I guess I should bleach it. It might help a bit. Oh and it seems to be a little less white since I've been wearing it. Maybe bleach is in the order next time I wash it.

So I am seeing a pattern. Can you? White and I just don't get along. It is nothing against white. I love the fact that it looks clean and pure. However, after I wear it, I ruin the pureness and whiteness and beauty. So I decided that white and I will never be. It is something that I have come to terms with. I began to mourn the fact that I and white will never be the team that I wish to be.

This is will make my wedding day quite difficult. During my short period of mourning, I realized that my wedding day will be quite difficult.

I get all dressed up in my white. The dress probably looks great.....or ridiculous. I haven't really put that much thought into it. Anyway, it is white. So I have this white dress and I am wearing it. I decide before the ceremony that I am hungry. Being my wedding day and it has to be the best day ever, I want a hot dog with mustard and relish. My mom will speak words of wisdom to me which of course, me being stubborn I do not listen. So to compromise, my mom attempts to speak wise words to me again: "Wear at least a napkin or an apron." I comply resorting to only a thin flimsy napkin. Of course my wedding gown is to the floor. I think. Well, anyway, the mustard spill onto the hem of the skirt. Which of course is decorated because it has to be. I think. In mad rush everyone attempts to use everything under the sun to clean up the bright yellow spot on the bottom of the dress.

"HURRY GET THE EMERGENCY PACK OF SHOUT WIPES!!"

"NO NO NO!!! THOSE WILL JUST SMEAR THE MUSTARD!!!"

"USE THE TIDE MARKER!!!! IT WORKED ON THE ARMY MAN'S SHIRT IN THE COMMERCIAL!!!!!"

"HYDROGEN PEROXIDE!!!!"

*silence*
*crickets*

"We don't have hydrogen peroxide....."

"oh...."

Ok, so the mustard gets a good Polish lick to the napkin and futile wipe attempt.

The organ music starts and everyone rushes to the back of the church. For some reason my shoe insists on sticking to the bottom back of the dress. I have no idea why. Soon the whole train is wrapped around my right leg and I go down. Veil flying, flowers crushed, I land smack down on my face. Dad, laughing, helps me up. We both notice that my shoe had a wad of gum on it that is now firmly attached to the train. Unknowingly to the tragedy that occurred, everyone lines up and one by one they make their way down the center aisle to the front.

I stand up next to Dad, crushed flowers in tow, and begin my own journey. My white dress is now slightly dirty from the fall, the flowers are bent up, a yellow mustard stain on the hem and now the middle carpet thing that was rolled out is stuck to the gum. It is pulled behind me as I travel to the front of the church. Everyone looks in horror at the trailing carpet. I don't even recognize it. I am just all smiles because I am so excited. So I make it to the front and the ceremony goes as planned. Well, except the face of my fiance. I didn't really expect to see that sort of look on his face. I can understand a look of fear, a look of joy, but honestly, the look of repulsion is too much to take.

However, the pre-wedding events are nothing compared to the reception. The reception does not go well. Food is a huge hit with Magpie. Of course, it must be a Polish/Irish wedding so we will have Guinness and spaghetti. And Perogis. Can't forget that. So I am sitting and eating. Again, mom, who is the intelligent one of the family, strongly suggests that I wear an apron. I decline saying that I don't want to embarrass myself in front of the family. I begin to swirl the creamy goodness on my fork only to realize that in the process, the sauce has splashed all over the bodice of my dress. No worries, maybe someone will think that I spray painted the front of my dress with red splatters. Makes perfect sense to me.

"Magpie," my new spouse says to me, "What did you do to the front of your dress?"
My brother just sits there and shakes his head.
"I think it is spaghetti..." I respond

So white is just not my friend. Although I do wear some white tops. I actually have three. I feel sorry for those tops. As far as my wedding maybe I should reconsider the whole white wedding dress. Not that I considered it in the first place. But seeing my current relationship with white clothing, maybe I should get something like, red, or blue, or black or purple. Purple is good. Purple it is. Purple wedding dress for Magpie.

Magpie.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad

2008-10-28T21:46:00.000-05:00

This post is really dedicated to mom and dad. However, I want to share this with everyone because it is really important to me and I think that it is an important witness for the world.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Twenty-five years. Wow. That is a long time. I am really happy that you are still here together to celebrate this day. To me, it is really really awesome.

There are times where I wonder how you faced the challenges that smacked you guys in the face. It amazes me. I am sure it was overwhelming and hard but you guys went through them like a hot knife through butter. Yeah that was a really bad analogy. There are so many people who think that the grass is greener on the other side. You guys realize that the grass on this side is too beautiful to give up.

Your marriage has so many qualities: perseverance, strength, courage, loyalty, devotion and last but of course not least love. Each of us, your children, have learned these qualities from your marriage. My favorite, however, is the love that you two shared. I think that all the other qualities flowed from your love. This is I believe the greatest quality of your marriage.

Love is the basis for all that you do. You two love each other. All that I am, literally and implicitly comes from this love. Your love is not the flaky love that the world protrays and. You love is the true love. Love involves sacrifice. Love involves going beyond yourself to see the other person, to seek out the other person, before yourself. I see this continual interaction between the two of you. You seek each other in situations. You consult with each other on everything. You two submit yourself to each other to lift the other up.

This love has shown me that I too must go out of myself to see the people around me. In my personal and professional life, this is extremely important. I am totally, completely indebted to you, mom and dad, for giving me such an excellent example of what love really is. Thank you.

Magpie

Describe me in a song.....

2008-10-23T12:04:00.005-05:00

I was thinking the other day as to what song sums up my whole being. I have so many extremes and dynamics that one song sometimes cannot cut it. However, I was looking through my iTunes, hoping to find a song that would not describe just one aspect of my personality but all the aspects.

Although I am very goofy and act immature, I also have an intelligent side. I love to learn and have a sponge as a brain. I can be mature when I need to and have appropriate conversations often peppered with bits of humor. I try to be childlike when possible. I find that children are very open minded. It is when we become adults that our minds become made up and we are less acceptable of others. Notice sometimes how younger children are so welcoming of people. Sometimes this is not always good but they tend not to be as narrow minded as their adult counterparts.

So hmmmmmm, let's go through my play list shall we to songs that describe me.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow-The Wizard of Oz-Judy Garland: I am a dreamer. Dreams produce goals. Goals motivate me to work. Thus, I make my dreams happen. It isn't easy, sometimes I wish that I were over the rainbow where I don't have to work so hard or struggle over the hurdles and obstacles people and life put up to prevent me from achieving my dreamy goals. They are oh so dreamy.

Prologue from Beauty and the Beast-Disney: This is where Belle sings her intro as she walks through the village? Remember? Ok so basically she is singing out boring life is in her little village and how she finds her excitement in books and her imagination. Often I can escape things for a little bit by just going inside my imagination. At least for a little bit. And I totally want to get out of my city right now. I grew up most of my life here and I am ready to see what else is out there for me.

Carry On Wayward Son-Kansas: How many times do you get discouraged at things? How many times do you feel tossed about like a ship on the ocean? Yeah, I stole those words from the song. There are so many times where I just want to throw my hands up and say, "Heck with it all!!" Yet the voices inside my head-because I am just that crazy-push me on. When all is said and done, when I accomplish what I set out to accomplish, there will be peace and a sense of achievement. Yes! I win!

Man! I Feel Like a Woman-Shania Twain: I love it. I am a woman. I love having fun. I love being crazy. It keeps me sane in life. Woot!

Ruby Tuesday-Rolling Stones: I don't know why this song describes me. I think that I have some mystery about me. I still have yet to figure it out. I think I cause it for myself. I like to hide things all over my brain in little spots. Similar to how I hide things so I remember where I put it yet never remember where I put it. So it is not to be mean, well maybe yes, because I am mean. No, really though, I don't have anything to hide. If someone asks me a question I answer it as honestly and bluntly as I can. It is harder to pin something on someone who is 1) not hiding anything purposefully and 2) you know nothing about. Mystery and honesty....ok yeah that had nothing to do with the song. But I still think the song describes me.

Jeździec-Illuminandi: "Uciekałem przed Tobą w popłochu, Chciałem zmylić, oszukać Ciebie –Lecz co dnia kolana uparte Zostawiały ślady na niebie." Tak, ja jestem uparte, bardzo uparte. Istnienie uparte pomoce ja. To może przeszkadzać mnie też. Jeszcze, obmyślam to pomaga więcej niż przeszkadzać.

Ok back to English....that was hard....the Polish. Someday I'll do that without help of a translating program. There are only a couple of words I know and I can tell what they are in Polish but it is hard to translate and such. Someday.

What I've Done-Linkin Park: I have done things in my life which have been regrettable. I hope that other people will forgive and forget them. I hope that they can see that I strive to do things to make up for those times. I know that I will never fully heal wounds that I caused or fix the problems I created. Yet I pray to God that those that I hurt can come to forgive me.

Half Acre-Hem: In all humility, I have so much potential. I try to exercise this potential in every situation. Expand my horizons, grow personally and professionally and mature. Maybe potential is not the word I want to use. I don't think I will ever lose my goofy side. It is too precious to me. However, I think that I have so much more room to grow. I have to let go of the sadness that I had 20 years ago, 4 years ago, 2 years ago and even yesterday. Today is a new day. It is a new slate to write on. If I keep those sadness, anger, what have you with me everyday then there is no way that I can expect myself to reach my full potential.

Snow-Red Hot Chili Peppers: They have many songs that I like, I think that this one describes me best from them. "Come to believe that I better not leave Before I get my chance to ride When it's killing me, what do I really need All that I need to look inside" Live for the moment. You might just lose something that you will regret later. I try to do this. If I want to do something, I tend to do it. Of course I sort out logistics and figure the pros and cons but if the road is clear, I go for it. I might look back 20 years later and say, "Geez, I really wish I did that while I had the opportunity." "When to descend to amend for a friend All the channels that have broken down Now you bring it up, I'm gonna ring it up Just to hear you sing it out" I try to make others as happy as possible. When others are happy, I am happy. My day is not complete unless I am able to make someone laugh or at least smile.

Ok, before I bore you out now, here is the song that sums me up all together pretty well....ready??????? GO!

She's Always a Woman

Billy Joel

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes

She can ruin your faith with her casual lies

And she only reveals what she wants you to see

She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you

She can ask for the truth, but she'll never believe you

And she'll take what you give her as long it's free

Yeah, She steals like a thief, but she's always a woman to me

Ohhh... she takes care of herself

She can wait if she wants, she's ahead of her time

Ohhh... and she never gives out

And she never gives in, she just changes her mind

And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden

Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding

But she’ll bring out the best and the worst you can be

Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me

She's frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel

She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool

And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree

And the most she will do is throw shadows at you,

But she's always a woman to me

Yep, that's me: quirky, fun loving, with sparkles of intelligence, a splash of maturity, fore castings of mystery. If you love your life, and you are happy with who you are, why change things? Of course, I have faults to improve on, that will be another blog entry in and of itself, but if I work at that, I am sure I'll be heading in the right direction.

All in all,

Magpie

COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE

2008-10-18T00:21:00.004-05:00

So yes, as you can see, this post is dedicated to a dear love of my life coffee. Among other things like family, friends, God, mannequins, dedication, patience, loyalty et. al, Coffee has helped me through some real tough times. I am deeply in debt to those who served me coffee. I am obliged to mention companies that provided me with my fix TID and PRN. You all really rock my socks.

Coffee has become one of my best friends. During school, when I would get very little hours of sleep due to studies, and um, studies, coffee would be a constant companion.

During my Med/Surg Nursing class, we would get a 10 minute break. During this break, I would go to get my delicious coffee at school. At first it became just something to keep me occupied during class. Then it became a habit. I would actually pay before class just so that I had it quickly without waiting in line to pay. Linda, I believe that was her name, was my savior-ess. She always knew what I needed. There was one time when there were no more big coffee cups left. I began to feel my hands tremble....my head ache and pound....wait! what was that running across the room??? Some dark black figure! Am I hallucinating? Yes, a classic case of coffee DT's. Linda then from behind the desk pulled out a large coffee cup for me to fill. There were times when I did not have the change to pay for my coffee. Linda was there to cover for me. I would always manage to give the money she needed the next day but she helped me out when I really needed it.

Coffee during school kept me going when my mind and body said no more. My professors always said that a sleep deprived, caffeine fueled mind would never do well on exams, assignments or anything for that matter. However, it was the only way that I could stay up to study for the exams to complete the various assignments: papers, portfolios, posters, concept maps et. al.

Starbucks was really the best. No, World. You do not need to get $5.00 coffees every morning. I could never afford that. I got my cheap drink every day I knew I'd need to do a 35.67892 hour day. Venti Hot Brewed coffee (preferably a bold flavor) two pumps peppermint, one shot (which actually came out to 2. I would get one free because they have to make 2 at a time. Thy just asked if I wanted the extra one.) and room (for cream). All for $2.14. There are two girls that I am indebted to at the local Starbucks. The one was the first person ever to memorize my drink. She rocked my day. My goal in life complete, "train" a Starbucks worker to memorize my order. She was so totally awesome. The second one, I want to say her name is Elizabeth but I know I am wrong, also has my drink memorized. She sold me my first coffee mug thingy. And she recognizes me even if I miss a week or two. She is awesome. Both of these ladies will never know how much they helped me through my day. Starbucks was a definite staple for me during the school year. Even on the way home from clinicals, my friend and I would stop to get something.

Dunkin' Donuts coffee also was what I'd drink on the way to the hospital for work and clinical. Along with school I'd work on weekends at a hospital near by. On the way was a Dunkin' Donuts. I'd get an X-Large coffee to drink on the way. Even now, Dunkin' Donuts wishes me good day for my drive into work.

So here is to you coffee givers and takers...a poem....of love.....for you:

Coffee Coffee! You are so sweet.
You have given me pleasure and glee!
Without you my day is incomplete
And I can be likened to a banshee.

My addiction is true,
My love is intense,
I cannot quit you,
My devotion is too immense.

When my days are tired and long,
It is you that I do find.
You are bold and strong,
And get me through the grind.

Not one day can I miss,
For my head will ache,
And will persist,
Until your sweetness I take.

Dehydration, ulcers, hypertension,
are definitely worth it all.
Our love is on another dimension,
You have me in thrall.

For the future , I swear,
Despite doctor's command,
We will always be a pair,
For you I will stand.

In other news besides obvious sleep deprivation, I have decided to join the National Novel Writing Month contest. It should prove to be a hoot. I have to write a 175 page novel with 50,000 words in the month of November. I believe that it will be exciting to try to win. They say that I really should just write and write and not worry about doing editing. I am an editing freak. I hope that I can do this without going back and reading through it. Spell Check is a must with me and so is rereading everything I write. Most of the time. I hope that I will do well in this contest. I'll keep you updated. It starts on November 1.

Here is the website :) http://www.nanowrimo.org/

I'm out!
Magpie

Liquid or Powder Foundation?

2008-10-10T01:11:00.007-05:00

So I am not partial to makeup. I actually just started wearing makeup regularly. I have no problem going out without makeup. I think I look better with makeup but it is such a hassle sometimes to put on.

However there is a unspoken rule of girldom which states: It is required to wear makeup if you are born a girl. It is your doomdom/destiny/curse whatever.

Today, some people tried to over me some make up from some fancy dancy person who makes make up.

"Excuse me ma'am, are you wearing make up?"

"No."

*horror face on the woman ensues" "Do you EVER wear make up?

"No."

Ok, so I lied....I do wear makeup! I really do...sometimes. When I am not lazy....er....patient.

The first time I wore make up was in high school. I know I know. I was a late bloomer. I didn't really care. Until I saw a picture of my stupid shiny forehead. I started to wear makeup.

I recently started wearing makeup when I went into a store and they said, “Would you like your makeup done? It will only take 5 minutes. And it will be no cost.”

How the heck do you pass up that opportunity? Free? LOL sign me up.

So I sat in this chair and the lady asks, “What is your makeup routine.”

*wait...routine? You mean there is a routine??? Quick, Magpie, make something up!*
“Um…I wash my face.”

*UGH!!! FAILURE*
“I mean what do you do for makeup.”
“Nothing. I just wash my face and I am set for the day.”
“Oh….” She’s probably thinking, “I have a lot of work to do.”
I told her I don’t want to look fake. I was not born with blue eyelids, I’d rather not have blue eyelids. I was not born with Cleopatra eyes and would rather not have them. I didn’t say it that way I used the classic term: “I would like a natural look.” Makeup talk. J

Ok so she did my makeup and then asked me, “Will you use this…will you use that.” Well we got to the eye liner part. Ok, I don’t do eyeliner. Ever. Never ever. With my luck the pencil will be IN my eye. “Ok, for eyeliner….” “Oh wait…I can’t do eyeliner.” “Why not?” Obviously, she doesn’t know me. “I will poke my eye out.” Again, the face. The face I get whenever I say I don’t wear makeup. The face of horror. The face of oh my gosh how do you live with yourself. OK, it wasn’t that bad. She laughed and then said, “You HAVE to promise me you’ll wear mascara though. You have beautiful lashes.” “Um, ok *fingers cross*.” I have no problem with mascara except my eyelashes look like I am going the sleezy look. I think it is just that she put too much on. When I do it now, it is a bit better.

Ok so my make up:

What is there really to talk about it? Hmmm....tinted moisturizer, then bronzer, then eye concealer then blush then eye shadow that is pinkish so it isn't all OUT THERE and then mascara...optionally.

The woman says it makes my eyes pop. Ok? :unsure: Scary.

Mom says that I should curl my eyelashes. Now my eyelashes are super long. Not obnoxiously long but long. Have you ever seen an eyelash curler? It looks like a torture device. I never wanted to put that thing anywhere near my body let alone my eye. And then they have heated ones. Holy Cow, it is ridiculous. Make so nervous. I thought I was going to pull my eyelid off.

Well before my makeup I look like this:

After I look like this:

Ok ok...so I don't look THAT creepy with makeup.

I look more like this:

or this:

Pretty no?

Ok so make up is not for me.

End of Story.

Meg

Wait...Magpie's a boy?!?!?!

2008-10-04T19:32:00.006-05:00

Ok, so no, last time I checked...which was like a few minutes ago, I am a girl. No boydom here. However, there are some days that I just wish I were a guy. Things look much greener on that side of the gender spectrum, like a rainbow with the fake gold at the end of the purple streak. Don't get me wrong, I love being a girl. I wouldn't have it any other way. I think I fit my girlness quite well, at times. At least in my mind. Society might have another idea but I won't get into that here.

So I am sure that there are many other girls who at some point in time wish that they were a boy. And I am sure there are plenty of men out there unwilling to admit that at least once in their life, thought about what it would be like to be a girl. Yes, if you were a girl, you could sit on the couches in the "Ladies' Lounge" in Macy's...er....Marshall Fields. *shakes fist* Macy's.......

Honestly, I think I am the only one who sits in those things. I went with a friend to the mall nearby me once. Well the big thing for me to do (besides touch everything, wreck mannequins, and so forth as you all know from my previous post on shopping) is to go to the Ladies' Lounge for the sole purpose of trying out the couches. Well, I never been to the one in Von Maur (I think that was the store). I mean I usually can't afford the hanger the clothes are hanging on let alone the clothes itself so why bother entering the store? But my friend convinced me to go in:

"Magpie, have you ever been in the Ladies' Lounge of Von Maur?"
"No! I usually pass by!"
"ARE YOU SERIOUS??? They are like the most comfortable couches to sit on!"
"REALLY???? Let's go"

She was right. The couch was so comfortable. I sank into the comfortness of the floral couch and looked around. It was just so fancy! And then they had other chairs there and desks type tables and such. So I went to explore. The other couches were definitely not as comfortable. And the desks didn't have drawers. I found that out the hard way when I tried to open it and the front came off. No one has to know it was me....no one.

I am a girl and all but I still don't understand the reasoning behind this useless luxury. It isn't like we have enough time to sit in them. Plus, if we wanted to sit, why not do it in public? Why in the bathroom...oops, Ladies' Lounge? It isn't like we are going to sit on the chairs naked or anything. And I do not sit there to have conference meetings with my friends. I never really saw anyone actually sit on them. Except me.

Ok....where was I. Yes, so I am sure that you guys want to be girls JUST so that you can try out the couches in the Ladies' Lounge. But back to being a guy. Yes, there are times when I wish I could be a guy...reasons that are more than just being able to write my name in the snow with my urine.

Reasons to be a Boy
1) Not being embarrassed to be in the wrong bathroom.
Yes, it has happened...more than once. Each time I was slightly confused as to why there were little toilets in the Women's Bathroom. I mean the second time I took a hint when I saw a guy standing in front of it. Right about face and out the door for that one. I did scare another guy who was going in though. However, it would be so much better to be a boy for those instances in my life when I do enter the wrong bathroom.

Really, I want to live in a fearless world where I can walk into a bathroom and not have to double check at the door. Or be in the stall, hear the door open and not think that it might be a guy. Yes, now every time I go into the bathroom my heart stops when the door opens. I try to get out of stall when I know no one is by the sinks so that I can scout out to make sure I am in the right bathroom. I figure that way, if I did enter the wrong bathroom despite my double check at the door, I can make a B-line for the door and wash my hands somewhere else.

I guess going in the wrong bathroom is not all that bad. I probably won't see the people I saw in the bathroom for the rest of my life. I am sure they will remember me though...oh geez that would be uncomfortable.

"Hi, my name is Magpie and I will be your nurse until 11 pm"
"Hey, aren't you the girl that was in the wrong bathroom?"

2) Hair
I love my hair. I really do. I like all the stuff I can do with it like color it all sorts of awesome colors and still look somewhat normal and cut it so that it looks awesome and what not. Like how there are about 3 different colors in it without actually doing anything to it. When I think about my hair, I always think of the movie Little Women where Jo cuts her hair and that one brat Amy said, "Oh Jo! How could you...your one true beauty!" Yep, my hair and my teeth...my one true beauties.
The problem lies in the fact that I have just recently figured out how to style it. Now normally I'd just blow dry it and ta da all done. However, when I "style" it, you know use something other than my hand and air, like a brush and hair gunk, I fail. Recently I figured it out but I've had this same style for about 2 years now. Plus, if I want to do something like play capture the flag, run, change a dressing or whatever, I have to put my hair back in bobby pins or a headband type dealie.

Being a boy would allow me to have short hair without looking like I am pitching for the Cubs and Sox. How would I have my hair cut as a boy? Probably a normal crew cut. 2-1-0 or 4-2-1-0 depending on the season.

3) Shaving
Ok, I know that guys have to shave their face and stuff. But you have the option of growing out that hair and not being considered a freak. Women on the other hand, they have to shave. I mean they have to. I am not disagreeing with this fact. However, we have more shaving then men to do. That is just so time consuming and boring. Although, I have to say, shaving cream is really fun to play with. So maybe it isn’t all that boring.

I used to love in school how we’d clean the desks with shaving cream. I really don’t know what good it did. I mean, us kids were probably sneezing, drooling, coughing, vomiting, et. al. over those desks. Shaving cream is not going to disinfect it. But it was loads of fun to spread it all over the desk and stuff. Lick it off….ok no I didn’t do that. I am sure that some kid did though.

Shaving also hurts. Especially when you have no time and you have to rush and your like oh shoot…I have to shave today. There was one time where I was running out of time. I think I ripped a layer of skin off that day.

Now there are tons of products out there to use as alternatives for shaving. Veet. Nads. Melt You Hair Today. Veet burns. Nads is torture, I don’t think I’d do that to my enemy it is just way to painful…and sticky.

You know about Nads. You can eat that stuff. It is pure sugar. It doesn’t taste good but you won’t die if you eat it. Actually it is really gross. But, I figured that if you want to save money, you buy honey and take a butter knife, spread it on your leg and then take a handkerchief and rip out your hair.

Man, if women had the option of growing out their hair…no nevermind, I don’t want that. That’d be gross.

Ok so all in all I like my girlness. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, some instances make the desire pop into my head. I just have to remember that the greenness at the other end of the gender spectrum is not grass but probably weeds so I am better off with my alfalfa here on my end.

Magpie

Musings on the Doc

2008-10-02T18:08:00.000-05:00

So I was given something the other day and I thought that it kinda explained me to a T. So I am going to share it with you all. For the next few minutes please bear with the mush... :-P Oh I did add a few quirks.
These are bits and pieces from Dr. Suess. The original thing that I got gave an explanation of every day use. However, when I was reading it I was amazed at how many of these simple, childhood favorite lines I could really relate to! I could not relate whatsoever to the explanations given to me...they were too....grown up for me.

Dr. Suess's Wisdom for Magpie

Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.

Yeah, I am so totally different than everyone around me. It is funny. I have no desire to look like everyone else, or dress like everyone else. I have no desire to do a lot of the things that other people do. I have my own dreams, my own desires: jumping out of airplanes, saving lives in the back of a helicopter, traveling the world, blazing new paths....the list goes on. I am so comfortable in who I am that it just is awesome. Finally I feel great.

Plus who else write a blog about everything and nothing at all? Who else can come up with all this stuff at one single sit down moment? Yeah, that's right, Magpie.

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat . I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

Life is full obstacles, big ones and small ones. However, I cannot let this bother me. I have to overcome them. How many dreams would not have been fulfilled if I allowed the troubles of my life take over? How many dreams would I still be dreaming if I did not fight back?

I do not think that my troubles saw me in a fight. If they did then the probably would never bother me. I am muscle man...er....wo-man.....like my picture down below. I could break some one's nose if I wanted to....WITH MY PINKY!

Ok, so I lied. Luckily I carry a big bat. Because if my troubles REALLY saw me fight, they'd be all over me like boys over Paris. Hilton....not Paris France. Are boys really all over Paris still? I don't know. Ok, next topic.

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

I need to see the bright things in each day. If the day went to pot, there is tomorrow. There will always be a tomorrow with something new to hope for. However, if you were to dwell on all the bad stuff that happens in a day then life would be miserable. Actively seek out the good fun things that happen each day. Look forward to tomorrow when more good fun things will happen.

Today in real life was really not all that great. Today was really not all that fun. But Tomorrow I am planning to start a lot of trouble. Wait, there was something fun today. At work I discovered that unlike the newer hospitals, this one has chutes. There is a garbage chute and a linen chute. Now I really didn't have a lot to do today at work. So I started to think up ways that I could utilize this new discovery. A secret escape route....HA so unoriginal. Why not just use it as a chute? Like, a human chute? How awesome is that? Now I was thinking about which one I'd rather go down, the garbage chute or the linen one. I figured, I really don't want to go down the garbage one. I know too much about what goes in the garbage. And it smells. Not that the linen is any better. But at least I could put clean linen down the chute before diving in. Yep, that is what I do....save lives.

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

I can be as smart as good ole' Al but where is that going to get me? I have to put it to good use and knowledge by taking initiative to go out and apply it.

Now, many will argue, "Does Magpie really have a brain?" Well, actually, I do have one. No one has seen it. Except maybe Joe but that is another story. Wait....who is Joe? Confusion ensues....

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

HAHAHAHAHA....yeah....I think that explains it all. I think I find things funny that people would just find stupid. I mean I will just start laughing. For no reason. Or at the worst possible times. I am very shocked that I am not in the psych unit yet. Makes for a good seating choice on crowded buses, trains, cabs. People just tend to avoid you. Makes for even better first dates.

"Magpie, I think I really like you....I mean, I never felt like I did around you. You give me this joy in my heart that..."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA"

"Um, did I say something wrong???"

"Oh...sorry, no...I was just er....uh....thinking of something."

"Dust unto dust....ashes unto...."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"*tears*What is so funny about Whatsherface dying?"

"I....um....oh man."

Can someone say aWkwArD?

And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Nine-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed.

Looking forward, I have not succeeded. I can never measure my success by seeing the rest of the stuff I have to do. However, when I stop climbing the mountain for a second and I look back, I can see all the stuff that I have accomplished. It is totally a lot. I have come a long way since...well....a long time ago. I mean I graduated college, I got a job, I developed myself into who I am today.

However, 98.75%? That leaves 1.25% of doubt left. I mean, failure is a part of success. This is what helps drive even more success. The fact that I am not 100% successful drives me to be more successful. Makes me want it even more. Like a competition, in my head.

GO MAGPIE, GO MAGPIE, YOU CAN'T DO IT...AT LEAST THINK THAT SO THAT YOU WILL.

Stop procrastinating! DO IT NOW!

Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!

Hahaha.....yeah....all I have to do is sit and my brain starts coming up with all this random stuff without me even having to tell it to do so.

Class was a hoot at times. I think that my brain just thinks stuff up and then misses the filter to my mouth. Someone told me that...."I think I am missing the filter from my brain to my mouth." So there were many times that my classmates saw the inside of my brain. And the beat goes on....

If you want to catch beasts you don't see everyday, you have to go out of the way, you have to go places no others can get to. You have to get cold, and you have to get wet, too.

I want to travel all over the world. I have been stuck in one place for so long, I want to explore. There are way too many things in this world to see to stay in one place. I remember when I was younger...much younger and dad was in the Army. We moved 3 times, Germany to Kentucky and then Kentucky to Kansas and then Kansas to Illinois. I only remember the move from Kansas to Illinois. I loved the excitement of it all. The thought that I was going to see new things. My grandparents lived there and we visited them several times but the fact that we were moving there was just awesome.

In my life I have been to so many places. I've been pretty lucky. I have had some pretty awesome people who I don't know pay my way for some of these trips. And my grandma to thank too. Oh and the US government. Some of it I remember, some of it I don't. I've been to Europe, Canada, and all over the US. However, I want to see more, I want to meet more people, I want to see the things that you can't look out your window to see. The world is huge. I am young. It is time to conquer it.

The more you read, the more you'll know. The more you learn, the more places you'll go.

<_< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Surg II Week 5: Renal
Wagner (barf) 648-682=34
Iggy: Chapters 72-75 = approx 80 (estimate about 20 pages per chapter)

Pediatric Nursing Week 5: Chapter 46=59 pages

Maternal/Newborn Nursing Week 5: Chapters 9-12=180 pages (approx. 45 pages per chapter)

Leadership and Management Week 5: ok so I didn't read for this class so I won't count it.

353+ plus because of rereading and extra reading assignments thrown in. Needless to say, I really have no desire to read anymore right now.

However, all that reading has made me who I am. It has allowed me to take information, process it, put pictures together, help people get better. I learned so many things and through that knowledge, been able to help others become healthier individuals. Or drove them so nuts that they told me that to shut me up.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

The world needs more caring people. If people thought more about others then the world would be a better place. Respect, love, empathy, compassion....this is what the world needs...oh and maybe chocolate. This is why I chose nursing. This single line sums almost all of my decision up. There are nurses out there who are not caring...who are too busy to talk, to listen, to understand. This needs to change. If I do not change my attitude to be different than theirs, how is anything going to get done? We will not be moving forward. We will remain stagnant in the present time. Patients need someone other than medicine, surgical procedures and diagnosis to get better. That is TLC: Taking Lots of Chocolate....er I mean Tender Loving Care. All the medical intervention in the world are useless if they are not given with love, care, compassion. You can teach a monkey to start and IV, give a pill, change a dressing. You cannot teach a monkey to start and IV with empathy, give a pill safely, change a dressing while putting yourself in the person's shoes. It just cannot happen. I am that person. I vowed this from the beginning of my journey into the medical field and I resolve to continue this endeavor.

If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good.

Alright, so I know that I have said this so many times but bear with me. I was stuck literally in a nursing lab, or library for about 2 years. No fun. I mean me and my friends goofed around a lot: making fun of things that were said in class...stupid comments....like, well I'll save it. But for the most part, I missed out on a lot in the world around me. The world was not going to stop turning while I studied about how to save lives. So now I want to do everything. I want to go places. (I did go on a road trip to Washington DC. That was fun.) and do things (Like skydive...I will once I get the money). Try everything. If you don't like it, don't do it again. I mean if you don't try it, you may never get the opportunity again, and then you will regret it for the rest of your life.

A person's person no matter how small.

This is another important thing that I think that people tend to miss in everyday life. Human dignity is in EVERY human being and it needs to be respected. Yes, they guy who is mentally handicapped and is bagging your groceries is a human being. Those who are black, red, yellow, green whatever, they are humans. That one old person who yells at you for bending that one single blade of grass (yes....the exist.....I knew the man....God rest his soul.) yeah, he's human too. No one is better than anyone else. If you cut us all open, remove the skin and the hair and the outside appearance, it would be very scary....and you would also see that we are all the same. Maybe we have slight different variations between us. Like our heart is 1.65783724 mm deviated to the left. Whatever. We are all the same. We all have emotions, feelings, things that set us off, desires, dreams. So yeah.

Alrighties. Enough. I think I said enough. I have like three more blogs in my head so I'll have to write those out soon. Man, my brain never sleeps. Can get quite annoying.

Boy I make you smell good

2008-09-05T00:55:00.005-05:00

So yeah...it's been a while, huh? :mellow: Sorry, life kinda got the better of me.

So yes, I won the peep contest.
You can check it out at
www.youtube.com/picchickolo

While you are there, feel free to befriend me or subscribe. More videos to come ^.^

Today's blog question comes from my brother:

If you were a bathroom cleaner, what scent would you be and why?

Let me first off start out by saying, I really hate bathrooms and the cleaning of such. I really really hate it. It isn't hard. Actually it is relatively easy to do. I just don't like it. I don't know why. I should sit down and figure that out...

Hm...bathroom scent. This is a very delicate thing to decide. We have to first concentrate on the fact that we need to disinfect. It is very important to do so because germs reside in the bathroom. So disinfecting would be ideal. The best thing to use to disinfect is of course bleach. However, bleach really smells. There will be times that I will smell like bleach all day because I cleaned the bathrooms. Regardless of a shower or how many times I wash my hands. It is nuts.

So we need the disinfectant...and then a smell to cover up the disinfectant. Hmmm....what smell....what smell.

This reminds me of my favorite pastime, smelling things.

Yankee Candle Company is one of the greatest stores on earth. I will go there just to smell candles. They are so realistic! Sometimes I seriously have to hold myself back from eating the cake one...or the sugar cookie one....or vanilla bean one.....THEY JUST SMELL HEAVENLY!!! I love Christmas time the best because they have all the pine ones, and greenery ones. It is just great.

Bath and Body works is another great store for smelling. I went there yesterday to buy more honeysuckle body wash because it smells so good. They had new scents out so I smelled away. Then this guy came up and started talking to me about this real new scent...I have no idea what he told me but I said sure and got a free scent bracelet thingy. I smelled that in the car on the way home. In fact it is hanging from my rear view mirror. So they had a deal buy one get one half off. I got my honey suckle and then I got Black Amethyst....Both smell so delightful and pretty!

Clean men also smell lovely. I love the fresh smell of zest or Irish spring or whatever a clean guy uses in the shower. Old Spice smells good too...the mountain spring or ice mountain falls or whatever the names are. There was one time in the computer lab at AU that I was standing next to a guy. We were waiting for the printer to finish printing our stuff. He looked kinda scruffy so I thought, this guy is either going to smell gross or not smell at all. Then suddenly I caught a whiff of something beautiful. It was Irish Spring. Wow...I was stunned. That guy really smelled good! I wanted to just sniff off his shirt or something...but I refrained. I returned to my computer and told my friend. I also told her that she should go smell him. She declined. :) Her loss. Although I guess it would be weird for her to go smell some random guy just for the Irish Spring. Another time in anatomy lab, there was this guy with awesome Cologne on. Now I can't stand the cheap axe or body spray. They give me headaches. But this guy smelled like expensive stuff. Me and my friend would stand next to him to smell him because the cadavers were so stinky. He thought we were weird. We were.

Clean clothes from clothes detergent. Cheer and Tide are the best to me. We don't use it here but it just smells delicious. Again, in anatomy lab, my friend and I would wash our lab coats the night before with it so that we could smell each other's shoulders while we worked on the cadavers. They really really reeked.

So now that I have a bunch of scent to choose from, what would I want to be?

I don't think I should be a food scent. That would be weird in the bathroom.

"Hmmm, I need to use the bathroom....funny, it smells like a kitchen in here."
Yeah that probably wouldn't go over well. People would start associating the kitchen with bodily functions. Yeah that is not good. Plus, whenever I see a lemon now I think of bathrooms. I am sure people do not want to eat a sugar cookie and think...mmmmmmm, bathroom. Mos Def....Food scents are out.

I could do an outdoors smell. There are a lot of those. Like mountain fresh or morning dew. I do like the smell of a new day. You know, you wake up at the crack of dawn and you go outside before anyone else is awake and you take a deep breathe in. That is an awesome smell. The world untouched by anything. Fresh, clean air. I love it. If I could bottle that up I think it would make an awesome bathroom cleaner scent. However, it is a little more wispy of a smell. I am not sure that it would cover up the disinfectant smell.

Perfumes! Perfumes are strong enough to take on the worst of disinfectants! Tommy Girl smells good. I think that it is strong enough to cover up the disinfectant AS well as make the place smell good :) I likes. I've had my Tommy girl for about 5 years now. I love it. It only takes one spray and you are set for the day.

There ya go, Tommy Girl Bathroom Cleaner. I should sell it. I bet I would make millions. And then I could do like every perfume into a bathroom cleaner. Then everyone could get their scent in a cleaning form. How neat would that be?

Well, until next time folks, which I hope won't be two months.

Magpie.

Well,

SMILE your on Candid Camera

2008-07-19T13:18:00.006-05:00

I really love my teeth. So yeah, my teeth are my pride and joy. I love taking care of them and stuff. No cavities for 23 years. No braces ever. No chips, no surgeries to correct. Yeah they are pretty much perfect except for a few imperfection.

I remember when I use to not take very good care of my teeth like when I was 10 or something like that. My uncle gave us a bunch of lollipops. Not the cheap dum dum ones. I mean like real cool huge sphere lollipops with all sorts of flavors. I would eat one or two after dinner or lunch. Well, after one of those delicious ones, I think it was strawberry cheesecake or something like that, grandma pricked my conscience:

"Do you brush you teeth after those?"

"No...sometimes I forget to brush my teeth at night too."

"WHAT? How do you do that? If ate one of those I wouldn't be able to do anything else until I brushed my teeth. And I cannot go to sleep unless I brush my teeth."

".....oh....." *finished lollipop and brushed teeth*

From that time on if I did not brush my teeth all I could think of was my poor white teeth being eaten by bacteria and sugar. And them crying for help. And all I did was sleep. So basically I can't sleep unless I brush them.

So usually I like going to see the Dentist. My teeth are all happy because they get all polished and smooth. They get their picture taken and they all smile because they know that they are well taken care of. The Dentist comes in and says, "Beautiful teeth." And you walk out of there all fresh mouthed and if you run your tongue over the surfaces of your teeth it is all smooth and clean. Yeah I like the Dentist.

However, today was different. Today was an "emergency" appoint for my poor teeth. After a month and a half of a tooth screaming after cold and hot drinks and soda drinks, I decided that I really needed it looked at. I apologized to my tooth and made an excuse as to why I waited so long. My tooth understood. Circumstances were not right for this impromptu visit :( I feared the worst. Another cavity. Another drilling. My poor sad tooth cried at the thought of a mean drill taking out a part that was with him for 23 years. I tried to explain to him that if it has to be done, he'll feel so much better. He will have the hurt cut out. He still cried. I cried too. Inside. If I went around talking to my tooth out loud I wouldn't be here typing this blog. I'd probably be arrested for drug possession or being crazy or something to that effect.

So in I walk to the Dentist office.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi, Magpie, I'll let them know you are here." Yeah they know me by name and face. ^.^ I like the Dentist.

I sat down and waited for my name to be called. There was another woman sitting a couple chairs next to me. Well after about a minute I started to get bored. Should I get a magazine to read? Nah, that would mean I'd have to walk across the office. My eye caught the really cool looking lego table. That looked fun. I started to envision all the structures to build. Someone had already built a house. I was trying to figure out what I could build. I was so tempted to get up and sit in a little chair and start building. I mean there were some really colorful legos in there. Light green...I never saw that color in lego. I saw a lot of primary colors and grey and black for planes and star wars and boats but never light green.

"Resist...resist..."

Minutes passed when I was finally called back. Whew...I could forget about playing with them. So back in the room I went. They hygienist was really nice. My tooth got a picture taken. No issues and problems showed up. Wonderful! I breathed a sigh of relief. No cavity showed up. It was great. I was happy. But what was my problem? The hygienist told me to wait and that she was going to get the Dentist.

Well, leaving Magpie in a room alone is probably not the best thing in the world. Especially with all the cool new tools that were all over the place. There were magazines on the wall. Should I read on? No....too boring. I could do that anywhere. OOooooooo the over head light. No too big to move. They would mos def recognize if that was moved. OH! That fake jaw is on the counter!!! I COULD PLAY WITH THAT! No because I have to get out of the chair.

This was my dream come true! Being able to play with forbidden objects!!!

Then...I turned to my left. What did I behold but the water spit cup/sink thingy. On the side was a little black button. I HAD to figure out what it did. I press the button and WAAALLAAA water comes squirting out of the spout above the cup. So cool. I watched and waited for the water to stop. The cup continued to fill up...no stopping in site.....shoot.

shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot. The water did not stop. It was not stopping. The cup began to overflow onto the floor and onto water-fountain-spit-thingy. So took the cup and dumped as the water continued to go all over. I pressed another button. It stopped filling the cup. Phew. It instead swirled around the sink. That was ok. At least I can handle that, right? At least, when it is in the sink it will go down the drain not all over the place. However, after a while it started back up in the cup again. I kept pressing the button to make it swirl. Finally after searching, I realized that the stand that the actual cup was on would turn off the water
so I press the plate and TA DA! The water stopped. Awesome. I. Am. A. Genius. *wink*

Now I had another problem. There was water all over the place. I had to do something. I couldn't let the dentist office know that I, Magpie...the newly graduated nurse...was playing with the dentist tools and now had water all over the place! So I creeped out of the dentist chair and tiptoed to the sink with my paper bib thing flowing silently before me. I grabbed a couple of paper towels and creeped back to my chair. The mess didn't look all the bad so I began with the large machine that was under the water spigot thingy.

On this large machine thingy were two valves. I carefully navigated the paper towel around the valve. Only I hit the last one and it started hissing. Geez...no being covert here. I quickly turned the valve off and sat back, tucked the paper towel under my leg and folded my hands. After a few minutes, I realized that no one was coming, I returned to the task at hand. I continued to wipe up what water I saw. I was going to wipe up the floor but then decided against it because it would be too tricky and risky. So I declared task completed.

I sat back deciding that maybe dental tools is not my forte. I looked around at the other things in the room. Yes, I was not content to just wait for the dentist. I wanted something to do. I turned to look at the xrays. Study my pretty teeth. It was a whole other view from what I am use to looking at in the mirror. Such whiteness...purity....and then transparency....gum line. Beautiful.

"Magpie?"
I come out of my trance and tell the dentist what's up with my poor babies. She looks at the x-ray and says, "Nothing remarkable there..." She then asked me to point out where my pain is. I do it and she says,
"Ahhh, I know what your issue is...I am going to mimic the pain..." She does so and I realize...my gums are receding :(

So yes, receded gums. I brushed too hard...too aggressively. She explains it to me and tells me what I need to do for the rest of my life.

So....this is a lifelong thing. She says it isn't a big deal but to me it is. So, I feel really bad about my teeth and what I did to them. I really feel bad. I think I will write a sorry note to my teeth...

Dear Teeth,
I realized today that I really hurt you. Please understand that
in the long run I was really trying to help you. I really was. I didn't know
that by brushing you guys like that was actually ruining you. It really tears me
up inside when I think about it. I now made you even more vulnerable to fact
that you might get cavities. I am so sorry. I will try my best to brush the way
the dentist told me to. I will even buy the special toothpaste she suggests. I
promise. I will also start to floss more too. That will help. I want to make you
happy. I don't want to lose you in my old age. I want to be with you until I
die. I am so sorry that I did this. I hope that my improved actions will make up
for the trouble that I have caused you.

Love, your bestest fan,
Magpie.

In other news, I was watching a peep video sent by one of my friends. They nerd in the video (they are nerd fighters) erroneously said that 12 peeps is the most that one can eat in a sitting. After further research, I found the original vlog where the other nerd said the most peeps in three minutes. I was too lazy to watch all 39 video response to beat the best. You know my mind...flubber. So my friend graciously watched all 39 video responses and found that the most was 20 in 3 mintues.

COME ON!!!! 20?!?!?! <_<

So I am challenged. That is it. I am going to beat this meager amount. I got online...bought a box of 360 peeps. It should arrive by the end of this week :) I am excited. I have been challenged and I will not back down!!!

Till next time my faithful readers!
Magpie!

I'M A GIRL!!! WOOOO!!!

2008-06-29T23:25:00.003-05:00

Yeah...I really am not muscular like that one guy. I think that people took that the wrong way...I really do not look like that. lol...but I could scale a mean well wall ;)

*angelic voices*
Random Question of the blooooooggggg!
*end angelic voices*

What is the best part of being a girl?

Oh wow. Best part? I don't know if there is a "best" part...maybe bests part. I mean best partS.

Considering I am a girl, and girls have the rap of being complicated, did you expect a straight answer? Well even if you disagree with the complicated question because I am Magpie and as Magpie, everything is complicated. Even if it is a simple task I make it much more complicated.

For example, decision making. Making a decision should be easy right? Well, I guess it depends on the decision. For me even the simplest easiest decision is made complicated by my random mind.

"Should I wear red or blue today? Well I could wear red. Red looks good on me. But blue is my favorite color. I love blue. Wait, what do I have going on today? Should I wear blue? Is something special going on? Does the red make me look fat? I don't want to look fat. I should wear blue because it will make me feel pretty. But later this week I am going out with friends. I should wear red today and save the blue for later this week. I really want to wear blue today though....ok I'll wear yellow."

Complicated? Yes I guess so.

I guess I should list this out to make it a little less complicated

The Best Parts of Being a Girl.

1. Variety of clothing

Yes, only girls can decide to wear a skirt or dress or to wear pants. Men cannot do so. If they did it would be weird and their masculinity is questionable. This can also be a curse though. At least for me. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to match clothes. There is too much to think about. Which color matches which color. What pattern can go with another. Purse with shoes...shoes with earrings, underwear to eyes. All the rules are crazy. But at least we have the option of picking the different types and genres of clothing.

Getting free stuff

You walk into a store and they all have samples for you to try. Just try it...you walk in too Marshall Field's in Chicago and if you look worthy enough all the makeup people want you to try free samples. It is really cool...although it hasn't happened to me yet I am waiting for the day.

Wait, does that mean that I am not worthy? Or does that mean that I do not look like girl? :sadder: Or does that mean that I don't look old enough? Maybe I look too poor to afford anything at the store :thinking: yeah. That's it :) Ok...back to the list

STILL PART OF 2) another free thing you get is samples in the mail. if you are a girl who never got free samples in the mail then you aren't living!! ^.^ Go to http://www.walmart.com/ Then go to IN STORES NOW. Then scroll down to FREE samples. Sign up and wall laa! Free samples in the mail! Right now their free samples consist of depends, deodorant, perfume wipees, and cheerios :) It is pretty sweet. You also get free samples from DHC THE BEST SKIN CARE PRODUCTS OUT THERE! Sign up for their catalogue and you too will get hooked :) http://www.dhccare.com/

3) Capability to feel and show emotion:

Now before all I get all the men all mad at me. You guys do have the capability to feel and show emotion. Yet I believe that women have it a little easier. If we cry, if we show some love, we do not have to worry about being manly or looking girly in front of their friends. We are girls. I think too that by the very nature of being a girl we are more sensitive to the feeling within ourselves. Now before everyone gets into a tizzy about that comment just think for a moment. As being a girl, we grow into women, and thus have the capability to have children. We have by the very fact of being a women a nurturing disposition. Which makes a great segway into my next topic:

4) Capability to have babies

Here is where Magpie might get a little sappy on you. The capability of having babies is one of the best parts to being a girl. Men mos def cannot do this. No matter how much science tries to mess with it...they just can't. This part makes all the pains of being a girl so much better. Now, I never had a baby. But I have a huge family so I remember my little brothers being born. I did my OB rotation where I saw actual live births. I see newborns in Church. I see toddlers at the beach. Children are everywhere. When I see a pregnant woman, I wonder what it would be like. When I have my first baby it is going to be so cool. Mind you yes, I know all the "horrible" things that go with childbirth...the stretch marks, the pain, the weight gain, the fact that I will probably end up on bed rest according to my teacher. But to me that doesn't matter. Don't think I am weird but I honestly cannot wait to feel my baby's first kick inside of me. My baby and I will have a bond that cannot be shared with anyone else. I will give my baby all she/he needs within me. To be entrusted with such a huge responsibility is so totally mind blowing for me that I cannot comprehend it. Women are given this by God: to care for the most innocent of the world. So totally awesome. And then when they are born, they are entrusted to be cared for by us. Of course my husband will hopefully help in child rearing, but many times it is the mother that the child runs to for kisses on their boo boos and when they are hungry. I can only hope that God will entrust the care of one of his little ones to me someday. I promise to try to be the best mother I can. With the help of my future spouse (who ever you are...), I will keep that promise.

My sappy moment is finished.

All in all being a girl is not half bad. No it is pretty great. But I have to say. That is the hardest question I have had to answer thus far. It was really difficult to wrap my fingers around stuff that was the best part of being a girl.

Well until next time my friends!

Magpie.

So much for the extended trip...me and my teeth are stuck.

2008-06-27T11:22:00.004-05:00

Well, after reading my last blog over because I am my own biggest fan ^.^ <_<>OH MY GOSH! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!? THEY ARE GOING TO INJECT THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH WITH GINORMOUS NEEDLE AND THEN THEY ARE GOING TO DRILL UNTIL THEY REACH THE MIDDLE OF MY TOOTH. I can't believe I have a cavity. What did I do wrong???? Alright, chill...you aren't the first person to have a cavity. You won't be the last. Heck this probably won't be the last cavity for you either. Yeah...I guess i all goes down hill from here.
"...just to let you know you take excellent care of your teeth. It is just the fact that it is way back there and it is hard to keep those clean."-Nice Dentist Lady

"So I just need to make an appointment?"-Me

My face was numb for half a day and I looked so stupid when I smiled. ;)

I had my wisdom's pulled a couple of years ago. Wonderful excitement. :)

Question number 2:

If your whole body were a hot air balloon, would you stop eating spicy food?

:unsure: hmmmmm...uh....er.....no lame question NEXT

You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.

A goat ^_^ and a slinky ^_^ this mos def spells trouble for Magpie. I can like think of a million things to do with a goat and a slinky.

One time my family went to Santa's Village. It was my mom and then us 6 kids. It was the hottest day of the year. But we all had a blast. We visited drunk Santa, licked the germy ice pole that every other kid licked and touched with nasty hands (YUMMY!) and then visited the goats.

Those goats pretty much followed us everywhere. We tried to escape but they just followed us. They freaked my little brother out. Gregory, my oldest-little brother, became the goat god and attracted them all away while we escaped. Awesomeness to have a goat god in the family.

Alright, so a well huh? I wonder how deep the well was. The well we had was like maybe 5 feet down. Of course it was deeper but the pump was five feet down. But a well is quite deep to get to water. I often wondered how people dug their wells in the old times. Like before cell phones or any telephones for that matter. I wonder if they had a ladder.

Or like in Moses's day. How did they dig their well so deep to find water? I know! Maybe that is where the whole "dig to China thing started..."

*Travel back in Time*
"Minest Son."
"Yesest Father."
"Did thou knowst that if thou dig deepest in the sand that thou will find an exotic country unlike the one thou livest in now?"
"No, Father! What isest its name?"
"It is calledth China."
"China? I want to find this country that thou speaketh of."
"Then dig my son. Digeth in the dirt and thou shall find it."

*Fast Forward to the future*

You know what....that's an idea. Dig my way out of the well! Dig all the way to China! I can employ the goat to help. I would have to make the goat want to dig though. Maybe I could show him by example or something. Like start digging myself. I mean, I'll have to dig anyway. I can't just sit back while my goat digs for me.

I should name my goat. Let's see...I could name him something devilish considering Jesus said that goats are going to hell. However, I love my goat. I should name him something nice. I wonder if it would be a boy goat or a girl goat. I guess I should pick both out just in case. hmmmm....as a boy I should name him, Guthrey. As a girl I should name ner Nancy. I guess I could always go with a neutral name like....Frappachino. That would work. So my goat's name is Frappachino. Frapp for short.

^_^ So Frapp and I are on a mission to dig for China. Well after about 5 feet we'd probably get hungry. At least I would. I could feed the goat the slinky for energy but I can't eat slinkies. I could eat my goat. But then I would cry because I love my little Frapachino... :tears: And then what would I do when I reached the middle of the earth? I heard it is hot in there. Plus, what if I am already in China? How do I dig to China if I am already in a well in China. That would totally defeat the purpose.

Ok. So digging is out. Frapp and I and slinky is still stuck in the well. I am assuming that screaming is out of the question. That would make this all too easy. Furthermore, that is boring. So let's continue with the creativity shall we?

I could take the slinky and throw it up and hopefully it will attach to something.

Slinkies are so entertaining. I love holding it in my hands and rocking it back and forth so that all the slinks go back and forth. Walking it down the stairs are also entertaining. And it makes a good yo yo for those who cannot yo yo. Metal ones are the best. I've had a few plastic ones but those are just no fun. No fun at all. Plus they break pretty easily. I like the metal ones. They make that cool sound too.

So hopefully the slinky will grab on to something. If it would then I would grab Frapp: either on my shoulders to use two hands or under an arm so then I use one hand. I think I should do over the shoulder because I am better with two hands. Frapp better cooperate and not do something stupid like kick around. Or else when we get up to the top of the well, I am going to cook and eat Frapp. Or blend him and drink him. That might be gross but at least when I tell people that I am drinking a Frappachino it might be more believable.

Wait...do you know how sometimes when you try to get a slinky to go down some steps it will retract back up onto itself? What if that happens? What if the slinky then makes it up out of the well and then stays up there without coming back down? :tears: It would abandon us... Sad pandas.

Let's see. I can throw Frapp up out of the well and have him get someone. Yeah...I'd take the time to train the goat and then train him to find someone and then drag the person back to me. Or... I could tie the slinky to his neck, throw him up, and then someone is going to wonder why a slinky is around a goat's neck right? But what if I hit someone with Frapp? Frapp might get injured. Therefore I would not put Frapp through such trauma.
Ok...new plan.

How about I tie the goat' legs up with the slinky. I will take one end of the slinky and Frapp will be on the other end. I will then put the end of the slinky that I have into my mouth and free climb the side of the well. Then when I reach the top I will pull up Frapp. Then we will live happily ever after in the world.

Yeah, that would work. Especially since I look like this:

Once out of the well though I'd be very very muddy. So I would shower and look clean and sparkly. Then I would give Frapp a shower. Boy after that experience Frapp and I would be like best of buds. I would give him a huge hug. We'd be famous for living in a well and escaping under adverse conditions.

Well I guess I got out of the well...wait a second. Reading back, I didn't even use the goat or the slinky in the end. I just used my brute strength. Awesome. I am woman...hear me roar...ROAR!!!!

Magpie ^.^

Chicago, chicago that toddling town, Chicago, Chicago I'll show you around-I love it.

2008-06-17T12:51:00.011-05:00

SING IT TO ME FRANKIE!!!!

Chicago, chicago that toddling town
Chicago, chicago Ill show you around - I love it
Bet your bottom dollar youll lose the blues in chicago
The town that billys sunday could not shut down

On state street that great street I just want to say
They do things that they dont do on broadway - say
They have the time the time of their life
I say a man and he danced with his wife
In chicago, my home town

Ole' Blue eyes steals the words right out of my open mouth.

Well, I just love Chicago. I love the feeling I get when I step out of the train station, look up at the sky and see all the buildings and hear all the traffic noises. I see the hustle and bustle and it is just so cool. Every corner is a Walgreens. Every corner is a Starbucks. Every corner is a McDonalds. THe lake, the parks, everything. I love it all. I wish every single one of you could experience the way I experience it.

So I thought that I would today put a tour guide do's and don'ts for you guys.

CHICAGO MAGPIE STYLE!!!!
Transportation:
I would say your best bet is the train. Otherwise, in driving you might hit traffic. Then your journey to the city will be longer than anticipated because some duck decided to cross the highway, build a nest in the 3rd lane and have some babies there. Or that a garbage truck decided that it fell in love with a semi truck. Not cool. Plus you have to spend money to park. Geez, $20...nuts. One time, I went to Navy pier. I spent $20 to park. Ended up staying for only 5 minutes. Craziness. Plus to park in the city is setting your self up for trouble.

One time someone was parking and the way they knew that they were ok in the parallel parking spot was to hit the car in front and then behind and then hit the one in front again. No worth it. Totally not worth it.

So my advice, take a train, bus or walk...

Walking:
Now, if you are walking downtown with me, be assured of a good stretch of the legs...literally. I pretty much speedwalk the whole time. City walk, I call it. It is fun to walk around dodging the crowds. Kinda like a game...make it to the lake without knocking anyone over or getting knocked over. Awesomeness.

When at crosswalks, you can do one of two things. If you are a professional crosswalker like me you can look both ways and cross regardless of if the little white dude is lit up. Or you can be normal and just wait until it is safe to cross AKA when the little white dude pops up. Or you can just run across the street. I don't suggest that unless you want a one way ticket to Northwestern Hospital ;)

There are grates on the sidewalks of Chicago. I always walk over them or around them. I suggest you do the same. Don't walk on them. Never trust them. I mean seriously people. What if you fall through it? What if they break? What then? You will fall and break a leg or something. Not cool. And some of them are deep. I always walk around them. If there is no other option, I'll jump over them. One time here was this real huge one and there was no way to get around it. I had to cross it twice: once going to the lake and once coming back. So, I went on the building's edge. That was pretty easy. I just wouldn't take your life into your hands like that. But that is my suggestion.

Dressing:
Dressing is an important thing to do right. Wear something comfortable. Do not walk around dowtown in these:

or these:

your feet will look like this:

Wear something comfortable seriously.

Windy city=unpredictable weather. Dress in layers if it is a transitional season.

Winter: dress like this:

In the summer dress like this:

Just kidding...you can dress normal.

PLACES TO SEE:

MACY'S VS. MARSHALL FIELDS

It will always ALWAYS and FOREVER be Marshall Fields. Not Macy's....ever.... THE END. ALPHA AND OMEGA....done.

Soldier's Field
Home of the best football team in the Nation. :P Packers eat your heart out...at least WE have bears...not men who pack raw bloody cold gross meat. How pathetic...Packers <_<>Millenium Park
I have heard so many concerts there. Very cool structural design. The bridge is totally boss. My dream is to slide down the bridge. But there are always security guards up and about. Secretly knowing my plot....they follow me around....creepy. They have their night sticks. I tend not to mess with them. And they also have those wheely two wheeled bikes standing things. They would zip me right over.

Plus they have :o :o THE BEAN!!!!!

THE BEAN!!!!

The most useless structure ever...BUT SOOOOOOOOOO COOOL!

I once kissed the bean. It was so beautiful. It is all shiny and globular and reflecty. It reflects the whole skyline. And you. Awesomeness.

Water Tower Place
It is the only place that survived the Chicago fire....except for the rivers. But if you think about it. The water in the river is different than the water that ran in the past. Or is it????

If the water evaporated...rained down in Wisconsin and then flowed through Chicago then technically it could be the same water, couldn't it be?

Well then, we have come to a conclusion. Or at least I have. The river water and the Water Tower in Chicago both survived the Chicago Fire. Awesome. I want to drink that water now. Maybe I could survive fire then.

Anways,
I think that is all for now...let me know if you guys are coming up to Chicago. I'll show you around :))

Magpie.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD!!!! <_< Just don't eat my candy apple

2008-06-15T09:16:00.002-05:00

In tribute for Father's Day:
RANDOM QUESTION!!!!

So you want to ride the roller coaster how do you keep your dad from eating your candy apple while you are gone?

Candy Apple? Oh this is easy. Dad doesn't like candy apples!!! HA! I win. Hmmmm....but I am really not in the mood for a candy apple right now. Let's think of something else...chocolate? Cookies? French Silk Pie? Well I guess I have to keep with the whole amusement park theme. I am sure you can't go up to some booth and say,
*AMUSEMENT PARK*
"Can I help you?" -Booth man
"Yes, one slice of devilish French Silk Pie on a stick please." -Me
*END AMUSEMENT PARK*

Hmmm....ice cream? OH!!! How about frozen custard. oops...I had to wipe some drool. Frozen Custard Chocolate style...oooohhhh yeah :cool: With hardened chocolate shell. On a cone. Now I would dig that.

One time on a trip, it was to World Youth Day in Canada, a friend and I decided to get ice cream because it was really hot. So we went to a person and we got fudge pops. They were good. But they melted like the Wicked Witch of the West. By the time we got back it was all over my face and hands and shirt. I was like a 3 year old kid. At least looking back I laugh pretty hard.

Back to the frozen custard. Yeah, Dad would dig it pretty well. I think that I would have to really come up with something so that I could ride the roller coaster. I wonder which one it is.

Wait, what amusement park is it? I mean if it is like one of those stupid roller coasters for little kids, the little dragon ones in the fair rides...yeah I would totally ride that. The dragon is SO cool. The first plunge freaks me out. Anyways, let's make it a Six Flags Park. Yeah, Gurney Mills Six Flags. They have so many awesome rides. I would go on anyone of them!! Let's say that I am going to go on Raging Bull. Yeah that sounds good.

Someday I want to go to Bush Gardens. That would be wild. Their rides look so boss. :woot:

"Dad could you hold my delicious, devilish, sinful frozen custard while I get in line for Raging Bull?" -Me
"Oh of course, Magpie. My pleasure." -Dad
"hmmmm...wait...I need to lick it all over before I give it to you."-Me
"Uh, you know part of your spit came from me."-Dad
"Oh...shoot."-Me
*thinking*
*thinking*
*thinking*
*thinking*

Alright so the classic spit thing won't work. I mean it would work on my siblings. It is kinda survivor mode here. You want the cookie with the chocolate and marshmallow? You better lick it to claim it. Kinda like a dog marking his territory...only with your spit. Usually no one will touch it unless they are really desperate. You also have to like take inventory of your candy every Easter/Christmas so that you know what you "own" and who you gave stuff to and what you ate. That way you know if someone's stealing from you.

Let's see...what would gross dad out....well, gross stuff
-Airplane pillows
-Surgery
-Silence of the Lambs
-Matisyashu and Folk Music

Airplane pillows and Frozen Custard:
What is gross about airplane pillows is the fact that people use them and then reuse them from flight to flight. So you get the next person's head lice, drool, ear wax, tears, snot, vomit all over your hair. Then when you leave, the stewardess shakes it out, fluffs it up and sticks it in the overhead compartment. Yummy ^.^

I never could sleep on airplanes anyway. Wait, I lied. On the way back from Germany three summers ago, I was sitting next to this cute guy from somewhere and this Greek couple from Greece. The cute guy really didn't say anything. The Greek couple were like grandparents. I didn't talk to them. But, during the flight I fell asleep. Then I woke up and the Greek woman was like, "Eat. You need to eat. You slept. You didn't get food." I said, "Oh thanks, Ok." Very sweet lady. I was kinda glad I had someone watching out for me on the trip. At least for the eight hours. I mean, what if I got stolen or something? Greek man and lady would help me :) But anyways, Yeah I asked for food. I really wasn't hungry but I got this plate and it had fish, and bread and butter and some vegetable and then custard..

Oh yeah custard. Frozen custard. I guess I could obviously drool all over my frozen custard. That might be a little more gross than actual licking. Licking only produces a little bit of spit. Drool is like a bucket full of spit. That on frozen custard all yummy and delicious probably wouldn't be so yummy and delicious anymore. Yeah probably a pretty good turn off. However, I don't know how appetizing it would be for me to go back to eat my frozen drool off a frozen custard after it sat there for my entire roller coaster ride. Hmm, yeah I'll skip it.

Surgery and Frozen Custard:
Oh yeah!!! I LOVE SURGERY!!! IT MEANS SOMETHING HEALTH RELATED LOVE IT! :love: Dad does not like surgery. At all. One time I was watching open heart surgery and dad and my brother had to leave the room. It was great. Blood and guts and surgery and concentration and sweat and drama. It is great. I love to see tv surgeries or all those medical shows on TV. Those are great. Trauma life in the ER is so totally awesome. All the blood and guts are real. :D :D :D :D

Let's see...blood and guts on frozen ice cream? :unsure: hmmm....probably not a good idea to do at an amusement park...but...it does lead to the next topic.

SILENCE OF THE LAMBS!!!
Holy cow this movie is creepy. Creepy as all get out. The angles of the photography is nuts. I love it. I couldn't watch it with the lights off. But enough about me watching the film...Dad said that he couldn't sleep for the night after he watched it.

Silence of the Lambs....frozen custard.....I could put a moth in the custard. That would really get anyone away from my custard. Or I could put a lamb chop on there. Or a picture of Hannibal Lector. THAT would be creepy. Or I could get Hannibal Lector to hold it for me. That would be cool. Then NO ONE would touch my ice cream and he wouldn't have a taste for it :) Unless there was blood and guts on there. That might attract him to it.

Matisyashu and Folk Music
My brain is starting to fry. I am not sure how to mix Matisyashu and Folk Music together with frozen custard. Maybe, if I got Matisyashu to beat box into my frozen custard dad would not eat it.

Awwww, heck with it. I'll just eat my frozen custard and then go on the roller coster. Hopefully it won't come back up while I am on the ride. But I can pretty much stomach those things :)

Well, To my dad and all dads out there...HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!

Magpie

PACK YOUR BAGS AND CALL ME SALLY!

2008-06-12T22:43:00.004-05:00

Random topic of the night

How long does it usually take you to get ready to go away for extended periods?

hmmmmmm

First off I'd have to ask myself,
"Magpie, you are going on a extended trip."
"Wait...what? I am?"
"......yes....."
"OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO PACK!"
"duh" <_<

Ok...let me try this again...
"Magpie, now that you know that you are going on an extended trip, what are you going to pack?"

Well, how the heck did I afford an extended trip? Was I exiled? Oh my goodness...what did I do? Did I offend anyone????? No no I didn't hurt anyone. Maybe I smell. No, I showered. I know I can't afford an extended trip. I went shopping.

When I was shopping I love to walk through the aisles like I am riding in a car. I walk really close the the clothes and I touch every article of clothing that I come across. AND if I see something impressively cool to look at I touch it. I need to feel it. I like to get the full experience. I am kinda like Patrick in that one episode of Spongebob where they go the jellyfish convention. Touching everything. I have to try when I go to the glassware aisle. That is a dangerous place for Magpie. Usually I have someone to steer me away. The other day I was in Target and I saw a chair on display. It was one of those arm chairs. I thought, hm...I have nothing else better to do. So I went to the chair podium thingy and climbed up and sat in the chair. I sat there for a few minutes pondering the comfort level of the chair. Yeah, it wasn't worth it. Not comfortable. It wasn't something that I'd like to curl up and sleep in. So I moved on.

Things that I learned from touching objects in stores:
-If I dress is heavily sequenced then it is most likely very heavy to wear.
-If a shirt looks awesome and I totally want its cuteness yet it feels like sackcloth...it is probably the best bet to pass it up.
-If it says glass...it will break.
-If it says ceramic...it will break...even if it looks cool.
-Not everything that looks plastic is plastic.
-Sometimes mannequin clothing are not secured...it is best to find the clothing on a hanger
-Comfort is in the eye literally.
-Sometimes the mannequin are not bolted to the floor
-Do not run. It is futile
-If something is way out of your league money wise and you really think it is unfair...it is NOT a good idea to wipe your nose in it.

So yeah, because of the above list, I will not be going on any extended trips.

But I guess I could dream that I was going on an extended trip...

*IMAGINATION*
Where would I go....
Europe?
Jamaica?
Chicago?
extended trip...means....a long time....I'll say that I am going to Europe. That way if I get kicked out of one country, I could always flee to another. :)

So if I were going to Europe on an extended trip, the first thing I would pack is a toothbrush and some toothpaste :)

Yum. I can't go without brushing my pearly whites...er....yeah. I hate the feeling of plaque on my teeth. I am always afraid that I feel a cavity starting. All I think about is the plaque eating away at the enamel layer of my teeth.

Second thing I would pack is my glasses/contacts. I am as blind as bat. Maybe that is why I feel the need to touch everything. Subconsciously I think that I will lose my glasses/contacts and will need to rely on touch instead of looks. However, I don't rely on looks as of now anyway so I guess touch would not matter. I have a very bad sense of fashion. Jeans and a t-shirt. Or a regular t-shirt with no words if I am going out. Or a tank top. I am plain Jane when it comes to fashion. Ick. But I digress don't I? Ah, heck, I digress no matter what.

What's next....my camera. Can't go anywhere without my camera. I need to take pictures for you folks :)Shampoo and conditioner. My hair needs to look fab for my mug shots in London when I try to get the guards to smile. I won't moon the guards. I am thinking that I can do other things and the guards will smile. Like, talk to them. Must get lonely not talking to anyone. I'd maybe tell them a story of me doing something completely normal to me but not to them and then I'd see the ole' smile. Then I would run around London screaming "I MADE A GUARD SMILE AND YOU DIDN'T HA!" Then I would flee for Ireland :)

Clothing. I figured for underwear I would bring all my holey pairs. that way I don't have to bring them back. I'll just throw them away. More room for all the rocks I want to bring back. But underwear is expensive! Maybe I should just to a patch job and repack them. Or wash them in the bathtub.

One time when I was in a hotel I thought that it would be a good idea to use the Whirlpool bathtub to wash my clothes. I mean it was better than doing it by hand right? So I turned on the water and used the soap and let me clothes get all bubbly. It was great. Until the nice cleaning lady set out the sign: "Please no soap in the jacuzzi"

Ooops.

I think I'd bring sunglasses too. That way when I watch people, no one knows I am staring at them. Creepy? No, I just would rather look at you when you are knowing that I am. Makes you more uncomfortable? Sorry, I am curious.

I would probably bring my hanky too. That way when I run out of EtOH funds I can set out my hanky and do a dance for some loose change in front of musician or something. Seeing as I am such a poor dancer, I am sure that someone will throw some pity cash/coins my way. I hope. That would rock my world.

What am I forgetting....I forgot. I don't know. I am starting to get tired so I will probably end this here.

Good night all, more brownies await my digestion.

Mags

BTW, Chesty McNuggets and Midnight Prowler, your nicknames make me smile and laugh, gold star to you two. I didn't think I would get names like when I asked for names.

GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!

Hey, do you guys have any questions that you think you'd want me to answer? I'd gladly answer them :)

Would you like some brownies with your workout?

2008-06-10T19:38:00.004-05:00

YES PLEASE!

First random question of the day from blogger:

The love potion you made tastes terrible. How will you drink it?

Hmmmmm. Interesting question. Well I'd first smell it. I mean what if it isn't as terrible as they think? Then I think I'd let it touch my lips. Wait no, if were to touch my lips it might make it harder to drink. I could always mix it with something. However, in school they always told us not to mix medicine with something that might be a favorite drink for a child because then the child won't drink the drink. Seeing that I am pretty much like a child in so many ways I would mix it with beer. I do not like beer. But then, what if it is a contraindication to mix the love potion with the beer. I better just drink it straight. Wait. Do I really need a love potion that tastes terrible? I love people so I do not need any more love. My love grows naturally. Maybe I need a love potion for others to love me?
hmmmm perplexing. I do not think I would want a love potion to make others love me. I would want others to love because I am me. Not because I emit the smell of some nasty tasting love potion. Because soon the love potion will be excreted from my body. Then were would I be? I would have to down another love potion to keep everyone around me. Better to have people like me for who I am. That way when I don't smell good anymore they will still hang around.

Well, I better shot glass that love potion.

I was thinking about my title today. Magpie. How did I come up with that? Well in high school a kid called me Magpie. Then I read what it was. It is a bird. ULTRA COOL! I like birds and how they fly. Sometimes I watch them and think...how cool would it be to fly up there. It would be so awesome to fly away from everything down here sometimes. And then I see one swoop down. And hawks are just totally boss. So huge and majestic! So respected!!! So then I thought I like this name Magpie.

Well today I decided, because I am the nerd I am, I am going to research today on Magpies. So I will compare myself with real life Magpies. NOW TO VENTURE TO THE MOST RELIABLE SITE ON THE PLANET!!! Wikipedia ^.^
By the way: You will get my first thoughts on this pressing issue:
*types in Magpie*
[img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d0/Magpie.arp.750pix.jpg[/img]
What a pretty little bird!!! So cute and cuddly. I am sure that it eats seeds and stuff. So cute ^_^ Looks just like me :)

Magpies are known to steal other young birds, commonly young chickens, away from
their nests.

<_< align="center">Magpie Poem

One for sorrow.

Two for joy.

Three for a letter.

Four for a boy.

Five for silver.

Six for gold.

Seven for a secret never to be told.

Interesting poem...Actually pretty stupid....I wonder what it means...I'll muse over it tonight.

Today I took a three hour test with 180 questions. Not fun. Almost there to that NCLEX exam. wooo for that. I want it to be done. It means my life can go on. Lol.

I guess I have to tie the title into the post. I am craving brownies right now. Madstyle craving. I want some. I want to bake some. However, I want to also lose 10 lbs...:( What to do what to do?

NO PUDGE FUDGE BROWNIES :woot: :drool:

that is what I am going to make....as soon as this thing is published.
I did a workout today called Cardio Max. Worse workout in the world. I stood there...dazed and confused...everyone's spinning around me.

Up the step, down the step, do a twirl. clap your hands. Kick your foot. Flip over your step. Land on your feet. Repeat! GRAPEVINE!! READY? Go.

:blink: :wacko:

Craziness. I could barely focus on what was going on. I was basically going nuts. I was lucky I didn't fall flat on my face on my step. OR miss the step and go falling over. I felt like everyone was watching me. How did everyone get into the hang of things? They were all in sync. I tried to imagine the group of us from outside my body. I almost laughed outloud. However, I do not think my fellow work outers would appreciate me laughing.

Well, I am off to make some brownies. WHO WANTS SOME!!!

Oh and I thought of something that would be cool.

You all should give me topics to talk about. I promise it will be random. and I will always tell about my day which always proves to be a crazy ride lol

I am scheming....I wonder what I should scheme about....I think I'll try and figure out another way to catch a boy besides a love potion and four magpie.

I wonder how for magpies would bring me a boy. :thinking: Maybe they will carry him on a sheet like drag him over...maybe they have to do something pluck his eyes out like cinderella's step sisters. :( I don't think I'd want my boy's eye's plucked out. I hope that they don't do that. I wouldn't want to practice my mad nursing skills on our first date.

Maybe the will chase him like Jesus_lol's picture. He'll be riding a bike and the birds will come up behind him and just chase him. Oooo...that would be disaterous. Knowing me I won't even notice him and then he'll come crashing into me. I think I will stick with being a lone magpie. Mos Def not a sorrowful one. Just me.

Oh and I forgot to use soap in my laundry. I've been doing laundry well over 10 years now. And I forget to add soap. Who does that??? At least I didn't forget the water. There was one time I forgot the water because I didn't turn on the machine. But laundry means folding and folding means work and I have bownies calling me.

I once invented a Wolder. It was a Washing Folding Dryer. It was pretty boss. Too bad it never flew.

Alright, its peanut butter jelly time...or just brownies :)

Mags

PS: to my readers, when you leave a comment could you put your name at the end so that I can see who you are. You can use a fake name if you wish. I just like to put a name instead of anonymous. :)

Mags

First Entry!!!!

2008-06-09T20:45:00.001-05:00

Here is the first entry...

Ready? Go?

This I hope will be fun for all around. Kinda going off my thread. Make it fun. Make it interesting.

Let me introduce you to my head:

It is like a racquet ball court. Only instead of one ball there is more like a million balls. And they are all flying around like flubber. This flubber balls are my ideas, thoughts, musings, et. al.

I use medical terminology and abbrevations A LOT...I use APA format abbreviations in almost everything. What do you expect for it being beat into me for two years? I get excited about everything medical or everything about the human body. It facinates me to no end.

I like stars and looking at them. Usually this brings about deep thoughts for some. For me it is more like, someday I am going to eat one.

I love peeps. Right now I am dying for one. To eat one. To taste the sugary goodness and let it melt into my mouth and then squish in between my teeth...I guess that was a little TMI. I really need to floss after that.

I am a nurse. Not a registered nurse as of yet but soon to be. June 16th is my NCLEX exam. I am trying to think positively about it so that I pass...you know the think system created by Prof. Herald Hill. That was an awesome musical.

I love to be challenged. I usually challenge myself so that I get motivated. Even if that means that I make up challenges for myself. Like, "Betcha you can't run to that sign and back." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah." "Your on!" I win. HA Take that Meg.

GOOD AWESOME NEWS TODAY!!!

So one of my life goals was to get Starbucks to remember my order as I walk in the door. I always thought it was cool that the people knew others drinks.

"Hey! You want the regular?"
"Yep"

Dude, I wanted to be that.

Today, the lady looked at me and said, "Hot brewed...peppermint...room right?" OH MY GOSH I ALMOST DID A JUMPING JACK FOR JOY.

"YES!" I was pretty stoked.

All right, over and out until tomorrow.
Magpie