Oh what to do with the SpectraLink

At work, we have a call system that attaches to the cell phone in our pockets (or often on our desk). So when the patient presses the button to call for assistance then our phone will beep. If the patient would rather call us, they can dial the four digit extension to our phone and we will pick up (most of the time). This glorious (not) tool is called the SpectraLink *spits to the side*.

The SpectraLink is loud, obnoxious, persistent, huge, cumbersome and the list goes on. There are days that the phone is relatively quiet. And then we have those days that the thing does not shut up. Those days I begin to plan evil things to do to said SpectraLink.

1) Toilet time!
Many of the patients use commodes. This is like a portable toilet. It has a toilet seat and then a bucket underneath which the nurse or aide empties. I have often had the desire to "accidentally" dump the thing into a full bucket or urine or stool. Who would want to touch it after that? Unfortunately, my manager would have me dig it out with a glove and wipe it clean. I am not looking to dig in someone else's excrement voluntarily so I will leave that out.

However, I am sure that it will fit down the toilet! I keep mine in my back pocket and it is sooooo easy to have it fall out and into the toilet! *OOPS*! *Flush* *Overflow*













Don't try it at home.

3) Chute! I dropped my phone :saint:
So on every floor is a trash and laundry chute. It is a long way to the bottom from the top floor of the hospital. It is so easy to accidentally bag the phone in a bag of dirty linen or bag of trash and drop the phone to its ultimate death. I often wanted to ride those chutes. I imagined it a couple of times. I'd climb in. Let go of the sides and fall all the way down like a tunneled water slide. Then I hit the bottom. Everything is cushy and soft. And smelly. And poopy. And then I come back to reality as my SpectraLink rings. Thank goodness I didn't follow through on my joy ride.

4) Out the fifth story window.
None of them opened. I tried when I wanted to throw an IV pump out there. Scratch that one.

5) Oh...would you look at that...my phone "died"
There is always the old ploy of having your phone "die". That lasts for maybe .25927 seconds until someone comes to find you and tells you, "Go change your bat-ter-ie, Chile (Child). You don't answer your phone. Den it bod-ders me."

In all cases, I would probably be assigned a new phone which trumps all previous attempts at getting rid of one. AND...I'd have to pay for the one I lost/destroyed/annihilated/dismantled.

Happy Silent Nights with no Phone ringing!
Magpie.