To prevent tears from spilling forth from my eyeballs I began to think about the other tools in the kitchen that are utilized. Then my thought shifted. What is my favorite kitchen utensil? HEY! BETTER YET!!!!!! What kitchen utensil would I be IF I were a kitchen tool???? Clever eh?
So while we learned about mentors and proteges and mentorees (which I think sounds like manatees which I would rather not be compared to but, meh, it is not my presentation) I began to list out the utensils and think about which one resembles me the most.
Spoon
The curvy spoon. For some reason I think of a spoon as something cuddley. I think because when they sit in the drawer they all nestle together like I do when I curl up in my blankets at night. Maybe because you can't really make a good batch of comfort food like chocolate chip chunk cookies or a cup of delicious steamy, creamy hot chocolate. Mmmmmmm. Well, I guess you can make it with a fork or a potato smasher but it would not be the same. I don't think it will taste right.
Also nothing beats a good wooden spoon. They are sturdy. They are reliable. Some families have a wooden spoon that gets passed on from generation to generation. That is way awesome. They are comfortable to hold. Ever try mixing a stiff batch with a metal spoon? It hurts after a while. Wood is the way to go. Yeppers, good old oak or pine.
Face it spoons are pretty cool. Without a spoon you could not eat soup or oatmeal. I mean you can just drink it up from the bowl but then, at least in today's society, you will look barbaric(don't worry I do it all the time). Not a good first impression if you are trying to make a good first impression.
Plus, they come in every MRE. Actually they are the only utensil that comes in an MRE. I have a ton of MRE spoons. They are that cool.
So, could I be a spoon? I can be part spoon I guess. I am curvy. But something just seems to be missing from a spoon that I couldn't quite pinpoint at the time of my logical thought process. So I moved onto the next utensil
Fork
Forks are pretty awesome, you have to admit. How many people can eat spaghetti without a fork? I would like to see you try! Plus why wouldn't you want to? It is fun to twirl that thing. Admit it. You know you like it.
They also stabilize articles of food. Try stabilizing, using a spoon, a hunk of awesome juicy grilled peppered piece of cow while you cut it. Yeah, not going to happen. Everyone around you will laugh and you are probably not worthy of eating Bessie who died for your meal. (I love beef) Forks. They way to go.
But can I be a fork? Nope. Not prongy enough. Plus forks look mean. I don't think that will work.
Knife
Knives are one of the rare kitchen utensils that can cross into the magical world of the Home Depot cutting aisle. It crosses over into the world of self defense. Knives are not only a kitchen utensil but so much more. You can't cook without a knife. I don't now about you but soup with whole pieces of celery, carrots or onions is not very easy to eat. Presentation is everything. Hunks of food is not easy to eat. It is hard on your stomach. Chunks are no good.
You can't cut with a fork or spoon. It will take you forever. Like that moose on Happy Tree Friends. It took him forever to free himself from under the tree with a spoon. And painfully slow. And you will look stupid.
I am not cunning like a knife. I try not to cut like one. I am not handy like tools. Knives are definitely unrepresentative of me.
So what utensil am I? I had to talk to some friends. Both of them said the same thing right off the bat.....
SPORK
Yeppers, the rare, almighty, unique spork. That is the one. It is odd shaped. It is dually used as a spoon and fork. It is almost human! I am unique and I am just a little weird. I say things that most people don't even think about (although I believe you do, you just don't vocalize it). I am just me. Sporks are just them. Sporks also make people happy. Who picks up a spork and say with fiery anger, "I HATE SPORKS!!!"? Sporks are just cool. People smile with sporks. I am happy. I like to smile. I hope I make other people smile and happy. So in the end, I had no choice but to agree. At last I felt comfortable with my kitchen utensil choice.
I am a spork.
What are you?
Magpie :)
