er....men/boys.
1) Say what you mean.
You guys think you will hurt us if you do not tell us what you think we want to hear. Personally, I would rather you tell me that you never want to talk to me again and that you don't think that things will work out rather than never hear from you when I thought that everything was fine. That only leads to me thinking I did something wrong. It leads to wondering. Then you tell us that we over analyze. No, if you just said what you wanted to in the first place and didn't lead us on then we would be fine.
If you did not think the date went well and you did not have fun then say that you don't think it will work out. If you think the date went well and you want to date more and then say that. Do not say the latter for the former just to smooth things over. That just makes matters worse.
2) We hurt.
Get over it. We hurt. We will hurt if you say no. We will hurt if you say yes and then never call us. BUT! we will hurt LESS if you say no in the first place. We can then just move on to the next person. Stringing us along making us think that we did something wrong to cause you not to call back even though you said that you would makes it hurt WORSE. Just be honest with me. I won't cry in front of you. I won't beg you to stay. If one person is not happy in the relationship it just means that life will be hell. So why would I want that? BUT I would love to know the truth. It just makes things much easier than trying to think up the truth because you were fed lies.
3) Don't give us lines.
"You're awesome." "You're a keeper." "My buddies think you are a keeper." I don't care. Don't feed me the lines unless you really want to stay with me...unless you REALLY MEAN IT. And don't use the lines to get a date with me or a second date with me when it will not be any more than that.
Think of it this way, if a girl is fed lines like that on every date they went on and then nothing comes of it, how is that person suppose to know that that the next guy really means it? They don't. So now, the next guy comes along and he really truly means that I am awesome and a keeper and beautiful et. al. I can't believe him.
4) When to kiss.
Do not pity kiss me. Please. I'd rather kiss my rabbit. My rabbit at least will love me and like me the rest of my life. If I kiss you and you don't want me to, just stop me or do not kiss me back. Don't hug me. In fact just don't touch me. I'd be SO much better off knowing that you want nothing to do with me. Again, it is easier to get over.
5) Follow through.
Don't tell me you will do something and not do it. I would rather not hear that you are going to call me, stop by, text me, whatever than hear that you will and be disappointed later. If you say you will call, CALL. If you are busy CALL and say, "I can't talk for long. I just wanted to say hi." WOW. I will say it out loud and time it. "I can't talk for long. I just wanted to say hi." THAT took less than 5 seconds to say. The girl might say in response: "Ok, thanks for calling it made my day. I'll talk to you later. Bye!" That took another 5 seconds. Wait...you mean calling me when you are busy and using those lines will take 10 seconds out of your busy day? Wow. Just shows me that you don't have even 10 seconds to spend on me.
6) We have walls built.
Everyone has walls. They are built for reasons too. Mostly for protection. They are built strong and thick. It takes time to break them down. Do not expect the walls to come tumbling down after the first date, the second date, the first kiss et. al. If you are patient, you will slowly take each brick down until you have full range of the other person's heart. And when you do, be careful with it. You don't want another wall built in your name.
7) Trust is not an overnight thing.
Trust is built as a wall comes down. It takes time. You don't automatically trust every person who asks you out on a date. It just does not happen that way. We see how you act. We test you. When you complete what you say you will do and when you follow through on your lines, our trust builds. We do trust you. But it starts little and it grows. How fast and how big it grows is up to you.
Why am I writing this blog? Because I am sick and tired of men. You are all just not thinking. We feel. We do think about it. Maybe you all can forget about that date that you gave us a kiss but we don't. When you give us nothing to go off of, what do you expect us to do? Forget? No, we think, we wonder, we try to figure out what went wrong. What did we do? "Maybe I shouldn't have let him hold my hand." "Maybe I shouldn't have made that joke." "Maybe it was too soon to tell him my views on this that and the other thing." "Maybe I shouldn't have pulled that joke." "Did he think that I am after something?" "Does he think that I want him to spend tons of money on me?"
I am not high maintenance. I am me. I do not ask for much. I don't want money spent on me. I don't want fancy dinners. I don't want you to take me to far away destinations. I just want someone to be truthful, honest, sincere, and show that they care for me.
Meg
