You know some people are too preoccupied with a zombie attack. There are books, videos, forum threads, great discussions on what to do during a zombie attack. There are even several movies out feeding into this perhaps irrational fear.
I remember watching "Dawn of the Dead" with my ex boyfriend (EBF). Afterwards we had an intelligent conversations.
"If we have a zombie attack, I decided that I'll go over to Gander Mountain."-EBF
"Oh?"-Me
"That way we will have enough ammo and guns to survive the attack. We'll go on the roof and bar the doors."-EBF
"Ok"-Me
"Yeah. I'll pick you up and me and J. (his friend) will protect you."-EBF
"Yeah, ok. I am going to sleep."-Me
"WHAT? Sleep?"-EBF
"Yes. Sleep."-Me
"Why? You'll get attacked!"-EBF
"Why run? Just get eaten, die and then you don't have to deal with it."-Me
Sounded fine to me.
Needless to say, he wasn't too excited with my plan. Neither was is friend whose plan was to head up into the far North of Canada or Alaska where zombies cannot survive. I don't mind cold and snow but there is no way I am going to voluntarily head North for a huge portion of my life. In snow. Sorry. I'll risk the viral laden bite.
My ultimate zombie plan? Stock up on bottles of wine and drink myself into total utter unconsciousness. Then every time I wake up I drink another bottle. Sounds like an excellent plan to me.
Honestly, people, what is the likelihood hat we will be attacked by zombies? There are so many other things that can attack s before zombies.
Black Friday Shoppers: These are not the normal shoppers They are professionals. They are the ones going into every store with 5 shopping bags slung over each shoulder. Not the small normal petite bags but the big 3x1x1 bags that they put maybe MAYBE a pair of jeans or a shirt in each huge bag. On their way in they hit everything and everyone in their mad dash for the clearance racks. EXTRA 75% off, baby!! They are the ones who will fight you to the death over that faux pair of alligator skin mid calf hell boots IN BLACK just because the store only has one size 6.5. I advise you to better protect yourself from these shoppers than zombies. My ultimate Black Friday Shoppers' plan? Sleep. There will be other sales another day.
Politicians: Fear them. They chase after you with a can that has a recycling symbol painted on it screaming "GLOBAL WARMING!" and "OVERPOPULATION!" They will suck your brains out with lies and empty promises. Liberal and Conservative alike, the minute they attack, they all look the same. They will have the same words spill forth from their lips and they will have the same thought on their mind: power. My ultimate Politician attack plan? Riot. Oh yeah...tear gas me baby! I'll be out there on the pickets and the sidelines protesting them. Woot.
Idiots: They are quite annoying. However, you mus be careful when judging idiocy. You do not want to write off the annoying intelligent people because you are being subjective When judging idiocy in the middle of an idiot attack, it is important to remain objective. Idiots are often distinguished from others as having an opinion concerning a topic that they really have no intellectual knowledge about. It is useless really to argue with them. Very rarely will they change their opinion. Instead you will become frustrated and in the end, become an idiot yourself. Aside from being obnoxiously annoying, an idiot attack is not harmful. I would not stand too close though. You might catch their stupid. My ultimate idiot attack plan? Remain above the masses with my beautiful intelligence well intact.
Men: You are especially susceptible if you look like the following: Beyonce, Shakira, Jenifer Love Hewitt, Angelina Jolie or if you are just pretty in general. They will swarm around and attack with lame pick up lines such as: "hi my name is Rick and on the Rick-ter scale you're a 10." or "Are you tired? Because you have been running through my head all day." or...and this tops all: "I am looking for a nice wholesome girl. You like you are wholesome. I can see it in your eyes." Uhhhhhh.....yeah. Some ways to avoid such attacks are: do not shower; look down at the ground at all times (oh hey! a quarter!); do not acknowledge; bite; punch; dress like a nun; and wear a ring on the fourth finger of your left hand. My ultimate Man attack plan?
Ok I actually do not have one. Man attacks actually aides me by providing an array of men to choose from. Like shopping. Black Friday shopping.
So there are certainly more attacks to plan for before you put together our ultimate zombie plan. These attacks are more likely to be realistic than zombies running rampant eating fresh human flesh. Yum. And, if zombies do attack, know that you can always join me in my alcohol induced sleeping. Just bring your own wine.
Over and out,
Meg
In 2009...
I resolve to:
1) Fold my clothes:
Yes, I am just that lazy...er...patient. I wash my clothes. I dry my clothes. But the folding part...well that can wait. I lay my clothes over the rocking chair in my room and walla...perfect until I have to wear them. Then out with the iron to get rid of wrinkles. I hate wrinkles. HATE.
It isn't that I don't like folding. The whole process just takes time. I do not like to take that time to do it. I would rather move onto the more important thing of life like working, taking photos...or blogging.
Ironing, however, is a dangerous task for the Magpie. Yes, if I must Iron I do so. However, I have a problem with Irons and clothing. I tend to burn my clothes. :( It is really not my fault. I start at a low setting. However, someone before me manages to screw up the iron by making it dirty with whatever it is dirty with. So my clothes get this nice brown stain on them. I also have a tendency to use too high a setting for my clothes. There was one time that I was getting ready for a band concert. It was really a special concert considering we were going to a university to play before judges and then have a clinic with the university director. Me being me, I wanted to look my best. So I pulled out my skirt which really didn't need ironing and thought it would be best to iron it. Well, it was a cheaply made skirt that needed a low temperature setting. About an hour before I had to be at the high school with my brother to catch the bus, I put the iron to the black skirt.
SKIIIISSSSSSSS....
Shoot.
Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot.
I tentatively lifted the iron off my only band skirt. Against the stark black was a nice white hole where the ironing board cover peeked through. I stared at it in ghastly wonder. What. The. Heck. Was. I. Going. To. Do. Maybe..just maybe that 3 inch in diameter circle would hide when I put it on. Unfortunately, it did not. In a panic I flew down the stairs. I met my brother at the bottom and he looked at my face a knew something was wrong.
"What happened?"
"Um....I just burned a hole in my skirt."
"WHAT??? How bad is it? Can you hide it?"
I showed him.
"Oh my gosh...what are you going to do?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"You gotta go tell mom."
"Oh man."
Mom sent me right away with dad to get a skirt which we were able to find and still make the bus. Thank goodness.
To avoid any further burning problems, I think it will be wise to fold my clothes. Oh and hang them up. I will probably end up having to iron anyway but hopefully not as much.
Chances that I follow this resolution?
4 in 10 chance.
2) A picture a day
Keeps critics at bay. I guess. Not that I have any critics. Only me. I am my biggest critic. My goal is to become better at my favorite hobby: photography. So I decided to do Mission: 365. It will be a photography project. I need to take one creative picture a day and post it on my flickr account. By the end of the year I will have 365.
Chances that I follow this resolution?
9/10
3) Keep the weight that I lost off
So as I chow down on chips and creamy dip, I write this resolution. At least the chips are mulitgrained. Multigrained? Multigrain? Grain of mulitple proportions? I can no longer make a resolution to lose weight. I have very little weight left to lose. So here I am. I need to KEEP it OFF. Exercise. Eat right. Woot!
Chances that I follow this resolution?
10/10
I never NEVER ever want to be as big as I was. That is for sure.
So in this New Year what do you resolve to do?
Happy New year to all my readers. Hope that you and your family have the best of luck and all that jazz.
Magpie.
1) Fold my clothes:
Yes, I am just that lazy...er...patient. I wash my clothes. I dry my clothes. But the folding part...well that can wait. I lay my clothes over the rocking chair in my room and walla...perfect until I have to wear them. Then out with the iron to get rid of wrinkles. I hate wrinkles. HATE.
It isn't that I don't like folding. The whole process just takes time. I do not like to take that time to do it. I would rather move onto the more important thing of life like working, taking photos...or blogging.
Ironing, however, is a dangerous task for the Magpie. Yes, if I must Iron I do so. However, I have a problem with Irons and clothing. I tend to burn my clothes. :( It is really not my fault. I start at a low setting. However, someone before me manages to screw up the iron by making it dirty with whatever it is dirty with. So my clothes get this nice brown stain on them. I also have a tendency to use too high a setting for my clothes. There was one time that I was getting ready for a band concert. It was really a special concert considering we were going to a university to play before judges and then have a clinic with the university director. Me being me, I wanted to look my best. So I pulled out my skirt which really didn't need ironing and thought it would be best to iron it. Well, it was a cheaply made skirt that needed a low temperature setting. About an hour before I had to be at the high school with my brother to catch the bus, I put the iron to the black skirt.
SKIIIISSSSSSSS....
Shoot.
Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot.
I tentatively lifted the iron off my only band skirt. Against the stark black was a nice white hole where the ironing board cover peeked through. I stared at it in ghastly wonder. What. The. Heck. Was. I. Going. To. Do. Maybe..just maybe that 3 inch in diameter circle would hide when I put it on. Unfortunately, it did not. In a panic I flew down the stairs. I met my brother at the bottom and he looked at my face a knew something was wrong.
"What happened?"
"Um....I just burned a hole in my skirt."
"WHAT??? How bad is it? Can you hide it?"
I showed him.
"Oh my gosh...what are you going to do?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"You gotta go tell mom."
"Oh man."
Mom sent me right away with dad to get a skirt which we were able to find and still make the bus. Thank goodness.
To avoid any further burning problems, I think it will be wise to fold my clothes. Oh and hang them up. I will probably end up having to iron anyway but hopefully not as much.
Chances that I follow this resolution?
4 in 10 chance.
2) A picture a day
Keeps critics at bay. I guess. Not that I have any critics. Only me. I am my biggest critic. My goal is to become better at my favorite hobby: photography. So I decided to do Mission: 365. It will be a photography project. I need to take one creative picture a day and post it on my flickr account. By the end of the year I will have 365.
Chances that I follow this resolution?
9/10
3) Keep the weight that I lost off
So as I chow down on chips and creamy dip, I write this resolution. At least the chips are mulitgrained. Multigrained? Multigrain? Grain of mulitple proportions? I can no longer make a resolution to lose weight. I have very little weight left to lose. So here I am. I need to KEEP it OFF. Exercise. Eat right. Woot!
Chances that I follow this resolution?
10/10
I never NEVER ever want to be as big as I was. That is for sure.
So in this New Year what do you resolve to do?
Happy New year to all my readers. Hope that you and your family have the best of luck and all that jazz.
Magpie.
Matchmaker Matchmaker find me a catch
or.....do it yourself ;)
1) Smile.
Even the ugliest girl in the world lights up when she smiles. Genuine smiles bring twinkles to eyes. And if you walk around randomly smiling imagine the looks you will get! Don't worry, they REALLY aren't thinking, "Wow...she's nuts." "What the heck is she smiling about." They are thinking, "Wow...she's got a great smile." And when the look around they are not trying to find what you are smiling at. They are trying to make sure no one else sees you so that you will be ALL theirs. :D Oh and they are definitely not looking at the strawberry seed stuck in between your two front teeth. Just think of that seed as smile enhancement. Smile on girlfriend!
2) Hair Toss
There is nothing better than a good hair toss. All you have to do is grab a tuft of hair...and then throw it out of your face. Let those locks flow loosely. It will drive a man nuts. Make sure you are grabbing your hair and not his. Oh and if you are grabbing his hair, you are either way too close for a hair toss or you are dating a guy with long hair. If that floats your boat go for it. I am not one for long hair though.
Speaking of long hair, the hair toss is especially effective if you have longer hair. However, do not toss your hair if the guy is two feet behind you and you have three feet of hair. That would make him hate you. No man wants a mouth full of hair. Neither would I. He might take it as a sign that you are telling him he needs more protein. No man wants to know his flaws right off the bat.
If you use Herbal Essence it makes the hair toss more fun. The smell radiates off it and permeates the whole room. I wonder if you drink Herbal Essence it will have the same effect...
3) Talk to him
It's ok. He won't bite. I promise. He looks scary. He looks like he will break you in half....with his eyes....but he can't. That would be unlawful. He'd go to jail. And if he is a good guy, he will be all for staying out of jail. Don't shake. If you start to shake your whole body will shake and then your voice will shake and then it will break and he will think you are singing to him. Just make little bits of eye contact and talk. Focus on him. Join in. Don't stutter. No one will understand a word you said.
Keep your knees loose...you don't want to faint. Do some random knee bends before talking to him. That is good. Pick up an invisible pen off the floor. Then go up and talk to him.
If you say something stupid...laugh...chances are he is not walking away thinking, "Wow...that was the worst conversation in the world." It is more like, "She can laugh at herself. That is self confidence."
Remember....breath...air is a good thing. Oxygen is your friend. Wait...slow down your breathing. Don't hyperventilate. You'll faint. Then they will take you to the ER and you will wake up fine. And then you REALLY feel like an idiot.
4) BEEEEEEEEEEEEE yourself.
Honestly, ladies, do you really want to act like someone else for someone you like? Sure he might like you back but he really not like you. He will like the fake you. Then you have to act the whole time you are with him. It is way too much work. Hey if you are up for the challenge I guess you can go for it. I am lazy. I want the guy to like me for me. He doesn't have to like EVERYTHING about me. I am annoying. Everyone is to some extent. You get over it though.
Plus, do you really want to end up in a psych ward for something that you really don't have? If you end up suddenly changing from fake girl to real girl then you might be put there for sudden altered mental status, drug detox or sudden personality change.
5) Blushing is ok.
Girl, that is a natural response. Don't comment on it. It will make you redder. Oh and if someone else mentions it don't dwell on it. Oh and don't lie...it is blushing...you did not get wind burn when the wind is blowing at negative 12 MPH outside. Just blush and be down with it. Try not to think about it. It will make you embarrassed and then you won't focus on the task at hand....interaction. DO NOT and I mean DO NOT tell him you are blushing. That is awkward. Furthermore, do not excuse yourself from interaction. Blushing is not an excuse. Your face starting on fire is an excuse. Blushing is not. Play it cool. Continue interaction. Then when the interaction is over, go hide.
6) Have fun
It is not everyday that you get to have your heart flutter and your knees quake. Butterflies in your stomach is an awesome feeling. Let it happen. Enjoy it. It is awesome. Even if it doesn't work out in the end, it was fun right?
Ok, so if it doesn't work out you are crushed and yeah it hurts. But it is ok. That is why it is called a crush right? There are like...a bazillion guys out there. Someone is bound to turn up and your crushing will start all over again.
So here's meeting people and trying out the techniques. Don't worry, I have tested them and they all work without fail.
Ok, actually I lied. I have not tested them. But nothing is saying that you can't! GO FOR IT! WOOO!! In any situation, happy dating. Go get 'em tiger...and all that jazz.
Till next time,
Magpie
1) Smile.
Even the ugliest girl in the world lights up when she smiles. Genuine smiles bring twinkles to eyes. And if you walk around randomly smiling imagine the looks you will get! Don't worry, they REALLY aren't thinking, "Wow...she's nuts." "What the heck is she smiling about." They are thinking, "Wow...she's got a great smile." And when the look around they are not trying to find what you are smiling at. They are trying to make sure no one else sees you so that you will be ALL theirs. :D Oh and they are definitely not looking at the strawberry seed stuck in between your two front teeth. Just think of that seed as smile enhancement. Smile on girlfriend!
2) Hair Toss
There is nothing better than a good hair toss. All you have to do is grab a tuft of hair...and then throw it out of your face. Let those locks flow loosely. It will drive a man nuts. Make sure you are grabbing your hair and not his. Oh and if you are grabbing his hair, you are either way too close for a hair toss or you are dating a guy with long hair. If that floats your boat go for it. I am not one for long hair though.
Speaking of long hair, the hair toss is especially effective if you have longer hair. However, do not toss your hair if the guy is two feet behind you and you have three feet of hair. That would make him hate you. No man wants a mouth full of hair. Neither would I. He might take it as a sign that you are telling him he needs more protein. No man wants to know his flaws right off the bat.
If you use Herbal Essence it makes the hair toss more fun. The smell radiates off it and permeates the whole room. I wonder if you drink Herbal Essence it will have the same effect...
3) Talk to him
It's ok. He won't bite. I promise. He looks scary. He looks like he will break you in half....with his eyes....but he can't. That would be unlawful. He'd go to jail. And if he is a good guy, he will be all for staying out of jail. Don't shake. If you start to shake your whole body will shake and then your voice will shake and then it will break and he will think you are singing to him. Just make little bits of eye contact and talk. Focus on him. Join in. Don't stutter. No one will understand a word you said.
Keep your knees loose...you don't want to faint. Do some random knee bends before talking to him. That is good. Pick up an invisible pen off the floor. Then go up and talk to him.
If you say something stupid...laugh...chances are he is not walking away thinking, "Wow...that was the worst conversation in the world." It is more like, "She can laugh at herself. That is self confidence."
Remember....breath...air is a good thing. Oxygen is your friend. Wait...slow down your breathing. Don't hyperventilate. You'll faint. Then they will take you to the ER and you will wake up fine. And then you REALLY feel like an idiot.
4) BEEEEEEEEEEEEE yourself.
Honestly, ladies, do you really want to act like someone else for someone you like? Sure he might like you back but he really not like you. He will like the fake you. Then you have to act the whole time you are with him. It is way too much work. Hey if you are up for the challenge I guess you can go for it. I am lazy. I want the guy to like me for me. He doesn't have to like EVERYTHING about me. I am annoying. Everyone is to some extent. You get over it though.
Plus, do you really want to end up in a psych ward for something that you really don't have? If you end up suddenly changing from fake girl to real girl then you might be put there for sudden altered mental status, drug detox or sudden personality change.
5) Blushing is ok.
Girl, that is a natural response. Don't comment on it. It will make you redder. Oh and if someone else mentions it don't dwell on it. Oh and don't lie...it is blushing...you did not get wind burn when the wind is blowing at negative 12 MPH outside. Just blush and be down with it. Try not to think about it. It will make you embarrassed and then you won't focus on the task at hand....interaction. DO NOT and I mean DO NOT tell him you are blushing. That is awkward. Furthermore, do not excuse yourself from interaction. Blushing is not an excuse. Your face starting on fire is an excuse. Blushing is not. Play it cool. Continue interaction. Then when the interaction is over, go hide.
6) Have fun
It is not everyday that you get to have your heart flutter and your knees quake. Butterflies in your stomach is an awesome feeling. Let it happen. Enjoy it. It is awesome. Even if it doesn't work out in the end, it was fun right?
Ok, so if it doesn't work out you are crushed and yeah it hurts. But it is ok. That is why it is called a crush right? There are like...a bazillion guys out there. Someone is bound to turn up and your crushing will start all over again.
So here's meeting people and trying out the techniques. Don't worry, I have tested them and they all work without fail.
Ok, actually I lied. I have not tested them. But nothing is saying that you can't! GO FOR IT! WOOO!! In any situation, happy dating. Go get 'em tiger...and all that jazz.
Till next time,
Magpie
Now class...what did you learn today?
Well this week was lesson week for Magpie.
1) Your car is not a safety zone.
You are not invisible in your car. I can see you pick your nose. That is just disgusting. Don't do that. Singing and dancing will provide entertainment not only for you but to other drivers around you. When you act like a rockstar in the car, everyone sees you. They do not think you are a rockstar. They think that you are crazy. But that is ok, we all know that you are not crazy. Well maybe a little. At least you are not THAT crazy. If you dance just be aware that you will get some interesing stares from your neighboring drivers. However, don't let that bother you. Dance on, Queen, dance on. They will never forget you even if you don't know them. Nice, huh? Maybe in a way you are a rockstar.
2) Water is an important entity to life.
Skimping on your water for a week is not a good idea. You will be all shirveled and gross feeling. You lips will be ready to fall off. Trying to catch up by bolus dosing yourself with 2-3 liters a day is also not good. You will be spending most of your time trying to find the nearest bathroom because you kidneys are really going to kick in. You will float away. Yeah, hypothetically not literally but you get the picture.
Water is also very important for bathing. Perfume and body spray can only cover up so many days worth of filth before you actually need to shower. Soap is useless without water. I suggest lathering up with plenty of water. Mind you I didn't put this to the test but I could mention a list of people who really need to recognize this fact.
3) Remember your parking spot.
Ok this wasn't from this past week but it is still an important lesson yet for me to learn. It is important to look competent when at your workplace. Especially if the workplace involves the lives of human beings. Losing your car in a 4 level small parking garage is not very encouraging to the people around you. Furthermore, when you still cannot find you car after covering the levels of the parking garage you really should sit down and think. When you finally find your car, it is important to note where the exit is. It really looks stupid if you go in a circle on yellow level three times because you cannot find the exit on blue level. Also, how you end up exiting on green level one floor beneath blue level is beyond me but good job. If anyone catches you, it is good to laugh it off. It will just put them at a little more ease when they see you walk into their room with an angiocath to start their IV.
4) Frozen Water is not an important entity to life.
In fact, it can be downright detrimental. The fact that you slipped once on a thin sheet of invisible ice just might be a hint or warning sign that you should slow down. I am sure that you do not want to land on your butt...twice. Instead, take it slow. People are watching you even when you don't realize it. It is better to be slow and sure rather than make a complete fool out of yourself and slip...twice.
1) Your car is not a safety zone.
You are not invisible in your car. I can see you pick your nose. That is just disgusting. Don't do that. Singing and dancing will provide entertainment not only for you but to other drivers around you. When you act like a rockstar in the car, everyone sees you. They do not think you are a rockstar. They think that you are crazy. But that is ok, we all know that you are not crazy. Well maybe a little. At least you are not THAT crazy. If you dance just be aware that you will get some interesing stares from your neighboring drivers. However, don't let that bother you. Dance on, Queen, dance on. They will never forget you even if you don't know them. Nice, huh? Maybe in a way you are a rockstar.
2) Water is an important entity to life.
Skimping on your water for a week is not a good idea. You will be all shirveled and gross feeling. You lips will be ready to fall off. Trying to catch up by bolus dosing yourself with 2-3 liters a day is also not good. You will be spending most of your time trying to find the nearest bathroom because you kidneys are really going to kick in. You will float away. Yeah, hypothetically not literally but you get the picture.
Water is also very important for bathing. Perfume and body spray can only cover up so many days worth of filth before you actually need to shower. Soap is useless without water. I suggest lathering up with plenty of water. Mind you I didn't put this to the test but I could mention a list of people who really need to recognize this fact.
3) Remember your parking spot.
Ok this wasn't from this past week but it is still an important lesson yet for me to learn. It is important to look competent when at your workplace. Especially if the workplace involves the lives of human beings. Losing your car in a 4 level small parking garage is not very encouraging to the people around you. Furthermore, when you still cannot find you car after covering the levels of the parking garage you really should sit down and think. When you finally find your car, it is important to note where the exit is. It really looks stupid if you go in a circle on yellow level three times because you cannot find the exit on blue level. Also, how you end up exiting on green level one floor beneath blue level is beyond me but good job. If anyone catches you, it is good to laugh it off. It will just put them at a little more ease when they see you walk into their room with an angiocath to start their IV.
4) Frozen Water is not an important entity to life.
In fact, it can be downright detrimental. The fact that you slipped once on a thin sheet of invisible ice just might be a hint or warning sign that you should slow down. I am sure that you do not want to land on your butt...twice. Instead, take it slow. People are watching you even when you don't realize it. It is better to be slow and sure rather than make a complete fool out of yourself and slip...twice.
5) Chocolate is really not that great.
Ok, this is not true. There is no way that this can be true. No way. Chocolate is totally awesome! It makes your brain think, it is rich in antioxidants. Chocolate is really great.
6) Chocolate is really great.
Oh....yeah.....:cool:
7) Parting on the right rather than the left produces better results.
One side of my head looks better than the other. It is just the way that I have to use my hands to style my hair. The right side is more awkward to manipulate. So the less hair to work with on that side is easier to deal with rather than have a whole bunch of hair. The left side is easier so if I do everything for that side then everything will be a-ok.
NEW TOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeppers Yeppers!!!!
Magpie's got some new toys :D :D :D
Two new lenses, an IR filter and a new camera bag :D
Woot
Magpie
Magpie's got some new toys :D :D :D
Two new lenses, an IR filter and a new camera bag :D
Woot
Magpie
Help me! I can't find my car!
I have always had hand me down cars. Not that anything was bad with that. I quite enjoyed it. Actually each car I have holds a special place in my heart. ^.^ I know...I am weird. However, they do. They each had something special about them. And I have so many memories of them.
My first car was a Tempo. It was tan and it was from my Great Uncle. It was my very first car. It was so old school. It had the seat belts that would slide across you at the top and then you had to buckle the bottom. The rear view mirror had come off and the air conditioning went out. It was older so things happen. I took my driver's test in that car. My driver's test...was not so great. Don't get me wrong. My driving is fine. The day of, my dad put the rear view mirror back on.
"Now, sit down so that you can adjust it."-Dad
"ok" *Adjusts mirror*
"Ok, now don't touch it again when you get in the car because it might fall off again."-Dad
"Ok."
Oh so ghetto.... :)
I got to the driver's facility thingy and I waited in line. There were several people doing the driver's exam at that time. Of course, I get the crabby one. We get into the car and I start it.
"Ok, I am in. Let's get the air conditioning going in here or something." She rudely demands.
"I am sorry, there is no air conditioning."
"Yeah there is, right there."
"It does not work."
"Are you kidding? *irritated sigh* Fine let's just get this over with."
Luckily little words were said and I passed my driver's exam. YAY! MAGPIE CAN DRIVE!
Unfortunately for the car, the speedometer broke a couple of months later. Then the engine went. :( We got rid of my precious first car. My only living object left is a leather key chain that was on the key ring to the car.
My second car was a hand me down from my grandpa. It was a Buick Roadmaster. Yes, it was a huge station wagon, maroon with wood paneling. My grandpa could not drive anymore. I had the privelege of driving his car. My grandpa was really into cars. He had two model A's. He really loved this station wagon too. It was his pet. When he learned that I would be getting his car, he pulled me over to the window and said, "Magpie, that car is a great car. Even when everything else in this world let's you down, that car will not. That car is you best friend." Well, the Roadmaster became oadmaster on one side and Roadmaste on the other. The speedometer gave out. The gas gauge went, the rubber siding came off, the pastic door part flew off, and then the transitor went out. Finally, after the front emblem was pulled off, it died. It drove like a tank, looked like a boat but was my companion for so long.
deceit
I even had my first ticket in that car. The speedometer broke and I couldn't tell my speed. I was in the dark, no one was around me so I couldn't gauge my speed. A cop pulled me over. :( It was not a happy day for me.
*sirens*
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No officer. I have no speedometer. It is broken."
*insert tears here*
"Uh...you should really get that fixed."
"Yes, my dad and I are going to work on it."
"Yeah....here is your ticket."
So after a great deal of embarrassment, I managed to pay the ticket, take the class and now I have a clean record. By the way, crying does not help.
That car was really an awesome car. Honestly, how many people in the world own a maroon Roadmaster with wood paneling? No one.
Yep that car was awesome. My grandpa was really into cars. He had two model A's. He really loved this Station wagon too. When he learned that I would be getting his car, he pulled me over to the window and said, "Magpie, that car is a great car. Even when everything else in this world let's you down, that car will not. That car is you best friend."
Well, the rubber siding came off, and the door part came off, and the speedometer broke, the gas gauge broke, and then transmission gave out...oh that is a funny story.
Well, almost no one. There was this time when I went to school and parked in the same parking lot I had for the past few years. I go to class, come back to leave for home and try to open the car door. Now I never locked my car doors. That was jut how I rolled. In fact, I would love to see someone try to steal anything out of that car or steal the car itself. Honestly, there was nothing in there. Anyway, the car was locked. What the heck? So I pull out my keys and go to unlock the car door. It was not opening. So here I am with my arms full of books trying to open my car and the car was not opening. As I am struggling with the task at hand I look up and see another station wagon like mine: maroon, wood paneling, everything. I look at the car before me. It too was maroon, had wood paneling....only it was clean inside. And it had the full Roadmaster on the side rather than oadmaster like mine. Oh and it had the front emblem on it too...mind didn't. Slowly I withdrew my key from the door and backed up away from the vehicle. I think briskly walked over to my station wagon and jumped in. How embarrassing...
That was really the only time I "lost" a car until recently. I now own a Scion TC in sizzling crimson...:cool: Very awesome...very sleek....very.....Magpie. Well the other day was a late night at work. It was not the best of days and I was ready and dying to get home. So I usually park on the blue level of the parking garage. I walk there dead tired and look around. My TC is nowhere to be seen. "Oh, I parked on yellow today." I thought to myself and I went back to the stairwell and walked up to yellow level. I came out and walked around the whole yellow level. Still no TC. So I go back to the stairwell and go up to red level which is the roof. I stopped. No, I know I didn't park on the roof. I would have know if I parked on the roof. So down to yellow level I go. I was so confused. How do I lose a vehicle that cost me an arm and a leg and is bigger than any other object I own?
Once on yellow level I walk out and begin to walk the whole garage. I meet one of the residents who is just getting off her shift.
"Hi." I said to the resident.
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Ok, I am looking for my car....again."
"Oh....maybe you should call security."
"Oh no no no....I don't want to do that. It is here somewhere. I will find it."
"Um...ok...." the resident laughed. She is cool.
So off to her car she goes and embarrassed Magpie roams the empty cold dark parking garage in search for her car. Well not dark. It is will lit. Anyway, I finally found my car. It was on the up ramp going to the yellow level.
I am relieved that I found my car. I get in turn it on and start to drive toward the exit. Yet the exit is not there. So around I go. I thought I went up. Instead I went in one big circle. Again, no exist.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I yelled in my car as I stood at a stop in the garage. I regained my composure and pressed the gas pedal once again. I made carefully sure that I was truly going the right way this time. Down the ramp I went and made my way out of the garage....it was the wrong exist but at least I got out...alive.
Magpie
My first car was a Tempo. It was tan and it was from my Great Uncle. It was my very first car. It was so old school. It had the seat belts that would slide across you at the top and then you had to buckle the bottom. The rear view mirror had come off and the air conditioning went out. It was older so things happen. I took my driver's test in that car. My driver's test...was not so great. Don't get me wrong. My driving is fine. The day of, my dad put the rear view mirror back on.
"Now, sit down so that you can adjust it."-Dad
"ok" *Adjusts mirror*
"Ok, now don't touch it again when you get in the car because it might fall off again."-Dad
"Ok."
Oh so ghetto.... :)
I got to the driver's facility thingy and I waited in line. There were several people doing the driver's exam at that time. Of course, I get the crabby one. We get into the car and I start it.
"Ok, I am in. Let's get the air conditioning going in here or something." She rudely demands.
"I am sorry, there is no air conditioning."
"Yeah there is, right there."
"It does not work."
"Are you kidding? *irritated sigh* Fine let's just get this over with."
Luckily little words were said and I passed my driver's exam. YAY! MAGPIE CAN DRIVE!
Unfortunately for the car, the speedometer broke a couple of months later. Then the engine went. :( We got rid of my precious first car. My only living object left is a leather key chain that was on the key ring to the car.
My second car was a hand me down from my grandpa. It was a Buick Roadmaster. Yes, it was a huge station wagon, maroon with wood paneling. My grandpa could not drive anymore. I had the privelege of driving his car. My grandpa was really into cars. He had two model A's. He really loved this station wagon too. It was his pet. When he learned that I would be getting his car, he pulled me over to the window and said, "Magpie, that car is a great car. Even when everything else in this world let's you down, that car will not. That car is you best friend." Well, the Roadmaster became oadmaster on one side and Roadmaste on the other. The speedometer gave out. The gas gauge went, the rubber siding came off, the pastic door part flew off, and then the transitor went out. Finally, after the front emblem was pulled off, it died. It drove like a tank, looked like a boat but was my companion for so long.
deceit
I even had my first ticket in that car. The speedometer broke and I couldn't tell my speed. I was in the dark, no one was around me so I couldn't gauge my speed. A cop pulled me over. :( It was not a happy day for me.
*sirens*
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No officer. I have no speedometer. It is broken."
*insert tears here*
"Uh...you should really get that fixed."
"Yes, my dad and I are going to work on it."
"Yeah....here is your ticket."
So after a great deal of embarrassment, I managed to pay the ticket, take the class and now I have a clean record. By the way, crying does not help.
That car was really an awesome car. Honestly, how many people in the world own a maroon Roadmaster with wood paneling? No one.
Yep that car was awesome. My grandpa was really into cars. He had two model A's. He really loved this Station wagon too. When he learned that I would be getting his car, he pulled me over to the window and said, "Magpie, that car is a great car. Even when everything else in this world let's you down, that car will not. That car is you best friend."
Well, the rubber siding came off, and the door part came off, and the speedometer broke, the gas gauge broke, and then transmission gave out...oh that is a funny story.
Well, almost no one. There was this time when I went to school and parked in the same parking lot I had for the past few years. I go to class, come back to leave for home and try to open the car door. Now I never locked my car doors. That was jut how I rolled. In fact, I would love to see someone try to steal anything out of that car or steal the car itself. Honestly, there was nothing in there. Anyway, the car was locked. What the heck? So I pull out my keys and go to unlock the car door. It was not opening. So here I am with my arms full of books trying to open my car and the car was not opening. As I am struggling with the task at hand I look up and see another station wagon like mine: maroon, wood paneling, everything. I look at the car before me. It too was maroon, had wood paneling....only it was clean inside. And it had the full Roadmaster on the side rather than oadmaster like mine. Oh and it had the front emblem on it too...mind didn't. Slowly I withdrew my key from the door and backed up away from the vehicle. I think briskly walked over to my station wagon and jumped in. How embarrassing...
That was really the only time I "lost" a car until recently. I now own a Scion TC in sizzling crimson...:cool: Very awesome...very sleek....very.....Magpie. Well the other day was a late night at work. It was not the best of days and I was ready and dying to get home. So I usually park on the blue level of the parking garage. I walk there dead tired and look around. My TC is nowhere to be seen. "Oh, I parked on yellow today." I thought to myself and I went back to the stairwell and walked up to yellow level. I came out and walked around the whole yellow level. Still no TC. So I go back to the stairwell and go up to red level which is the roof. I stopped. No, I know I didn't park on the roof. I would have know if I parked on the roof. So down to yellow level I go. I was so confused. How do I lose a vehicle that cost me an arm and a leg and is bigger than any other object I own?
Once on yellow level I walk out and begin to walk the whole garage. I meet one of the residents who is just getting off her shift.
"Hi." I said to the resident.
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Ok, I am looking for my car....again."
"Oh....maybe you should call security."
"Oh no no no....I don't want to do that. It is here somewhere. I will find it."
"Um...ok...." the resident laughed. She is cool.
So off to her car she goes and embarrassed Magpie roams the empty cold dark parking garage in search for her car. Well not dark. It is will lit. Anyway, I finally found my car. It was on the up ramp going to the yellow level.
I am relieved that I found my car. I get in turn it on and start to drive toward the exit. Yet the exit is not there. So around I go. I thought I went up. Instead I went in one big circle. Again, no exist.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I yelled in my car as I stood at a stop in the garage. I regained my composure and pressed the gas pedal once again. I made carefully sure that I was truly going the right way this time. Down the ramp I went and made my way out of the garage....it was the wrong exist but at least I got out...alive.
Magpie
No White Wedding for a Magpie
"What did you dress like before you were married?"
"...I'm.....not married."
"Oh....I thought you were married and had kids."
"Nope. Not married. No kids."
"Oh because sometimes you have food on your shirt and I thought it was from the kids."
So if there is anything like oil and water it is Magpie and white. Funny considering the profession I chose: nursing. I seem to always mess up my white clothing.
For the past two times that I wore white pants to work, it rained. Yes, full out downpour. Both days I attempted to bring my car in as well to have a look over and check up. You know that cars need doctor appointments too. So the first time I was too late. If I had gone through with my car's check up, I would have been late for work. So I drove off and went to grab something to eat before work. I went to Potbelly's and then drove by a Starbucks.
Now, if you read the previous thread concerning coffee you will know my addiction to the black drink which one can consider a very sad one at that. Anyways, I digress, I was walking normally, not noticing the fact that there was a nice puddle in front of me. I had one goal in mind. Grab my fix for the day and head to work. My mind was focused on the task at hand. I tend to walk fast no matter where I am. Thus my steps are usually broad and my feet tend to plop at times onto the ground. One step, two step, three step...SPLASH! My pants became soaked from my foot to my knee. I stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Rain was pouring down on my head because I am just that anti-umbrella. So basically as I stood there I was becoming more and more wet. Aw, Man! What was I going to do. There was no time for me to go back home to change my pants so I was going to have to stick it out. No worries, I still get my fix!!! I ordered my coffee and went to work. I did have a huge splash mark on my pants though. It did dry....eventually.
The next week, I again attempted to bring my car to get it looked at. This time I got out early enough in order to have it looked at. On the way to work, I had a few minutes so I stopped at DSW. Again, parking lot. Again, rain. Again, puddles. THIS time....I was more careful at what I was doing. Unfortunately, the bottom of my pants and the fronts were spotted with rain marks. Nice. At least my car is healthy and I have a new pair of nice Mudd heel Mary Janes. Nice. :)
Yesterday....not a good day for the Mags. I decided that I was going to make a pretty day out of it. I put my white scrub top on and my pink pants to match. I walked out the door. I got into my car. Everything was great until I went to get my fix. This time I went to Dunkin' Donuts. Coconut coffee with cream and sugar. MMMMmmmmmm oh oh oh sooo sooo soooo good!!! I drank it the whole way. I enjoyed the creamy sensation as it slide across my tongue and down my throat. I took the cup from my relaxed face to notice that there were drips on the edge of the cup. I didn't think of it. I took another gulp and again, drips. What was this about. Then my mad critical thinking skills came into play. I just dumped coffee on myself. Twice. I look down and on my white top are three large and totally out there spots of brown. So Magpie took an unannounced unplanned trip to the Walgreens store to pick up Tide Marker Spot cleaner and also Shout Wipes. Knowing myself for the past 24 years made me think that two products might just be better than one. Luckily the Tide Marker to Go helped a great deal and my scrub top was white. Well, it was almost white. It has some pen marks on it from the pen being my pocket. I guess I should bleach it. It might help a bit. Oh and it seems to be a little less white since I've been wearing it. Maybe bleach is in the order next time I wash it.
So I am seeing a pattern. Can you? White and I just don't get along. It is nothing against white. I love the fact that it looks clean and pure. However, after I wear it, I ruin the pureness and whiteness and beauty. So I decided that white and I will never be. It is something that I have come to terms with. I began to mourn the fact that I and white will never be the team that I wish to be.
This is will make my wedding day quite difficult. During my short period of mourning, I realized that my wedding day will be quite difficult.
I get all dressed up in my white. The dress probably looks great.....or ridiculous. I haven't really put that much thought into it. Anyway, it is white. So I have this white dress and I am wearing it. I decide before the ceremony that I am hungry. Being my wedding day and it has to be the best day ever, I want a hot dog with mustard and relish. My mom will speak words of wisdom to me which of course, me being stubborn I do not listen. So to compromise, my mom attempts to speak wise words to me again: "Wear at least a napkin or an apron." I comply resorting to only a thin flimsy napkin. Of course my wedding gown is to the floor. I think. Well, anyway, the mustard spill onto the hem of the skirt. Which of course is decorated because it has to be. I think. In mad rush everyone attempts to use everything under the sun to clean up the bright yellow spot on the bottom of the dress.
"HURRY GET THE EMERGENCY PACK OF SHOUT WIPES!!"
"NO NO NO!!! THOSE WILL JUST SMEAR THE MUSTARD!!!"
"USE THE TIDE MARKER!!!! IT WORKED ON THE ARMY MAN'S SHIRT IN THE COMMERCIAL!!!!!"
"HYDROGEN PEROXIDE!!!!"
*silence*
*crickets*
"We don't have hydrogen peroxide....."
"oh...."
Ok, so the mustard gets a good Polish lick to the napkin and futile wipe attempt.
The organ music starts and everyone rushes to the back of the church. For some reason my shoe insists on sticking to the bottom back of the dress. I have no idea why. Soon the whole train is wrapped around my right leg and I go down. Veil flying, flowers crushed, I land smack down on my face. Dad, laughing, helps me up. We both notice that my shoe had a wad of gum on it that is now firmly attached to the train. Unknowingly to the tragedy that occurred, everyone lines up and one by one they make their way down the center aisle to the front.
I stand up next to Dad, crushed flowers in tow, and begin my own journey. My white dress is now slightly dirty from the fall, the flowers are bent up, a yellow mustard stain on the hem and now the middle carpet thing that was rolled out is stuck to the gum. It is pulled behind me as I travel to the front of the church. Everyone looks in horror at the trailing carpet. I don't even recognize it. I am just all smiles because I am so excited. So I make it to the front and the ceremony goes as planned. Well, except the face of my fiance. I didn't really expect to see that sort of look on his face. I can understand a look of fear, a look of joy, but honestly, the look of repulsion is too much to take.
However, the pre-wedding events are nothing compared to the reception. The reception does not go well. Food is a huge hit with Magpie. Of course, it must be a Polish/Irish wedding so we will have Guinness and spaghetti. And Perogis. Can't forget that. So I am sitting and eating. Again, mom, who is the intelligent one of the family, strongly suggests that I wear an apron. I decline saying that I don't want to embarrass myself in front of the family. I begin to swirl the creamy goodness on my fork only to realize that in the process, the sauce has splashed all over the bodice of my dress. No worries, maybe someone will think that I spray painted the front of my dress with red splatters. Makes perfect sense to me.
"Magpie," my new spouse says to me, "What did you do to the front of your dress?"
My brother just sits there and shakes his head.
"I think it is spaghetti..." I respond
So white is just not my friend. Although I do wear some white tops. I actually have three. I feel sorry for those tops. As far as my wedding maybe I should reconsider the whole white wedding dress. Not that I considered it in the first place. But seeing my current relationship with white clothing, maybe I should get something like, red, or blue, or black or purple. Purple is good. Purple it is. Purple wedding dress for Magpie.
Magpie.
"...I'm.....not married."
"Oh....I thought you were married and had kids."
"Nope. Not married. No kids."
"Oh because sometimes you have food on your shirt and I thought it was from the kids."
So if there is anything like oil and water it is Magpie and white. Funny considering the profession I chose: nursing. I seem to always mess up my white clothing.
For the past two times that I wore white pants to work, it rained. Yes, full out downpour. Both days I attempted to bring my car in as well to have a look over and check up. You know that cars need doctor appointments too. So the first time I was too late. If I had gone through with my car's check up, I would have been late for work. So I drove off and went to grab something to eat before work. I went to Potbelly's and then drove by a Starbucks.
Now, if you read the previous thread concerning coffee you will know my addiction to the black drink which one can consider a very sad one at that. Anyways, I digress, I was walking normally, not noticing the fact that there was a nice puddle in front of me. I had one goal in mind. Grab my fix for the day and head to work. My mind was focused on the task at hand. I tend to walk fast no matter where I am. Thus my steps are usually broad and my feet tend to plop at times onto the ground. One step, two step, three step...SPLASH! My pants became soaked from my foot to my knee. I stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Rain was pouring down on my head because I am just that anti-umbrella. So basically as I stood there I was becoming more and more wet. Aw, Man! What was I going to do. There was no time for me to go back home to change my pants so I was going to have to stick it out. No worries, I still get my fix!!! I ordered my coffee and went to work. I did have a huge splash mark on my pants though. It did dry....eventually.
The next week, I again attempted to bring my car to get it looked at. This time I got out early enough in order to have it looked at. On the way to work, I had a few minutes so I stopped at DSW. Again, parking lot. Again, rain. Again, puddles. THIS time....I was more careful at what I was doing. Unfortunately, the bottom of my pants and the fronts were spotted with rain marks. Nice. At least my car is healthy and I have a new pair of nice Mudd heel Mary Janes. Nice. :)
Yesterday....not a good day for the Mags. I decided that I was going to make a pretty day out of it. I put my white scrub top on and my pink pants to match. I walked out the door. I got into my car. Everything was great until I went to get my fix. This time I went to Dunkin' Donuts. Coconut coffee with cream and sugar. MMMMmmmmmm oh oh oh sooo sooo soooo good!!! I drank it the whole way. I enjoyed the creamy sensation as it slide across my tongue and down my throat. I took the cup from my relaxed face to notice that there were drips on the edge of the cup. I didn't think of it. I took another gulp and again, drips. What was this about. Then my mad critical thinking skills came into play. I just dumped coffee on myself. Twice. I look down and on my white top are three large and totally out there spots of brown. So Magpie took an unannounced unplanned trip to the Walgreens store to pick up Tide Marker Spot cleaner and also Shout Wipes. Knowing myself for the past 24 years made me think that two products might just be better than one. Luckily the Tide Marker to Go helped a great deal and my scrub top was white. Well, it was almost white. It has some pen marks on it from the pen being my pocket. I guess I should bleach it. It might help a bit. Oh and it seems to be a little less white since I've been wearing it. Maybe bleach is in the order next time I wash it.
So I am seeing a pattern. Can you? White and I just don't get along. It is nothing against white. I love the fact that it looks clean and pure. However, after I wear it, I ruin the pureness and whiteness and beauty. So I decided that white and I will never be. It is something that I have come to terms with. I began to mourn the fact that I and white will never be the team that I wish to be.
This is will make my wedding day quite difficult. During my short period of mourning, I realized that my wedding day will be quite difficult.
I get all dressed up in my white. The dress probably looks great.....or ridiculous. I haven't really put that much thought into it. Anyway, it is white. So I have this white dress and I am wearing it. I decide before the ceremony that I am hungry. Being my wedding day and it has to be the best day ever, I want a hot dog with mustard and relish. My mom will speak words of wisdom to me which of course, me being stubborn I do not listen. So to compromise, my mom attempts to speak wise words to me again: "Wear at least a napkin or an apron." I comply resorting to only a thin flimsy napkin. Of course my wedding gown is to the floor. I think. Well, anyway, the mustard spill onto the hem of the skirt. Which of course is decorated because it has to be. I think. In mad rush everyone attempts to use everything under the sun to clean up the bright yellow spot on the bottom of the dress.
"HURRY GET THE EMERGENCY PACK OF SHOUT WIPES!!"
"NO NO NO!!! THOSE WILL JUST SMEAR THE MUSTARD!!!"
"USE THE TIDE MARKER!!!! IT WORKED ON THE ARMY MAN'S SHIRT IN THE COMMERCIAL!!!!!"
"HYDROGEN PEROXIDE!!!!"
*silence*
*crickets*
"We don't have hydrogen peroxide....."
"oh...."
Ok, so the mustard gets a good Polish lick to the napkin and futile wipe attempt.
The organ music starts and everyone rushes to the back of the church. For some reason my shoe insists on sticking to the bottom back of the dress. I have no idea why. Soon the whole train is wrapped around my right leg and I go down. Veil flying, flowers crushed, I land smack down on my face. Dad, laughing, helps me up. We both notice that my shoe had a wad of gum on it that is now firmly attached to the train. Unknowingly to the tragedy that occurred, everyone lines up and one by one they make their way down the center aisle to the front.
I stand up next to Dad, crushed flowers in tow, and begin my own journey. My white dress is now slightly dirty from the fall, the flowers are bent up, a yellow mustard stain on the hem and now the middle carpet thing that was rolled out is stuck to the gum. It is pulled behind me as I travel to the front of the church. Everyone looks in horror at the trailing carpet. I don't even recognize it. I am just all smiles because I am so excited. So I make it to the front and the ceremony goes as planned. Well, except the face of my fiance. I didn't really expect to see that sort of look on his face. I can understand a look of fear, a look of joy, but honestly, the look of repulsion is too much to take.
However, the pre-wedding events are nothing compared to the reception. The reception does not go well. Food is a huge hit with Magpie. Of course, it must be a Polish/Irish wedding so we will have Guinness and spaghetti. And Perogis. Can't forget that. So I am sitting and eating. Again, mom, who is the intelligent one of the family, strongly suggests that I wear an apron. I decline saying that I don't want to embarrass myself in front of the family. I begin to swirl the creamy goodness on my fork only to realize that in the process, the sauce has splashed all over the bodice of my dress. No worries, maybe someone will think that I spray painted the front of my dress with red splatters. Makes perfect sense to me.
"Magpie," my new spouse says to me, "What did you do to the front of your dress?"
My brother just sits there and shakes his head.
"I think it is spaghetti..." I respond
So white is just not my friend. Although I do wear some white tops. I actually have three. I feel sorry for those tops. As far as my wedding maybe I should reconsider the whole white wedding dress. Not that I considered it in the first place. But seeing my current relationship with white clothing, maybe I should get something like, red, or blue, or black or purple. Purple is good. Purple it is. Purple wedding dress for Magpie.
Magpie.
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