Lessons and Carols

So this past weekend was Lessons and Carols at my old university. Lessons and Carols consists of nine readings from Scripture about Christ's birth. They are readings from Old Testament and New Testament. After the reading, an appropriate carol is either sung by the choir or played by the band (me) or both. There ya have it, Lessons and Carols.

This got me to thinking, what are my nine personal Lessons and Carols?

Lesson One: Check bathroom signs before entering bathroom.

I don't know what my problem is. Maybe somewhere tucked away in my Id (HI SIGMUND!) I desire male hood. Maybe I just want to see the inside of the boys bathroom...multiple times. Hopefully (and I am betting on this one) I am just too preoccupied with what is going on around me that I just don't look at the signs.

The first time this occurred, I was on a date. I needed to use the restroom and didn't check the sign. Well of course, I come up to the urinals with puzzled bewilderment. Why are these tiny toilets doing in the women's bathroom? I tried to work through this issue, coming up with all sorts of reasons. Finally, I found one. OH! It is for the children when the mom brings them to use the bathroom. Half satisfied with this solution, I head for a stall. I didn't understand it but whatever. It wasn't until I was washing my hands that I realized where I was. The water still running, I look at myself in the mirror with horror in my eyes. It hits me, I am in the wrong bathroom. The door opens and I say the most sincere prayer, "PLEASE don't let this be a man." Sure enough it was and sure enough I was out of that restaurant before anyone knew what had happened.

It happened again after my NCLEX. I think I was just brainwashed at that point. And I didn't enter the full bathroom. Just the threshold. Then I turned around and scared the guy coming in. I had to ride the train home with this complete stranger who now knew me as, Wrong Bathroom Girl. He was cute too. Ultimate loss.

The last time it happened before I learned my lesson, I was in Ireland. The little stick figure had an ivy leave over the person so I thought it was a dress and I thought it was a girl. I did the same time, used the bathroom. It wasn't until I stepped out and faced a row of urinals that I realized what had happened. I shot out of there quicker than a jackrabbit out of a bush of cougars. There's a picture for ya.

Now let everyone stand and sing, "Man! I feel like a woman!"

Lesson Two: Fake Numbers are the way to go.

There was one time that I was out with some friends bar hopping. I was DD because I didn't want to drink. Surprising I know. I had drank way too much the previous night and really didn't want to do a repeat night. So there I would be, taking pints of H2O while my friends drank shots and pints of EtOH. I was approached by multiple people. The first one was someone straight out of Laverne and Shirley.

This is what he looked like:

He gave me some fake line about being a friend to the owner or how the owner owed his buddy money so he was here to help collect it. So how does this coincide with you trying to get my number? Fake line calls for fake number: My number is 630-678-9654.

Next bar some drunk dude starts talking to me.

"Oh hi, what's your name?"

"Magpie"

"Oh, what do you do?"

"I am a nurse."

"Oh, where do you work?"

"Edward"

"OH ME TOO!"

mmmmhhhhmmm, yep you do.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I sell the monitors that you guys use."

"Oh. Ok."

"Yeah, so I just broke up with my fiancee and moved here from New York..."

Oh man, here goes...

"...and I don't know too many people. I am looking for a wholesome girl and you look like a wholesome girl. I can see it in your eyes. Can I have your number?"

Cheesy lines deserve fake numbers: My number is 708-965-6598

Few bars later, my friends and I end up at our last bar.

"You should smile more often. You light up every time you smile. I like it when you smile."

Aw, that is sweet...you are way too old, like 50 year old too old. My number is 633-695-9875

Now let us all stand and sing: "The Call"

Lesson Three: Live in the moment and don't think too much.
Oh man, this is the hardest lesson for me to learn and it is on going. I totally over think EVERYTHING. Like, if I did something that offended someone. Or if I completed everything I was suppose to at work. Or if I really do this or that, I am going to repel people with the weirdness I exude.

STOP!

Stop thinking. If things are meant to go a certain way they are. Otherwise, it is out of your control. Why worry over something you cannot control? You'll kill yourself.

Live for the moment. Do those somersaults. Catch those snow flakes on your tongue. Dance when there is no music. Sing as loud as you can even if you are off key. Smile to those you don't even know. Laugh when there is nothing to laugh at. Go star tipping. If you don't know what that is then look it up. It is these little moments that we will treasure forever. It is these moments we will never forget. They are by far, my favorite moments. I replay them in my head almost constantly.

Now let us sing...er...rap Eminem's Live for the Moment.

Amen. Amen.

Magpie