Kick your heels together three times...

...and pray you don't fall.

There is nothing like growing 4 inches magically with the help of your best pair of heels. Considering that today was "Wear Heel Day" in Magpie's world, I decided that today's blog post will be dedicated to them.

My first pair of heels actually came from asking my dad. I was nervous. I don't know why I was nervous. I guess it was one rite of passage that I was afraid of asking my parents for the key. So I turned to dad for help.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Could I have a pair of high heels?"

So off shopping we went. Mom, Dad and I went to a bunch of different stores. I guess you could call me picky but I had a particular look in my head. I knew that pointed toes would not work for me. I would look ridiculous. It had to be square toed or rounded. Also, the heel had to be chunky. I knew there would be no way I could balance myself on a tiny little heel. Finally I could not see spending triple digits for a pair of shoes. So finding my style in my price was a tad bit hairy. But finally I found them. There they stood on the clearance rack. Plain. Black. Shiny. Square. Awesome. My first pair of black pumps.

Years later, after I learned to walk somewhat normal, I found that heels could be pretty and actually fun. So I began finding other pretty heels to wear. I fell in love with Willy Wonka's shoes from Charlie and the Chocolate factory. I liked the way they looked: the chunky heel, the toe, the style was just funky enough for me. After a long search, I found them. They were on sale at Carson Pierre Scott. I bought them and they are still considered my Willy Wonkas.

It recently became more and more difficult to find shoes that fit my funky style. I would go to DSW just to browse. I then came across a brand that fits me to a T. Mudd shoes really does fit my funky attitude with its modern take on classic looks. Wing tip Mary Janes with a chunky heel? Yes! I love it.

For graduation, I for some reason had to get shoes to match the dresses I was wearing. I don't really understand that except for the fact that when I am wearing a spring time bright colored dress, my regular black heels won't do. Off to DSW with mom. Found shoes to match the dress (again, Mudd brand) and tada...my collection is complete.

Then my old black heels started to show years of wear and tear :( I still have them hoping to salvage what I can of them. But I did manage to somewhat replace them with another Mudd shoe that is just as professional. So. There we have it. No more shoes for me :)

Now, you'd think that after 11 years of heels, I'd be a professional at walking in them. Or at least somewhat decent. Nope. Although I haven't fallen, I have tripped, slipped, and twisted over a dozen times. Hilarious for some, embarrassing for me. It is sad when you have to give yourself a pep talk as you walk across a stage.

"Ok, Magpie, don't screw this one up. Walk tall, straight, and pretend like you don't have heels."

*first step is taken*

"Ok, new game plan. Realize that there are an extra 2 inches on your heel."

*second step*

"Good....good...now, try to not clack so much."

*third step*

"Um, don't look so goofy"

Lets just thank God that I get to wear gym shoes to work everyday :)

Magpie.

Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.

So today I went swimming. Unlike most of my swim times, I decided to ponder on the water I was swimming in. I came to realize again that my favorite property is the property of water. Yep, good ole' H2O. Why other property of the world is as diverse and awesome?



Without water, you could die. It is essential to keeping the body functioning. Dehydration could send you to the hospital. Which, if unless it is a way to see me, I would rather you not go to the hospital. Being dehydrated is not fun. You feel all gross on the inside. Whenever I haven't gotten my daily dose of H2O orally, I can imagine my poor tiny cells all shirveled up and screaming for relief. Then I can imagine them sighing with joy as I splash some water down my throat.

My favorite part of water is the playfullness of it. I think this is why I like swimming so much. I am weightless in water. I love being able to split it with my hand just to see it join back together. It is so easy for me to imagine all the little water molecules laughing as my hand push them foward in a gentle curling wave.

Water is so graceful. It ripples and it drops in with such beauty. I think this is why I like to be outside in the rain. I love the feeling of the drops on my face as I look up at the grey sky. It is like a shower that washes both my skin and my soul. I love watching the rain fall onto the ground and puddle into nature mirrors that reflect the world around me.

It is so diverse. On hot days, there is nothing like sucking on an ice cube or putting said ice cubes in a tall glass of water. When I have a cold and my nose hurts like no other, warm steam from water soothes it. There is nothing like walking outside in the foggy mist. The clouds that descend from the sky are refreshing and add mystery to my day.

So water, here's to you. You are just awesome. I really do believe that you are my favorite element here on earth. I know that without you I would totally not survive. Thank you.

Magpie.

Don't Be Mad...Get Glad

Are there just times that you want to punch a wall? How about poke someone in the eye?



Yeah, we all have our days. Even me. Don't worry. It means that you are human and that you are alive. However, it is important to channel all this negative energy so that it does not hurt you or someone else. Sure, you can do the normal, everyday diffusion like, journaling or shooting stuff off. But, you can also take a creative (and safer) approach to your daily debriefing.



Here are some examples from Magpie:



1) Boogey on down now:

Dance in your room when no one is watching. Sometimes this is enough to brighten a sour mood or just to take your mind off of whatever is causing you so much grief. Any music can do, pick your favorite dance tune and get jiggy wit it. I personally enjoy some dance/techno/house to dance to. Just whatever will take your mind off of things.



2) Listen to music in your car....loud.

It is preferable to go somewhere without a noise restriction. Recieving a ticket will not help your day. And you will have to debrief from your ticket reception. And you might want to shoot the cop. Both are destructive to the cause. If you turn up the bass and sit back the whole car vibrates and thus will vibrate your very soul. Then the vibrations take all that negative feelings of hate, depression, anger, frustration and shake them out into the atmosphere.



3) I scream. You scream. We all scream for Ice Cream.

Ok, don't eat out of frustration. Gaining 15 lbs of frozen dairy goodness is just going to add more weight to the problem (no pun intended if one can be taken). Instead, in that same location of the blessed car, go to a secluded location. Shut all your windows and doors. Then let a scream out. Swear if you want. Tell that person off in your car. Pretend they are in front of you. Now don't you feel better? Yep, I do.



4) Rippin' Rags

We all could use a little extra rags around the house. You know, to clean, and dust, and wipe things with. Take those old clothing that charity won't even take and rip them apart with your bare hands. No sissors allowed. Just rip.



5) Exercise

Nothing makes you hate life more than a good hard run. And at least you will hate life because you are running rather than because Joise two cubicles over read your personal emails and printed them for the office to see.



So I am sure that everyone will have their own personal ways to diffuse their inside soul. Mine might not work for everyone, but it sure works for me.



Magpie

Lessons and Carols

So this past weekend was Lessons and Carols at my old university. Lessons and Carols consists of nine readings from Scripture about Christ's birth. They are readings from Old Testament and New Testament. After the reading, an appropriate carol is either sung by the choir or played by the band (me) or both. There ya have it, Lessons and Carols.

This got me to thinking, what are my nine personal Lessons and Carols?

Lesson One: Check bathroom signs before entering bathroom.

I don't know what my problem is. Maybe somewhere tucked away in my Id (HI SIGMUND!) I desire male hood. Maybe I just want to see the inside of the boys bathroom...multiple times. Hopefully (and I am betting on this one) I am just too preoccupied with what is going on around me that I just don't look at the signs.

The first time this occurred, I was on a date. I needed to use the restroom and didn't check the sign. Well of course, I come up to the urinals with puzzled bewilderment. Why are these tiny toilets doing in the women's bathroom? I tried to work through this issue, coming up with all sorts of reasons. Finally, I found one. OH! It is for the children when the mom brings them to use the bathroom. Half satisfied with this solution, I head for a stall. I didn't understand it but whatever. It wasn't until I was washing my hands that I realized where I was. The water still running, I look at myself in the mirror with horror in my eyes. It hits me, I am in the wrong bathroom. The door opens and I say the most sincere prayer, "PLEASE don't let this be a man." Sure enough it was and sure enough I was out of that restaurant before anyone knew what had happened.

It happened again after my NCLEX. I think I was just brainwashed at that point. And I didn't enter the full bathroom. Just the threshold. Then I turned around and scared the guy coming in. I had to ride the train home with this complete stranger who now knew me as, Wrong Bathroom Girl. He was cute too. Ultimate loss.

The last time it happened before I learned my lesson, I was in Ireland. The little stick figure had an ivy leave over the person so I thought it was a dress and I thought it was a girl. I did the same time, used the bathroom. It wasn't until I stepped out and faced a row of urinals that I realized what had happened. I shot out of there quicker than a jackrabbit out of a bush of cougars. There's a picture for ya.

Now let everyone stand and sing, "Man! I feel like a woman!"

Lesson Two: Fake Numbers are the way to go.

There was one time that I was out with some friends bar hopping. I was DD because I didn't want to drink. Surprising I know. I had drank way too much the previous night and really didn't want to do a repeat night. So there I would be, taking pints of H2O while my friends drank shots and pints of EtOH. I was approached by multiple people. The first one was someone straight out of Laverne and Shirley.

This is what he looked like:

He gave me some fake line about being a friend to the owner or how the owner owed his buddy money so he was here to help collect it. So how does this coincide with you trying to get my number? Fake line calls for fake number: My number is 630-678-9654.

Next bar some drunk dude starts talking to me.

"Oh hi, what's your name?"

"Magpie"

"Oh, what do you do?"

"I am a nurse."

"Oh, where do you work?"

"Edward"

"OH ME TOO!"

mmmmhhhhmmm, yep you do.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I sell the monitors that you guys use."

"Oh. Ok."

"Yeah, so I just broke up with my fiancee and moved here from New York..."

Oh man, here goes...

"...and I don't know too many people. I am looking for a wholesome girl and you look like a wholesome girl. I can see it in your eyes. Can I have your number?"

Cheesy lines deserve fake numbers: My number is 708-965-6598

Few bars later, my friends and I end up at our last bar.

"You should smile more often. You light up every time you smile. I like it when you smile."

Aw, that is sweet...you are way too old, like 50 year old too old. My number is 633-695-9875

Now let us all stand and sing: "The Call"

Lesson Three: Live in the moment and don't think too much.
Oh man, this is the hardest lesson for me to learn and it is on going. I totally over think EVERYTHING. Like, if I did something that offended someone. Or if I completed everything I was suppose to at work. Or if I really do this or that, I am going to repel people with the weirdness I exude.

STOP!

Stop thinking. If things are meant to go a certain way they are. Otherwise, it is out of your control. Why worry over something you cannot control? You'll kill yourself.

Live for the moment. Do those somersaults. Catch those snow flakes on your tongue. Dance when there is no music. Sing as loud as you can even if you are off key. Smile to those you don't even know. Laugh when there is nothing to laugh at. Go star tipping. If you don't know what that is then look it up. It is these little moments that we will treasure forever. It is these moments we will never forget. They are by far, my favorite moments. I replay them in my head almost constantly.

Now let us sing...er...rap Eminem's Live for the Moment.

Amen. Amen.

Magpie

Superpowers

So I was thinking the other day, if I had a superpower, what would it be? Would I fly? Would I lift things with superhuman strength? Would I read minds? What superpower would truly be useful for me?

I came up with turning invisible. This would be the most useful thing for me because there are so many times where I wish I were invisible. Plus how cool would it be to be the "fly on the wall" for some moments?

One place that becoming invisible would be especially useful is at the mall. When I am shopping at the mall I really don't want people to talk to me. I mean I am all ok with people asking me if I am doing ok and if I need any help. That is just doing your job. What I don't like is badgering. My mall has these booths in the middle of place. People call out to you like men looking for women. Except instead of whistles and "Hey nice butt!" (Which by the way, readers, I do not get. I think the look I shoot discourages this.), they say, "Good _____ (whatever time of day it is), can I see your nails?"

Now, if any of you know me, you will know this: I HATE nails. There are few things in this world that make me gag. One of them is nail maintenance. Pedicures are murder for me. Manicures make me want to throw up. I do them anyway once in a while for special occasions or because my nail jobs look gross. Otherwise I cut them myself. I will paint them myself (even if it looks like a three year old did it.) I never was able to cut anyone's nails. It makes me gag. I can cut my own though so everyone breathe a sigh of relief.

Now, here is this guy straight out of France. His hair pulled back into a low ponytail. He was skinnier than me and about my height and just reeked of insincere kindness. Sometimes I want to tell these people to just treat me like a human, not the princess I am. He stands there feet together with this silver platter of a nail polishing buffer thing (I do have this at home. I like it) and lotion like he is going to serve me my next course in a fancy dinner.
"Ma'm do you have natural nails?"
"Uh, yes, I think so."
"Oh may I see them?"
"No"
"Please"
"No, you don't understand, you cannot see my nails."
"What is your name?" He asked as he girlishly extended his hand to shake mine.
"Magpie" I said standing five feet away slowly making my getaway.
"Come on shake my hand."
I reluctantly shook his hand. All the while I was planning to make a bolt for it if he thought it would be clever enough to pin my hand down, flip it over and look and touch my nails. Luckily, he didn't. He released my hand and I went back to my five foot away place and turned.

THAT is when I need to be invisible. When these pseudo street merchants badger my walking around the mall. How totally awesome would it be to become invisible as I walk by them and then become visible after them? Or what about when Phillipe over there wanted to shake my hand and I go to do it and just as I reach out to touch his hand I disappear. He'd totally flip. He'd second guess talking to anyone from that point on. Yes. Yes he would.

Another good place to be invisible is at conversations where you know you will be mentioned. Or any conversation where you just want to be a fly on the wall. You know the common stuff. This would be more useful if you were a kid and you wanted to know your birthday gift. Now I would just want to know what the nurses in the ER are saying about us or what the nurses at the nurse's station are talking about when I am not there. It would kinda be like having eyes in the back of your head in a way.

I would also try to sneak into conversations where my crush was at to see if he says anything about me. OR better yet, I could have my friend talking to my crush and I am invisible sitting there (or standing that way I can scare the man if he starts talking bad about me). That would make life so easy wouldn't it? Oh yeah it would. I wouldn't be so nervous then. I'd be either more confident or just bummed. Either way, it wouldn't be as awkward as me going up to the guy and telling him that I like him or think he is cute or think he is whatever I think he is. I'd just know.

Being invisible would help in sticky situations too. For example, I am getting chewed out by one of the nurses for some hypocritical reason or by a doctor for not being a good nurse. Usually, at these points in my job I just want to find a nice quiet secluded corner to curl up into a ball and cry just from being way too overwhelmed. However, if I disappeared, the person yelling at me would totally not know what to do in a situation where their scratching post disappears. I can see it now:

"You called me three times during the night about this woman's blood pressure but you haven't taken it for three hours?"
"Doctor, I've been taking it every two hours, I just..."
"That is bad nursing. I mean, you haven't checked it in three hours."
*CUE TO DISAPPEAR*
"I mean, that is just bad.....Hello? Hello?"

Or how about in front of my charge nurse when she finds that she can't reach me on my SpectraLink:
"You never have your phone on. You answer your phone. Change you battery."
"I don't like answering it when I am talking to my patient."
"You tell them 'Wait one moment please.' Then you pick up your phone and say, 'Hello, can I help you?' And then it will not go to my phone and my phone doesn't bother my @$$."
"I will not answer my phone when I am talking to a patient. That is rude."
"You will answer....WHERE DID THAT CHILE GO????"

Sweetness. Sweetness greater than that you, dear readers, have ever tasted.

How about embarrassing situations? Like the mulitple times I walked into wrong bathrooms. Or the times I bring a guy home and my brothers swarm him like a bees swarming a half eaten discarded piece of fruit? Or when I say something stupid, or incoherent at work?
"I would have flown across this desk and slapped you." Me to some phelb.
"You are too sweet to do that. You are a nurse."
"Just wait until I get you in one of those beds." <----stupid comment on my part meant to inflict fear of pain.
"Magpie, stop talking." <-----my friend and coworker.
*CUE TO DISAPPEAR AND CONTINUE TO DISAPPEAR EVERYTIME I SEE THAT PERSON*

Anyway, I think it would be pretty sweet to disappear. Lots of useful situations and moments to utilize this superhero power. Even if I do use it selfishly. However, I do not posses this power. For now, I will have to deal with my embarrassing comments, scoldings and learn my lesson to look at the floor and not make eye contact with market barkers. Either that or close my eyes. That seems to work just as well.
TTFN,
Magpe.

Being Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving readers!

So it being thanksgiving and all I figured I'd let you all know what I am thankful for. Yeah, yeah I know, reeeeaaaallly original. Don't worry. There is never a dull moment with me. Everyone is thankful for the "normal" things in life like family, a job, money, a roof over you head. I am thankful for that too. However, I figured I should mention things that I am thankful for that really doesn't always get credit.

Ok, after this plug because I really have to say this:
1) I am extremely thankful for my family: You all are probably the most interesting people I will ever know-even when I've lived with you my whole life thus far. In times, where I just want to give up or in times where I am at my lowest (because you know we all get there at least once in your life) you have been there. I never stop laughing around you guys. Between Buckboard's witty comments, Willeo's quirky actions and Patrick's sweetness, I am never bored. Mom and Dad, you have always supported me in all my endeavors and dreams. You helped me reach my possible goals and helped redirect my impossible dreams. Without you guys, I really don't think that I would have been the success that I am today. Greg, I love you so much. I cannot wait until you are totally done with school and out of debt so that we can travel the world. With LisFlo of course. In all my moods and all my grumpy times, you guys are still ready to give me hugs. No matter how horrible I look in the morning (or pretty frequently the afternoon/evening), you boys are all ready to greet me with "Well here is sleeping beauty!" "Hey Starshine!" "Hey beautiful" "I Margie Pargs pudding and pie, kissed the boys and made them cry." I love you all so much. I truly believe that God put me with the best family in the world. I am pretty sure people are really tired of me talking about you guys all the time. Thank you for being my family.

Ok, onto the regularly scheduled thankfullness:

EDIT/Ok, I was reading over this one and had to delete the whole middle part. I just was sitting here thinking. None of these things compares to the things that I am truly deep down happy to have in my life. None of them could shine a light to it. So, sorry folks. You get a boring blog this time./END EDIT

This is actually harder than I thought. Everything I am, everything I have, everything that I am thankful stems from those basic things that I am thankful for: my family, my job, my co-workers, my home, my future, my friends. I really have a great life and I am truly thankful for that.

What are you thankful for?
Magpie

Cement Geese

I am not a fan of Geese. They poop on all my walking spots. They hiss at you like they own the place. I mean, I am not one who owns much of anything. But I don't go around shoving people off sidewalks and streets because I don't want them there. Geese do that with their nodding heads and hissy throats. They scare me. No human would ever get away with the stuff Geese pull.

But then, why is it that humans, want to make cement geese and dress them up? I will tell you why. Because they are crazy.

My grandmother lives in a condo near by. It is full of elderly people. It is a condo for seniors basically. On my grandmother's floor, someone, probably an old lady, insists on putting their stupid cement goose in the entry way to the hall. Furthermore, she (or he) dresses the thing up for holidays and seasons.

Plain Cement Goose

For summer, the goose had swimsuit. Not just any swimsuit but a very sexy pink bikini with black pokadots. The top part of the swimsuit was ridiculous. The goose had some serious plastic surgery done. Well just let's say that we wanted to make the female goose a male by losening the strings holding up the top. Don't worry we never did. We didn't have to. The Fourth of July made the goose a man overnight.

Goose in similar bikini outfit.

Fourth of July, Unlce Same came to visit with whiskers and all.

Uncle Sam

The best had to be Halloween. Surely, they should ban this costume. No one in their right mind would set this on their front porch and NOT expect a burning cross to be placed beside it.

The real deal. Condo Goose decked out Klu Klux style.

In the spring you can expect a "cute" colored rain coat. What about Easter? Well Transgender Goose not only changes sexes BUT species as well.

IS THAT A RABBIT NOSE ON THE FRONT??? You have got to be kidding me.

This month, Pochantos has made her debut. Complete with cute fake braids.

Pochantas is Thankful

I wish I had the wardrobe this goose has. Do you know how much money these things cost? The goose is $55.00. Each outfit is about $30.00 on average according to one site I visited. So let's just say this woman/man (because the same site says that these geese are like Barbies for adults. So men can play with them too!) has an outfit for each month give or take a few. Let's say this woman/man has 16 outfits for this goose.

Goose: $55.00

Outfits: $30.00 x 16= $480

Total: $535

Then does this goose has it's own drawer or a closet for all his/her's outfits and accessories? *thinks* I wonder what the inside of this woman's condo looks like.

Well, in my opinion $535 is a lot of money for a good laugh. But, hey, if you get your kicks from dressing up a cement resemblance of a disliked feathered friend then go for it. Just don't scowl at me when I stand pointing at it and while laughing.

Ok I will give this Woman/Man credit. At least they have the slight decency to put a BEARS cheerleader outfit on it. GO BEARS!!!

Magpie

Oh what to do with the SpectraLink

At work, we have a call system that attaches to the cell phone in our pockets (or often on our desk). So when the patient presses the button to call for assistance then our phone will beep. If the patient would rather call us, they can dial the four digit extension to our phone and we will pick up (most of the time). This glorious (not) tool is called the SpectraLink *spits to the side*.

The SpectraLink is loud, obnoxious, persistent, huge, cumbersome and the list goes on. There are days that the phone is relatively quiet. And then we have those days that the thing does not shut up. Those days I begin to plan evil things to do to said SpectraLink.

1) Toilet time!
Many of the patients use commodes. This is like a portable toilet. It has a toilet seat and then a bucket underneath which the nurse or aide empties. I have often had the desire to "accidentally" dump the thing into a full bucket or urine or stool. Who would want to touch it after that? Unfortunately, my manager would have me dig it out with a glove and wipe it clean. I am not looking to dig in someone else's excrement voluntarily so I will leave that out.

However, I am sure that it will fit down the toilet! I keep mine in my back pocket and it is sooooo easy to have it fall out and into the toilet! *OOPS*! *Flush* *Overflow*













Don't try it at home.

3) Chute! I dropped my phone :saint:
So on every floor is a trash and laundry chute. It is a long way to the bottom from the top floor of the hospital. It is so easy to accidentally bag the phone in a bag of dirty linen or bag of trash and drop the phone to its ultimate death. I often wanted to ride those chutes. I imagined it a couple of times. I'd climb in. Let go of the sides and fall all the way down like a tunneled water slide. Then I hit the bottom. Everything is cushy and soft. And smelly. And poopy. And then I come back to reality as my SpectraLink rings. Thank goodness I didn't follow through on my joy ride.

4) Out the fifth story window.
None of them opened. I tried when I wanted to throw an IV pump out there. Scratch that one.

5) Oh...would you look at that...my phone "died"
There is always the old ploy of having your phone "die". That lasts for maybe .25927 seconds until someone comes to find you and tells you, "Go change your bat-ter-ie, Chile (Child). You don't answer your phone. Den it bod-ders me."

In all cases, I would probably be assigned a new phone which trumps all previous attempts at getting rid of one. AND...I'd have to pay for the one I lost/destroyed/annihilated/dismantled.

Happy Silent Nights with no Phone ringing!
Magpie.

Over My Rainbow

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star

and wake up where the clouds are far

Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops,

Away above the chimney tops.

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow,

Why then - oh, why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

Why, oh, why can't I?

There are times when life just gets way too frustrating. There is no where to escape in these moments in reality. As I lean my forehead up against the wall and close my eyes, I escape into my somewhere over the rainbow.

It is beautiful over that rainbow. There is rolling green hills with flowers. A gentle slight breeze blows over them making the silver stems glisten in the warm sun. Butterflies fly everywhere from flower to flower. There is a forest beyond the hills where cool moss grows by a bubbling creek. There are animals everywhere and they are not afraid of me. They come and go as if I am not even there. Sometimes it rains but it is gentle as it falls and it washes all my troubles and frustrations away.

I can do whatever I want there. I can run fast and far or I can roll down hills. I can just lay on the sweet warm grass and sleep in the sunlight. No one is going to tell me I should grow up or stop. No one is going to tell me that this is immature. I can cuddle and pet all the animals and they do not mind. I am at peace there.

There is no doctors telling me that I am a bad nurse. There is no one telling me that my dreams are unrealistic. No one criticizes me as me. There are no call lights going off and there is no IV pumps beeping OCCLUSION. Everything is working out. I don't have to cross hurdles or obstacles. I don't hurt. I will never hurt there. This place is perfect.

Everyone can have their escape location. Everyone has their somewhere over the rainbow. What is yours?

Magpie

Need New Skin

Yes, it is time once again to shed the summer skin. For a 12 hour graveyard shifter....I never had a summer skin to start with. Well maybe it was a little golden.

My blog too needs an updo. That flower Japanese thing at the top was just not cutting it. Therefore, this site is under construction. Proceed at your own risk.

Magpie

weight loss for me

Alrighty. I am going to lose ten lbs. Don't try to talk me out of it...it would be way too easy for you to do.

I am going to exercise 3-4 times a week. Lost ten lbs by winter. and drink 8-10 glasses of water a day.

And to make sure I do this I am in pact with Rach. So....i can't break it.

So far I exercised two days ago and today. Yesterday I don't think running across the airport to catch a flight counts. So. I failed at the water thing yesteday only a glass in a half. Today I have like 10 more glasses to drink. Ok 8 glasses. But I EXERCISED!


^_^

TTFN!

HAPPY NURSE'S WEEK

So this week is Nurse's Week. As many of you probably don't know I am a nurse. Yep, Magpie RN at your service. Also this week marks my one year anniversary as a nurse. AND I AM LOVIN' IT! And you know you are too.

In celebration of Nurse's week, I came up with a list of reasons why you should know *cough*date*cough* a nurse.

We are always on top of things.
Yes, as nurses we need to be ahead of the game. Anticipate what will happen next. This goes from anticipating a patients' need to what the doctor might order. As a result, we are prepared for what just might happen next. Why is this good in a relationship? Well, just think. You are sitting on the couch and you are about an inch away from needing a new bottle of your favorite Guinness (because that is what you drink) and you are debating whether or not to get up from the couch to get another one. All of a sudden, a bottle comes flying across the room and lands right next to you on the couch. TA DA! Instant magic. Or...is it anticipation?

We prioritize everything.
Everything we do is based off what needs the most attention and what is the most important thing to do first. Should I let the patient finish what he/she is saying or do I take this doctor's call? Should I give pain medication first or should I give the antibiotic? Which patient should I see first? Do I save the person who is coding or do I drink my coffee to survive? Cream or sugar first? How does this apply to a relationship? Well, if you are important to the nurse in your life (or the nurse that should be in your life) then you will be on the top of her/his list. She/he will drop what they are doing to answer your call. You will be on their mind all the time (not in a creepy way but in an endearing way). Basically you will come first. Or the coffee will. Depends on who is better.

We handle sharp objects with skill.
Do you know how many needles we handle in a shift? A whole lot. We draw up medications, inject insulin, lovenox, heparin et. al. into patients. We wield our tools well. Needle sticks are very rare now if you practice good sharps skills. We start IV's with the greatest of ease, unless you are bad at them. How does this help in a relationship? I...don't...know...but I am sure it will come in handy.

We speak a whole other language.
Nothing says "I love you" like "Tomorrow you will be having a Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter which will overlie the Superior Vena Cava. As a result you will be able to receive Total Parenteral Nutrition without the risk of phlebitis. In the meantime, your Vancomyacin to treat the cellulitis in your left lower leg will be running through the 20 gauge intervenous catheter." Or we could just say, "I love you."

We are very observant.
We need to always keep a vigilant eye out on our patients and their condition. They could rapidly turn into a code blue if it were not for the watchful eyes of the nurse. How is this helpful in the relationship? We pick up on things. Subtle little insignificant things. You'll like that.

We are always clean.
We have to be. With MRSA and C.Diff. and VRE and ESBL...we need to be to protect our patients and ourselves and our loved ones. So why is this a good thing if you are dating a nurse? Well, you all heard the saying, cleanliness is next to godliness. Therefore, if nurses are clean then they are cleanliness which makes them goddess (and gods). There. WALA! You are dating a goddess/god.

Alright, so I could go on and on about why you get to know a nurse (or date on) but I will leave it go for now. Nurses are great people. We are smart, we think quickly, we are quite the sociable bunch, and we love to help people. So in honor of nurse's week you should all go out and kiss a nurse. Especially this one...*MUAH!*












Ok, well you can at least hug us. We don't bite.
HAPPY NURSE'S WEEK FELLOW RN'S AND RN'S TO BE!!

Magpie

Dating for Dummies

er....men/boys.

1) Say what you mean.
You guys think you will hurt us if you do not tell us what you think we want to hear. Personally, I would rather you tell me that you never want to talk to me again and that you don't think that things will work out rather than never hear from you when I thought that everything was fine. That only leads to me thinking I did something wrong. It leads to wondering. Then you tell us that we over analyze. No, if you just said what you wanted to in the first place and didn't lead us on then we would be fine.

If you did not think the date went well and you did not have fun then say that you don't think it will work out. If you think the date went well and you want to date more and then say that. Do not say the latter for the former just to smooth things over. That just makes matters worse.

2) We hurt.
Get over it. We hurt. We will hurt if you say no. We will hurt if you say yes and then never call us. BUT! we will hurt LESS if you say no in the first place. We can then just move on to the next person. Stringing us along making us think that we did something wrong to cause you not to call back even though you said that you would makes it hurt WORSE. Just be honest with me. I won't cry in front of you. I won't beg you to stay. If one person is not happy in the relationship it just means that life will be hell. So why would I want that? BUT I would love to know the truth. It just makes things much easier than trying to think up the truth because you were fed lies.

3) Don't give us lines.
"You're awesome." "You're a keeper." "My buddies think you are a keeper." I don't care. Don't feed me the lines unless you really want to stay with me...unless you REALLY MEAN IT. And don't use the lines to get a date with me or a second date with me when it will not be any more than that.

Think of it this way, if a girl is fed lines like that on every date they went on and then nothing comes of it, how is that person suppose to know that that the next guy really means it? They don't. So now, the next guy comes along and he really truly means that I am awesome and a keeper and beautiful et. al. I can't believe him.


4) When to kiss.
Do not pity kiss me. Please. I'd rather kiss my rabbit. My rabbit at least will love me and like me the rest of my life. If I kiss you and you don't want me to, just stop me or do not kiss me back. Don't hug me. In fact just don't touch me. I'd be SO much better off knowing that you want nothing to do with me. Again, it is easier to get over.

5) Follow through.
Don't tell me you will do something and not do it. I would rather not hear that you are going to call me, stop by, text me, whatever than hear that you will and be disappointed later. If you say you will call, CALL. If you are busy CALL and say, "I can't talk for long. I just wanted to say hi." WOW. I will say it out loud and time it. "I can't talk for long. I just wanted to say hi." THAT took less than 5 seconds to say. The girl might say in response: "Ok, thanks for calling it made my day. I'll talk to you later. Bye!" That took another 5 seconds. Wait...you mean calling me when you are busy and using those lines will take 10 seconds out of your busy day? Wow. Just shows me that you don't have even 10 seconds to spend on me.

6) We have walls built.
Everyone has walls. They are built for reasons too. Mostly for protection. They are built strong and thick. It takes time to break them down. Do not expect the walls to come tumbling down after the first date, the second date, the first kiss et. al. If you are patient, you will slowly take each brick down until you have full range of the other person's heart. And when you do, be careful with it. You don't want another wall built in your name.

7) Trust is not an overnight thing.
Trust is built as a wall comes down. It takes time. You don't automatically trust every person who asks you out on a date. It just does not happen that way. We see how you act. We test you. When you complete what you say you will do and when you follow through on your lines, our trust builds. We do trust you. But it starts little and it grows. How fast and how big it grows is up to you.

Why am I writing this blog? Because I am sick and tired of men. You are all just not thinking. We feel. We do think about it. Maybe you all can forget about that date that you gave us a kiss but we don't. When you give us nothing to go off of, what do you expect us to do? Forget? No, we think, we wonder, we try to figure out what went wrong. What did we do? "Maybe I shouldn't have let him hold my hand." "Maybe I shouldn't have made that joke." "Maybe it was too soon to tell him my views on this that and the other thing." "Maybe I shouldn't have pulled that joke." "Did he think that I am after something?" "Does he think that I want him to spend tons of money on me?"

I am not high maintenance. I am me. I do not ask for much. I don't want money spent on me. I don't want fancy dinners. I don't want you to take me to far away destinations. I just want someone to be truthful, honest, sincere, and show that they care for me.

Meg

Attack of the......

You know some people are too preoccupied with a zombie attack. There are books, videos, forum threads, great discussions on what to do during a zombie attack. There are even several movies out feeding into this perhaps irrational fear.
I remember watching "Dawn of the Dead" with my ex boyfriend (EBF). Afterwards we had an intelligent conversations.
"If we have a zombie attack, I decided that I'll go over to Gander Mountain."-EBF
"Oh?"-Me
"That way we will have enough ammo and guns to survive the attack. We'll go on the roof and bar the doors."-EBF
"Ok"-Me
"Yeah. I'll pick you up and me and J. (his friend) will protect you."-EBF
"Yeah, ok. I am going to sleep."-Me
"WHAT? Sleep?"-EBF
"Yes. Sleep."-Me
"Why? You'll get attacked!"-EBF
"Why run? Just get eaten, die and then you don't have to deal with it."-Me

Sounded fine to me.

Needless to say, he wasn't too excited with my plan. Neither was is friend whose plan was to head up into the far North of Canada or Alaska where zombies cannot survive. I don't mind cold and snow but there is no way I am going to voluntarily head North for a huge portion of my life. In snow. Sorry. I'll risk the viral laden bite.

My ultimate zombie plan? Stock up on bottles of wine and drink myself into total utter unconsciousness. Then every time I wake up I drink another bottle. Sounds like an excellent plan to me.

Honestly, people, what is the likelihood hat we will be attacked by zombies? There are so many other things that can attack s before zombies.

Black Friday Shoppers: These are not the normal shoppers They are professionals. They are the ones going into every store with 5 shopping bags slung over each shoulder. Not the small normal petite bags but the big 3x1x1 bags that they put maybe MAYBE a pair of jeans or a shirt in each huge bag. On their way in they hit everything and everyone in their mad dash for the clearance racks. EXTRA 75% off, baby!! They are the ones who will fight you to the death over that faux pair of alligator skin mid calf hell boots IN BLACK just because the store only has one size 6.5. I advise you to better protect yourself from these shoppers than zombies. My ultimate Black Friday Shoppers' plan? Sleep. There will be other sales another day.

Politicians: Fear them. They chase after you with a can that has a recycling symbol painted on it screaming "GLOBAL WARMING!" and "OVERPOPULATION!" They will suck your brains out with lies and empty promises. Liberal and Conservative alike, the minute they attack, they all look the same. They will have the same words spill forth from their lips and they will have the same thought on their mind: power. My ultimate Politician attack plan? Riot. Oh yeah...tear gas me baby! I'll be out there on the pickets and the sidelines protesting them. Woot.

Idiots: They are quite annoying. However, you mus be careful when judging idiocy. You do not want to write off the annoying intelligent people because you are being subjective When judging idiocy in the middle of an idiot attack, it is important to remain objective. Idiots are often distinguished from others as having an opinion concerning a topic that they really have no intellectual knowledge about. It is useless really to argue with them. Very rarely will they change their opinion. Instead you will become frustrated and in the end, become an idiot yourself. Aside from being obnoxiously annoying, an idiot attack is not harmful. I would not stand too close though. You might catch their stupid. My ultimate idiot attack plan? Remain above the masses with my beautiful intelligence well intact.

Men: You are especially susceptible if you look like the following: Beyonce, Shakira, Jenifer Love Hewitt, Angelina Jolie or if you are just pretty in general. They will swarm around and attack with lame pick up lines such as: "hi my name is Rick and on the Rick-ter scale you're a 10." or "Are you tired? Because you have been running through my head all day." or...and this tops all: "I am looking for a nice wholesome girl. You like you are wholesome. I can see it in your eyes." Uhhhhhh.....yeah. Some ways to avoid such attacks are: do not shower; look down at the ground at all times (oh hey! a quarter!); do not acknowledge; bite; punch; dress like a nun; and wear a ring on the fourth finger of your left hand. My ultimate Man attack plan?








Ok I actually do not have one. Man attacks actually aides me by providing an array of men to choose from. Like shopping. Black Friday shopping.

So there are certainly more attacks to plan for before you put together our ultimate zombie plan. These attacks are more likely to be realistic than zombies running rampant eating fresh human flesh. Yum. And, if zombies do attack, know that you can always join me in my alcohol induced sleeping. Just bring your own wine.

Over and out,
Meg

In 2009...

I resolve to:

1) Fold my clothes:
Yes, I am just that lazy...er...patient. I wash my clothes. I dry my clothes. But the folding part...well that can wait. I lay my clothes over the rocking chair in my room and walla...perfect until I have to wear them. Then out with the iron to get rid of wrinkles. I hate wrinkles. HATE.

It isn't that I don't like folding. The whole process just takes time. I do not like to take that time to do it. I would rather move onto the more important thing of life like working, taking photos...or blogging.

Ironing, however, is a dangerous task for the Magpie. Yes, if I must Iron I do so. However, I have a problem with Irons and clothing. I tend to burn my clothes. :( It is really not my fault. I start at a low setting. However, someone before me manages to screw up the iron by making it dirty with whatever it is dirty with. So my clothes get this nice brown stain on them. I also have a tendency to use too high a setting for my clothes. There was one time that I was getting ready for a band concert. It was really a special concert considering we were going to a university to play before judges and then have a clinic with the university director. Me being me, I wanted to look my best. So I pulled out my skirt which really didn't need ironing and thought it would be best to iron it. Well, it was a cheaply made skirt that needed a low temperature setting. About an hour before I had to be at the high school with my brother to catch the bus, I put the iron to the black skirt.

SKIIIISSSSSSSS....

Shoot.
Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot.

I tentatively lifted the iron off my only band skirt. Against the stark black was a nice white hole where the ironing board cover peeked through. I stared at it in ghastly wonder. What. The. Heck. Was. I. Going. To. Do. Maybe..just maybe that 3 inch in diameter circle would hide when I put it on. Unfortunately, it did not. In a panic I flew down the stairs. I met my brother at the bottom and he looked at my face a knew something was wrong.

"What happened?"
"Um....I just burned a hole in my skirt."
"WHAT??? How bad is it? Can you hide it?"
I showed him.
"Oh my gosh...what are you going to do?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"You gotta go tell mom."
"Oh man."

Mom sent me right away with dad to get a skirt which we were able to find and still make the bus. Thank goodness.

To avoid any further burning problems, I think it will be wise to fold my clothes. Oh and hang them up. I will probably end up having to iron anyway but hopefully not as much.

Chances that I follow this resolution?
4 in 10 chance.

2) A picture a day
Keeps critics at bay. I guess. Not that I have any critics. Only me. I am my biggest critic. My goal is to become better at my favorite hobby: photography. So I decided to do Mission: 365. It will be a photography project. I need to take one creative picture a day and post it on my flickr account. By the end of the year I will have 365.

Chances that I follow this resolution?
9/10

3) Keep the weight that I lost off
So as I chow down on chips and creamy dip, I write this resolution. At least the chips are mulitgrained. Multigrained? Multigrain? Grain of mulitple proportions? I can no longer make a resolution to lose weight. I have very little weight left to lose. So here I am. I need to KEEP it OFF. Exercise. Eat right. Woot!

Chances that I follow this resolution?

10/10

I never NEVER ever want to be as big as I was. That is for sure.

So in this New Year what do you resolve to do?

Happy New year to all my readers. Hope that you and your family have the best of luck and all that jazz.

Magpie.